To mention AS or not?

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Hi everyone,

I've known of the existence of AS for quite a while, and known that some of the common traits seemed to fit me. However, I never considered that I might have it, largely because of the commonly-accepted idea that people with AS don't experience empathy. I'm a highly sensitive and empathic person - in fact, having an alcoholic parent, high empathy was something of a survival trait. I'm also emotional. I value logic and rationality over emotion, but I don't have good emotional control and often find myself tearful if I'm being criticised or if I'm stressed or overwhelmed. I'm a Myers-Briggs INFP, and I know most people with AS are T-types.

Traits I have that do seem to fit with AS:

- social impairment. I don't have any offline friends, don't understand social cues, and as a child didn't want to form friendships - reading a good book or coming up with stories in my imagination was much more interesting. I can't do eye contact for more than a couple of seconds, and have always felt that in interaction I'm just 'copying' what everyone else can do naturally. I'm very anxious in social situations and tend to avoid them.

- sensory overload, particularly with sounds and bright lights. I don't go out without wearing headphones, and I tend to 'space out' on occasion when it gets too noisy at work. I always assumed this was just an introvert thing and/or related to anxiety. I have a long 'recharge time' after I've been in a noisy or crowded environment.

- prosopagnosia. I was amazed to discover this was actually a real, named problem, I just thought I was weird for not recognizing faces and facial expressions. I tend to identify acquaintances by hair and clothing style more than anything else.

- hyperlexia. I was reading newspapers aged three

- all or nothing, black-and-white thinking. I'm aware of when I'm doing it now, but I can't think any differently!

- executive dysfunction. I'm disorganized and procrastinate to excess, and without some kind of external structure (like being employed) that gets a lot worse. I'm a perfectionist and sometimes it feels like I can't start something because I don't know how to get it done perfectly right. (seeabove!)

- being uninterested in romance and/or physical intimacy. I don't like physical contact and the whole idea sort of squicks me on a personal, if not a conceptual level.

- theory of mind. It's not quite like the traditional test, but I remember at school aged 8 we were making sandwiches for the homeless, and I refused to use the sandwich fillings because they weren't things I liked to eat. I understood that the sandwiches weren't for me, but not that other people had different tastes. It seemed wrong to give someone else something you wouldn't eat yourself.

- stimming. I like to pace and to rub my hands together. I was told off for it as a child, but I'm 25 now and still do it sometimes in private

- being overly literal. I like playing with words and can understand when people are speaking figuratively, but I get an added layer of amusement from the literal meaning. This extends to etymology sometimes! It's also the reason I can't use swear words - I can't dissociate them from the literal meaning of the word, and so using them seems nonsensical.

- specialist interests. I don't have one, I've had lots, and I go into each as in-depth as I can before moving on to something else. Examples include constructed languages, subatomic particles, quantum physics, Tolkien, various other book series and TV shows, linguistics, sociology, attachment parenting (and I don't have kids!), certain political philosophies. I guess I'm not a specialist so much as I am a dilettante - there are too many interesting subjects out there to just pick one!

I know not all people with AS experience all of these things! The reason I'm explaining all of this is because I'm in therapy at the moment for social anxiety and I'm wondering whether it would be worth mentioning Asperger's to my therapist. I'm concerned about the confirmation bias with regard to self-diagnosis, particularly given the traits I have that don't seem to fit. Given what I've shared, do you think AS is a possibility (enough to bring it up to my therapist) or whether I'd be better off looking for alternate explanations for my particular traits?

Thank you for reading this far!

~ Revah

Would it hurt to mention it to them?

Well, I don't want to come across as a hypochondriac or diagnosis hunter - I want to be as sure as it's possible to be before I bring it up. I do score as being on the spectrum in every online test I've tried. I guess posting here was one more way of looking for a balanced view.

It may be worth mentioning. Possibly print out the results from some of the tests and take them with you.

It sounds to me like you may have AS, actually you sound a lot like me. I have most of the symptoms you experience but consider myself a very compassionate and sympathetic person. Lacking empathy does not necessarily mean you don't experience sympathy for others or can't be sensitive- it means you have difficulty knowing what other people are thinking and seeings from their point of view. And everyone with AS is different so not having one symptom does not necessarily mean you don't have AS. And most people with AS don't have good emotional control and are prone to having melt downs when stressed or overwhelmed.

You can try mentioning it to your therapist but keep in mind if he or she treats people for anxiety then they probably won't be of much help. Unfortunately most therapists, even those familiar with ASDs, don't know how to recognize AS in adults unless they are very severely affected. If your therapist doesn't think you have AS I wouldn't be discouraged; you're better off meeting with a psychologist trained to diagnose Aspergers in adults. Do you find your therapy sessions helpful? If you do have AS you'll probably benefit more from therapy from someone trained to work with people with AS. I used to go to therapy for anxiety and it didn't do much for me because the therapist did not understand what was causing my anxiety or my thought processes. I'm finding therapy much more beneficial since switching to someone knowledgeable about Aspergers.

So I went ahead and talked to my therapist. She doesn't specialize in anxiety issues (that was just what I happened to be seeing her for) and has a good understanding of AS so far as I can tell. I think I'm getting on well in the sessions, but it's a first for me having someone to talk to who doesn't judge and tell me my thoughts and experiences are wrong, so I'm not too inclined to be critical at the moment!

She said that when she first met me it occurred to her that I might have it. I've been seeing her for a few months and she said what steered her away from the idea is the fact that I have a lot of consideration for other people's feelings (or rather, what I hypothesize they're feeling, since nobody but them can tell for sure )

However, we had a good discussion about it and she's suggested I read up on it more and that if it's useful to my understanding of myself then whether or not I meet all the formal diagnostic criteria isn't the most important thing. (I actually can't pursue diagnostic assessment as in the event that I was formally diagnosed I'd be required to declare it at work and I'm not really comfortable with that)

The more I read, though, the more it seems to fit. I don't feel so bad about having meltdowns when the stress gets too much now that I know I'm not the only one and other people have experienced this too - as well as all the other traits that make me feel like an anthropologist from Mars . (Thank you, elf_1half! I really appreciated your post.)

You sound a lot like me, including the emotional side of things. I also have trouble recognising faces... I also grew up with an alcoholic parent.

Have you tried looking into ADHD at all? It may not fit all of your symptoms, but it may be an "alternative" diagnosis for those who struggle but don't quite qualify for an Asperger's diagnosis. I find I have symptoms of both and there has been a fair amount of research and speculation that they are quite closely related to each other. Some people also have both diagnoses.

Anyhow, I mention it only because I feel like my social and knowledge of empathy iis more developed than a lot of people on the spectrum, and yet I still have trouble due to anxiety, being overly sensitive, and being naturally introverted.

My advice is to investigate it and see what you can learn. If it fits, great. If not, at least you leaned something.

I believe that idea is almost completely false, and arises from the fact that the documentation on AS was created by neuro-typical people, who aren't able to understand people with AS fully, and assume we lack empathy because we don't express our emotions in the expected ways.