why is social interaction so exhausting?
Thanks everyone very much for the inputs.
We have many people staying. Tonight we're going to have 11 people staying in our house, and 13 here for lunch tomorrow.... aaaarrggghh
I'm going to try
- switching off my emotional working-out systems; I'm going to try much less hard to 'tune in' to other people; if the NT's are having a big emotion, they'll have to tell me. I'll be more wooden, less perceptive.
- I've also found an old note to myself on cartooning; if you just do a very simple children's cartoon of an upcoming situation; who is arriving when, what will happen, and when they're going - it can help Aspie mind's. I've done one.
My wife and I drove an hour away last night to dinner, into open country, on our own, which felt like it was healing also.
Socializing burns me out. You're always thinking 50 different things everytime you socialize. What do I do? What should I say? I didn't know I was supposed to do that, etc.....
And you try to fit in, but can't. Suddenly, you don't even see the point in even trying anymore. It's like playing a game you know you'll lose.
Then there are other things......
Time alone is a MUST after--or even DURING--a social situation for me or I can't function.
The key problem is anxiety and being over analytical, if you can learn to practice social situations with others and keep a check on how analytical you are being, you will feel more relaxed.
If you have trouble with sensory overload like myself, I wouldn't suggest going to a nightclub but instead going to places that are going to have calmer surroundings such as meditation classes, parks, public walks and libraries.
We have many people staying. Tonight we're going to have 11 people staying in our house, and 13 here for lunch tomorrow.... aaaarrggghh
I'm going to try
- switching off my emotional working-out systems; I'm going to try much less hard to 'tune in' to other people; if the NT's are having a big emotion, they'll have to tell me. I'll be more wooden, less perceptive.
- I've also found an old note to myself on cartooning; if you just do a very simple children's cartoon of an upcoming situation; who is arriving when, what will happen, and when they're going - it can help Aspie mind's. I've done one.
My wife and I drove an hour away last night to dinner, into open country, on our own, which felt like it was healing also.
I somewhere along the line figured out how to stop trying to keep up with these social situations. I just find somewhere quiet or try to find a small subgroup to sit with. If you can break the group down its easier. I put on mental blinkers and ignore the crowd, it works for me. No overload.
Jason
very interesting you found socialising with Aspie's not exhausting
thanks. this is a really interesting idea.
I 'self-medicate' with chocolate to give me energy and take me away to a slightly different (more detached) place mentally, and/or alcohol to dull the pain, - but actually the chocolate makes me more edgy and aggressive, which causes problems, and I can still see through the alcohol.
But the idea of centre-ing before the social-ising is interesting: to sort of brace myself and give myself resources and momentum to carry me through. thanks
well it's true, though I'm no expert I've only been to one, look above to bold
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Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob
daydreamer84
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Just like math, you can get better at socializing, so that the easier parts aren't as brain-intensive anymore. But I think for us it'll always be a little difficult and a little more exhausting than it is for NTs.
THIS
daydreamer84
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Joined: 8 Jul 2009
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,001
Location: My own little world
Hmm, it depends on the context really. I'm OK in general social situations, when I'm on my own again I don't think ''oh, thank god for that.'' But it depends on what we do. Like today I was with my friend and we were going around clothes shops, and I dislike looking around clothes shops but didn't want to sound boring to my friend, so I went round with her - anyway, clothes shopping is all right in small doses, which is what I thought we were just going to do, but we ended up going in and out of every clothes shop in sight, plus the shops grew busier at midday, and I started to feel exhausted. My friend kept on saying, ''ohh, look at those trousers, aren't they nice?'' or, ''look at this bra, I like that,'' and I had to really fake enthusiasm, but inside I was getting all stressed out and just wanted to leave, but I didn't want to say ''I can't stand this any more, I'm going now'' and just walk out because it might sound offensive to her, and she likes me a lot, so I don't want to show the whiny side of me. But in some of the shops, a lot of women kept coming into the shop and all seemed to be at one corner of the shop at once (where we were), and everywhere I stood, someone's arm kept on reaching from behind me to grab the exact item I was standing in front of, and I had to force myself to not physically push them down and yell at them to get the f**k out of my way. I felt so relieved when we were finally out of the shopping area and on our way home to eat lovely sandwiches.
But I don't know whether to class that as exhaustion with social interaction (giving my friend friendly enthusiasm in the clothes), or the actual shopping itself, or the crowds in general.
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Female
interesting. have you tried not pretending to care? people don't like you if you do that?
much for a muchness sadly.
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Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob
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