Am I THAT different? Really?

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A friend, tonight, tried to commit suicide by overdose. Her husband took her to the hospital.

I have been reprimanded by several friends for my reaction.

I am not shocked or sad... I am disgusted.

Am I that different from the NTs? Am I different from Aspies?

I don't blame you for being disgusted. Is there a particular reason you feel this way? Are you angry about the person doing it? Are you disappointed in the person?

Not angry...

She is bipolar... so am I... I have been at a one (mood scale) before... I have had clinical depression symptoms so bad that I have suffered malnutrition... but it wasn't a case of trying to... wasn't hungry and didn't get out of bed...

That was one instance out of many... I have never tried... thought about it once, and rejected it out of hand, because it's a lazy way and I have never backed down from anything...

I am disgusted because she didn't have the courage to face life. Disappointed because the five people (now four - whether she survives or not) have earned the right to be held to the standards of what I consider a friend... and I am disappointed that she failed that and that I misjudged...

My NT friends are all shocked and dismayed that I am not at the hospital, wringing my hands and being overly dramatic over it, like the rest of them

Have you ever wanted to die? I have. The only thing I would be disgusted by is the fact that a better, more fail-proof and painless method, was not used. I know that, when stuff like this happens, I can never say anything close to what I initially want to say because all of the NTs will be disgusted with me.

Have some compassion. She is obviously very ill mentally right now, depression and bi polar are very serious things. What is needs is some compassion, not disgust. So I have to agree with your friends.

^ as previously stated... I think our posts crossed in the ether, however

I don't have it in me. Weakness and selfishness to the point of LITERALLY destroying her husband's world is not something I can summon compassion for.

Are you meaning that because you've dealt with life and since she tried to take her's that she's... weak (or something) and that you don't respect her for it? Yeah, that is pretty selfish. I remember when this kind of thing happened to someone very close to me and I felt the same way that you described her husband as feeling. I felt like my whole world was going to end because they wanted to escape from everything- and I was trapped.

You have a right to think/feel whatever it is you think/feel.

When my brother's best friend killed himself I did not feel any sadness for him or his friends & family who were clearly upset. Rather, I felt jealous that he was brave enough to put himself out of his misery and I am too chicken to do so.

However, I was not reprimanded for my thoughts/feelings because I do not share them with anyone. You have a right to think/feel whatever it is that you think/feel but if it might hurt others you are probably best not sharing that - even if the reason for not sharing it is so they don't hurt you by invalidating your thoughts/feelings.

Psychological pain is very difficult to anaesthetise, and levels of this pain are noone else's to judge.

So her pain level was so high that ending it in this way seemed worth the damage left in her wake...

A dramatic, sentimental response is foolish & will not help her.
Nor will abandonment by someone who might have understood, due to having the same condition..

Think...

That is the thing... I don't... I don't understand it in any way shape or form...

Suicide is a consequence of severe mental illness. Not everyone experiences suicidal ideation to the same degree, so you can't really compare how easily you shook it off to someone else's experiences. It's not a matter of weakness or selfishness. It's the consequence of cognitive distortions, almost delusional beliefs about yourself and the people around you. Someone at the point of suicide might even think they're being selfless, and may see themselves as a cause of pain for everyone around them. Further, attempting suicide is not an act of weakness. Actually pushing yourself to take action to kill yourself tends to take a lot of mental effort. Instinctually, people want to live, and negating that is not easy, even when in the depths of suicidal ideation and the urge to just die.

You said that you misjudged her in that you thought she met the standards of what you consider a friend, but right now, you are seriously failing at being her friend, as well as her husband's friend (if you consider him one as well). If you insist on expressing disgust and disappointment about this woman's life-threatening illness, you will likely push everyone who cares about her away from you, and deservedly so.

I do understand what it's like to be suicidal enough to attempt it, because I have attempted it. I haven't tried in 15 or 16 years, but I remember what it was like to be in that frame of mind. I also often experience bouts of intense suicidal ideation even now (but fewer than even two years ago), and I just do not get how people leap to such judgmental assumptions about attempted or completed suicides.

Verdandi: I asked a question because I am trying to understand the differences between the way I think and those around me... This is a gulf in cognitive perception that, until an hour or so ago, I did not realize was there...

I HAVE NOT, nor did I INTEND to start spouting my perceptions of this event to my friends ESPECIALLY her husband. This is my best friend of over 20 years.

The reprimands came because I did not immediately jump up and run to the hospital... as there is nothing I can do... That is where I started to realize that I was reacting differently than they.

Without asking me for more information about the situation, you made an assumption that is fairly offensive. I did not ask for a moral judgement, nor a measure of my friendship. Please do not presume such knowledge.

I am simply striving to understand this suddenly apparent gulf.

To be totally frank with you, you seem to be in shock.

Anger, disgust..can be an expression of that.
If you had accepted her as a friend, trusted her, and don't do that easily, you may be feeling some kind of betrayal has occurred...with anger & pushing away as a protective response.

This is your instinct in action.
In time perhaps, (as it happened so very recently), your intellect will kick in... and you may arrive at some additional responses.
I would suggest that you judge neither your own feelings, nor your friend, quite so quickly.

However... This is something that I was not aware of. Having no frame of reference, I had not contemplated this aspect of it... While I cannot wrap my mind around that thought process... I can accept that it is so.

That's the thing... I am not angry... not even remotely... And I'm not judging my feelings... I accept that what I feel is they way I am mad... just curious... and confused.