Do people like you again if they see your 'ugly' side?

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Have you ever had a meltdown or just an emotional moment.....ever cried or spoke what you really felt......only to find that people no longer liked you after showing your true self?

Sorry if the title of this post is misleading......by 'ugly', I mean the side of you that you feel shy about displaying to others.

I'm quite upset by something that happened today. To make a long story short, I've been getting along well with this person who I consider to be a good potential friend. So I thought I would make a good impression.

I have severe depression and anxiety issues on top of AS, but I've learned from past experience that people HATE tears or displays of any negative emotion.....if you're not the kind of person that people will tolerate it from.

I happen to be the kind of person that cries.....and it scares rather than endears people. Same with discussing 'touchy-feely' subjects - I bungle it badly

So I try as much as possible to stick with neutral, light subjects and NOT cry in front of people if I possibly can, but it is difficult.

Anyway, this one person became a shoulder to cry on.....I just cried and cried.....and ugh, I've regretted it ever since.

When people think you are a happy go lucky person - or you hope they think that -- it is just so embarrassing when you can't keep up that front and let it all hang loose all at once......ugh it is a horrible feeling.....

I feel like this person doesn't like me anymore..

Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever shown people a glimpse of your true self, only to find that they dislike you in the future, or do you find that people forget easily and move on?

Every side is my ugly side. I wear a proverbial mask, but it stays on so often that sometimes it ends up wearing me.

In my experience, since the part of you that they liked is still there, they are likely to still like you. For all they know you were simply having a very bad day and perhaps other not mentioned things as well. Just say "Sorry about that, I was having one of those days!" Or something to that effect..

Just my opinion.. good luck!

As Omnicognic, explain it well and people should/will still like you.

I've never experienced anybody disliking or leaving me after I've actively displayed going through a rough time (meltdown, panic attack, crying etc), nor does it even cloud others opinions of you. Every single person ever goes through rough days, and many people display that - people, in general, understand and accommodate for this. Your friend could have probably felt honoured you deemed them trustworthy enough to show that side to them.

I had a panic attack in my third ever Biology class at college, nobody talked s**t about me and the guy who sat next to me who I barely knew is now my partner. I'd say, if you're around mature people (I would have gotten endless hell for it at high school), not only do friends who already like you not dislike, but it shouldn't cloud the judgement of those who don't know you, either.

You never know anyone until you see them at "their worst." What happened to you today might be just the breakthrough you've craved. If not, maybe you'll be spared some wasted time.

Either way, you are you - and it's never too late to start loving the you you've yet to know.

When I read "ugly side" what came to mind was something totally different than what you obviously meant. When people see my ugly side they usually don't want to see me again. I can't say I blame them.

For the most part, everyone has the proverbial ' other side' to their personality. People respond differently depending upon the situation and their mood. I think it's commonly referred to as a 'dark side'.



TheSunAlsoRises

To answer your question: When I become angered, people look into my eyes...get up and leave.

But, I'm much older and mellower, now. LoL.

TheSunAlsoRises

I definitely feel as if I have an undesirable side that may kill friendship if it ever gets out.

But when I look at the way people have responded to my negative emotions, I can't see much evidence that I've put people off me with them.

Crying.........with partners I don't think it's ever done any harm. In fact I think in some cases it helped, because it made them see that I wasn't as cold-hearted as I might have seemed. Only thing I noticed was that if I did it again with the same partner, the sympathy it generated would kind of wear off, or at least that's how it felt at the time.

Anger............As far as I can see, people's reaction to it has been pretty reasonable. When I was younger I used to bottle it until I couldn't stand it any more, and then I'd let fly, so it's probably not surprising people backed off. Declaring war on people is likely to have that effect.

In rare cases the other person has seemed to over-react though. There was one gf who dumped me seemingly because of a couple of very brief angry outbursts, but I think that was mostly her problem. I've been told that my anger is harder to deal with than most people's because I'm normally so smooth and accommodating that it can be a hell of a shock to discover the rough side of my tongue. But the person who said that was using it as an excuse to justify their own behaviour, which had been much worse. Another used to cry the moment I raised my voice, and then remember my behaviour as worse than it was, telling me later that I'd thrown a glass at her when I'd actually thrown a cup onto the floor by my own feet. I can't recall using palpably threatening behaviour on anybody I had the slightest regard for.

Back in the day, I felt terrible about those reactions to my anger. My mother had done a lot of damage by hammering me for the slightest show of aggression, I'd internalised that and began my adult life thinking that anger was an evil, redundant emotion, but had discovered that it can't be repressed. So in order to grow, I needed to be with people who could cope with a bit of vitreol like responsible adults. I already felt too guilty about my anger, that was why I was bottling it and that was why it was coming out in an uncontrolled way.

Anyway, as time went by I felt more able to be assertive and to air my criticisms while my anger was still finite. It works a lot better. If I get too angry, sure I can bottle it very well in a sense, but I find my attitude towards the other person still deteriorates, and somehow I can't show warmth towards them properly, or I'll get clumsy with their feelings, or I'll find myself avoiding them, and somehow or other they become "the enemy" without my ever having taken the conscious decision to see them that way,

The worst problem has been from certain partners who have fallen for me mostly because of their own narcissistic needs, when they've hardly known me. Those people put me on a pedestal.....I can feel them doing it, and it scares me, because I can't live up to their expectations, and I know that one day when they finally wake up, they'll be very disappointed in me. I can't work with that.....all I can do is hope to notice that the way they initially treat me is too good to be true, and then either get away from them or have a robust conversation about it, and be ready to move on if they don't demonstrate that they know what I'm on about.

I think most people will tolerate some degree of human negativity and will use it as a force for good, to identify problems and to work with me to solve them. I also think that some people just want an inferior or two in their lives, a mascot or scapegoat, the runt of the litter who reminds them how big they are.

No, when people see my emotional side they avoid me.

I cried in front of a man I really fancy before (long story as to why), but he seemed to have forgotten about it and hasn't judged me against it since. This happened 3 years ago and we're the best of friends now (been great friends since 8 months after the incident).

I never really had a problem with that since my closest friends and family have similar issues so they relate with compassion.
What few times I remember blowing up at them it was forgiven by the next day.

Sometimes.

These days I try to let people know if something is bothering me, and why, before it makes me too upset. It's when I let myself get so upset that I can't even articulate what the problem is that I'm likely to blow, and then have a lot of making up to do, if making up is even possible.

I think that if the other cares and wants to understand, and if you can later explain why the meltdown occurred, it's more likely to have a positive outcome. Some people won't let you explain, they don't want to relive the incident even enough to hear an explanation of why.

Sorry, I decided that personal worst story I told about earlier was too personal to leave posted.