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Can somebody please explain the feeling of it being right?

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Kroni
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29 Apr 2012, 9:51 am

Okay, katwithhat, I'll do my best to explain how I see it.

When people say something doesn't "feel right", they usually have a logical reason for feeling that way that they are just unable to articulate.

Perhaps you like the McDonalds that is farther because they get the orders right more often, or they have better hours, or a nicer staff. Maybe you just had a good experience there at some point, and that makes you feel safe in a place that would otherwise give you undue stress or hyperawareness. Like one of the posters already said, Aspies love familiarity, we want to be able to predict what will happen.

The same could be said about doing your hair before your makeup. Perhaps you have developed a mental picture of yourself based on that routine, and seeing that routine out of order distorts that mental image. It's all about familiarity.

These feelings don't necessarily have to reflect reality. Perhaps the McDonalds you like has nothing special about it at all, and your hair and makeup probably look the same no matter which one is started first. It is still logical when you take into account a person's insecurities and mindset. If your goal is to make yourself look as good as possible, why would you not stick with the routine that compliments your mental image? If you often get intimidated in new places due to a social disability, why would you not go to the McDonalds you are used to?



katwithhat
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29 Apr 2012, 11:34 am

Kroni wrote:
Okay, katwithhat, I'll do my best to explain how I see it.

When people say something doesn't "feel right", they usually have a logical reason for feeling that way that they are just unable to articulate.

Perhaps you like the McDonalds that is farther because they get the orders right more often, or they have better hours, or a nicer staff. Maybe you just had a good experience there at some point, and that makes you feel safe in a place that would otherwise give you undue stress or hyperawareness. Like one of the posters already said, Aspies love familiarity, we want to be able to predict what will happen.

The same could be said about doing your hair before your makeup. Perhaps you have developed a mental picture of yourself based on that routine, and seeing that routine out of order distorts that mental image. It's all about familiarity.

These feelings don't necessarily have to reflect reality. Perhaps the McDonalds you like has nothing special about it at all, and your hair and makeup probably look the same no matter which one is started first. It is still logical when you take into account a person's insecurities and mindset. If your goal is to make yourself look as good as possible, why would you not stick with the routine that compliments your mental image? If you often get intimidated in new places due to a social disability, why would you not go to the McDonalds you are used to?


YES!! !! To this!! !!


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EstherJ
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29 Apr 2012, 11:56 am

I wonder, do you do it because it's "right?" Like, were you taught as a kid to do things in a certain order and now, it's just "right?" The other order is "wrong."
I tend to take things as moral as they get. If I read that you're supposed to put on socks before jeans, then I feel morally obligated to do so. It makes no sense, it just is. I have to be careful what I read, because of stuff like that.

Another thought is, do you do it because it makes more sense? It seems more efficient? You're calmer? Maybe the drive to the further Mcdonalds has less traffic, so it's less stressful, or it's more practical to do your hair before your makeup to get it out of your face?



katwithhat
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29 Apr 2012, 3:49 pm

EstherJ wrote:
I wonder, do you do it because it's "right?" Like, were you taught as a kid to do things in a certain order and now, it's just "right?" The other order is "wrong."
I tend to take things as moral as they get. If I read that you're supposed to put on socks before jeans, then I feel morally obligated to do so. It makes no sense, it just is. I have to be careful what I read, because of stuff like that.

I am this way regarding procedures. I cannot "jump" around. A-Z type of thing. I have to go through the steps one at a time in order.

Another thought is, do you do it because it makes more sense? It seems more efficient? You're calmer? Maybe the drive to the further Mcdonalds has less traffic, so it's less stressful, or it's more practical to do your hair before your makeup to get it out of your face?


I think it's comfort when it comes to the Mc Donald's thing. I like the route getting there because I use the same route going other places. I feel safe on those roads because I use them more frequently.

I have obviously not used the correct verbiage when trying to ask my original question. Thank you to all who have tried to help. And I apologize for my frustration.


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tjr1243
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30 Apr 2012, 12:49 am

katwithhat wrote:
I guess maybe what I am asking is why must we have such rigid routines and cannot stand it if they are broken?


Can't speak for anyone else, but for myself there are three reasons:

1). An intense feeling of unease/discomfort if things are not done the 'right' way (anxiety)

2). Intolerance of uncertainty. I like to be sure of things - Want to know for sure if someone will call/come over, etc. It is hard to plan a day when you know someone *might* call or *might* come over. Even having a friend who MIGHT call or wants to hang out, just not every day - is enough to drive me nuts! 8O

3). What seems like a rigid routine to others may actually have a convoluted logic to it. Just those of us on the spectrum think things through in more detail, so we come to the logical conclusion as to why *only* our circumscribed routine works :)