Wanting to be with people but not socialize

Post Reply New Topic

Does anyone ever want to be with people but yet you don't socialize with them when you are there with them?

I like being with my family, I don't mind going to my in laws/sister in laws or to my brother in law's or to other peoples houses if we get invited and I enjoy it but I keep to my self there and do my computer or video games or read, whatever I have with me. I know it's rude but if I don't do anything, then I get overwhelmed from all the talking and get anxious. It was actually suggested back when i was in 6th grade by my therapists I read a book or something or do a word search book or crosswords so I can keep calm and everyone else can enjoy their time visiting without me ruining it for them. Only two people have given me trouble over it. One was when i was in high school and I was on the choir trip and we were all eating at this little restaurant and the pionaist teacher bugged me about playing my Game Boy because it's "rude" she said. So I got up and walked around instead. In my adulthood, I think this was in 2010, I was at my husband's old boss's house who is friends with his parents. I was on the computer and some lady there sat down next to me asking me about why don't I talk with others and socialize. I wanted to tell her to leave me alone and that I am autistic but instead I just said I don't like socialization and it's all boring. If I got this all the time, I can easily see why aspies would rant about it here. It gets so annoying and one time was enough for me to get annoyed by it but not enough for me to make a thread on it. At my brother in laws, when i am socializing, I am just playing video games with my nephew.

I really like going out to eat with frends even though it's rare for me to say more than a dozen words the whole time.

I'm of the opinion that I'm doing plenty of socialisation by just being near friends and such. I stay near people, I pay attention almost all the time to everyone, I listen some, I'll start talking every now and then.

Now this topic is making me reconsider whether I might actually be doing rather little socialisation usually. I really don't know. All the interaction from now is a whole lot compared to how I started out and how I did as a child, ignoring people and hardly paying attention to them. Huh, I wonder. I feel as if I'm socialising a lot but it may not be that much, I guess.

The people I'm closest to in life are generally those who appreciate silences among friends. It's rare but happens.

When that doesn't work is when it gets awkward. Sometimes feels like the wierdest game of red-light green-light, where everyone is thinking red-light green-light in their minds but no one hears anyone else.

Some people feel the need for companionship more than others. Some people feel the need to socialize more than others. The two may not always go hand-in-hand.

Not really. I always end up feeling awkward if people aren't saying anything. Makes me very anxious and then I'll keep rambling about stupid crap. Now, if you're talking about NOT being the one in a group, I definitely DO not want to be around people at all. That's how I feel at college. If I'm not around the one group, I'd rather go hide in a corner because of the amount of noise/seeing people that want to converse with me. At least with the group I won't be shocked when someone speaks to me. I feel vulnerable if I'm alone and then someone "sneaks up" to speak to me. Scares me.

Wow...I'm like that too -- I hang out with my friends but I let them do all the talking. If they ask me a question, I respond in one word sentences and usually they respond back with laughter, which probably means I'm being "cute" and not socially appalling

It's good to have friends who sort of understand you; however, once my friends get talking, they can't seem to stop and they juggle convos and it's really overwhelming - but I'm happy to be there, and not be alone, and to know that ppl do in fact wanna be around me.

I feel the same way too, although I still don't mind being by myself. If I'm with people however, I just enjoy being in their company, even if I don't end up talking much.

I like being around people I like (my husband, his parents, a few folk that share my special interest) - but I don't always interact and may spend considerable time playing on my phone, staring off into space or if there's a computer there working on that. But I am happy to be around them while they socialise and may offer something to that on occasion.

I struggle around other groups of people and prefer not to be around them when they are socialising but if I have to be (for example to support my husband at something he wants to go to), I'll be firmly fixed in my own world and concentrating on not running away and getting out of there. My phone no longer is play thing but something to keep me there.

I have in the above circumstance been talked to by people and just ignored them (yes, I know ... it's rude - but in that circumstance I don't always have the words). Sometimes I've typed on my phone that I appreciate their interest but would prefer to be left alone, thanks. They usually think that's a bit weird but leave me alone. Once or twice though, they've got their phone out and typed messages back - when that happens I'm surprised but I think it shows a bit of understanding, and if I am able will make an effort to keep interacting with them.

I am like this a lot.

This describes me very accurately. I very much enjoy being around my friends and the family members whom I like, but I don't feel the need to talk to them.

At home, I'll sit in the room with my family, but have my headphones on and be on my laptop. They sometimes bug me about joining in with their activities, but not too often.

When I go to a friend's house, I have the expectation of socializing, but I'll usually bring my laptop or a book and will eventually wander off from the rest of the group and take up a solitary activity. Thankfully, my two NT best friends are very easy-going, and tend to enjoy the noncommittal style of hanging out...i.e., we don't typically plan an activity, and we don't worry about each other getting bored. It is amusing, though, when my friend's parents throw parties, and people are amazed that I can read a book in the same room with loud music and 30 people. haha.

My NT boyfriend has grown accustomed to this quirk, but it bothered him a lot when we started dating. He felt like he *had* to entertain me if I came over to hang out, while I'd be fine just reading a book in his room while he did his own thing. He would outright refuse to let me come over at times, because he just couldn't get that we didn't need to plan an activity to hang out.

Definitely. Sometimes I just like somebody else to be there even if I have no intention of talking to them. The past year I haven't really felt like this at all though. I let my brother and a friend of mine move in with me because one of their roommates moved and another just took off one day and they could no longer afford rent. Since then I take whatever alone time I can get and I've almost completely stopped going out. I rarely see any of my friends anymore because I just don't have the energy for it.

I'm kind of like that as well. I like being around people, but honestly there are plenty of times I'd love to just be around them without actually engaging and socializing with them.