Neurotypicals and what annoys me about many of them
Ok having Aspergers I can not form relationships and when I do make friends I treat them right.
Why do so many get into relationships and then have affairs and cheat?
It seems to me many can talk the talk to get into relationships but they can not walk the walk.
There are loads of decent NTs but they seem to be blind to the cheats and abusers.
I judge people by their actions not by their body language or smooth personality.
I see many women fall for some maggot and end up stuck with the children.
My sister married a total waste of space and I could see it from the start by his actions.
I may be blind to social cues and body language but can body language and social cues make NTs blind to facts?
Projectile
Snowy Owl
Joined: 26 Jun 2012
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 128
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Judging may be a poor choice of words.
However I seen this man she married do and say some very nasty things and he went nuts with two or three drinks.
Maybe the correct term is make an assessment of a person.
My sister is now divorced and in big debt for getting rid of this person.
He has lied and turned the children against her.
She wonders to herself why he has changed so much.
The fact is he has not changed and she is only seeing the truth because her poor judgement blew up in her face.
Actually, many people of the spectrum get "into affairs and cheat" too. The dynamic isn't restricted to NTs. I know a number of Aspies on this site who are on their second or third marriage, and from I've read here Aspies often seem to be less bound to strict monogamous relationships than NTs!
_________________
I've left WP indefinitely.
This is Neurotypical Disorder, I'm sorry, "Neurotypicalism," in a nutshell.
When I am feeling frustrated I have a rant on here I do not really deeply mean everything I say I just let of steam.
Your reply is a classic example of how I find things difficult to read.
Are you making a joke with me?
Are you being sarcastic because I had a rant?
Taking things in a literal way or not being able to figure what people mean.
Hopefully I can get some help with social training or something.
Just let me know what you really meant to see if I was reading you correctly or if I was way off.
Your post was not a big deal me not be able to understand it properly is.
Ok I did not know that.
I suppose it annoys me to see people wreaking their relationships when I find it impossible to get into one in the first place.
Been wondering about this sometimes too, and my conclusion is that NT's don't see what's actually there but much more what they wish to be true. You can observe this behavior on many levels, not only their relationships, but also in regards to religion or spirituality.
Whenever i say, there is no god, never was, and never will be, someone says, you must believe it. And i say, why? There is no next world, no resurrection, no reincarnation because that's not the way nature works, it's only wishful thinking or a mass psychosis, at least a very distorted idea of what reality is like.
There are such guys and also many females who intentionally abuse others and take advantage of them. That's a fact and that you say it has nothing to do with being judgmental. There are statistics about domestic violence.
Many NT's possess weird concepts about reality and believe in idiotic proverbs like "Love Conquers All," and i assume after the first violent marital strife they rather decide to ignore reality in order to protect their wishful thinking about how things should be.
Whenever i say, there is no god, never was, and never will be, someone says, you must believe it. And i say, why? There is no next world, no resurrection, no reincarnation because that's not the way nature works, it's only wishful thinking or a mass psychosis, at least a very distorted idea of what reality is like.
There are such guys and also many females who intentionally abuse others and take advantage of them. That's a fact and that you say it has nothing to do with being judgmental. There are statistics about domestic violence.
Many NT's possess weird concepts about reality and believe in idiotic proverbs like "Love Conquers All," and i assume after the first violent marital strife they rather decide to ignore reality in order to protect their wishful thinking about how things should be.
I really agree with your post.
This is Neurotypical Disorder, I'm sorry, "Neurotypicalism," in a nutshell.
When I am feeling frustrated I have a rant on here I do not really deeply mean everything I say I just let of steam.
Your reply is a classic example of how I find things difficult to read.
Are you making a joke with me?
Are you being sarcastic because I had a rant?
Taking things in a literal way or not being able to figure what people mean.
Hopefully I can get some help with social training or something.
Just let me know what you really meant to see if I was reading you correctly or if I was way off.
Your post was not a big deal me not be able to understand it properly is.
That's interesting, because maybe I'm also unaware at how I come across, and maybe I wasn't articulating properly. But in this case, I think you misunderstand me, so I'll spell it out for you.
I fully agree with your sentiment about NTs. You are absolutely correct.
This is Neurotypical Disorder, = I'm saying they are the ones who truly have a disorder, not us
I'm sorry, "Neurotypicalism," = correcting my deliberate misnomer to point out the irony that in reality, NTs are considered normal, and we have the disorder, even though I feel the opposite.
in a nutshell. = a nutshell is literally tiny and compact, and contains a nut. Figuratively, in that one short, tiny sentence, you accurately summarized NTs.
And thank you for not going on the defensive over a miscommunication. An NT who misunderstood me would never stop, pause, and inquire. Instead, an NT would immediately get defensive, assume the worst, assume they are correct about me trying to be a jerk, even though I'm not, and attack me.
Ilka
Veteran
Joined: 7 May 2011
Age: 52
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,365
Location: Panama City, Republic of Panama
I read a scientific article a couple of months ago which said women make poor choices while ovulating and they will ignore obvious facts because their hormones make them choose the fittest male (sexy, dominant) over the responsible, tender, caing guy. So apparently hormones have to do with poor choices.
I also read a book saying mapen cheat because their primary instinct is to spread the seed, so their hormones lead them to get into bed with as many women as they can. So apparently for men instincts are responsible for cheating.
Perdonally I do not buy that crap. I do have hormones and I learned quickly which guys you just do not date no matter much you like them. And my husband of 17 years is extremely faithful. Has always being. So are we abnormals?
In fairness, many of them struggled forming relationships with women much of their lives. When they finally got one, and things went sour, they were better able to find a second one although they were still attached. This is because NT women who may be hesitant about aspies are actually more receptive to a sexual relationship when they know the aspie already has a woman. The female "logic" is "oh, another woman wanted him, so he must be desirable to some extent. Cool, I'll give him permission to sleep with me, even though I probably wouldn't have even given him the time of day if he was single."
I don't blame the sexually-frustrated and loveless marriage aspie men for their infidelity.
From what I gather, NT wives fail to directly explain what they're feeling toward the AS husband. Sure, some aspie husbands may be unwilling to listen. But it reading support group forums for NT wives with AS husbands, most of these women list all of their grievances, but the one thing most have in common is they never actually shared these grievances directly with their AS husbands. They'll biitch and moan that he didn't just "pick up on it," but very few of these women ever actually directly told them their husbands how they felt. They never factor themselves into the equation of the failed marriage.
As I don't know you or your relationship please don't take this as an attack. I just want to point out that I didn't until recently understand there was a lot of things emotional my wife needs from me. Now that I'm aware we can work on fulfilling those needs but in a relationship the people support each other.
From what I gather, NT wives fail to directly explain what they're feeling toward the AS husband. Sure, some aspie husbands may be unwilling to listen. But it reading support group forums for NT wives with AS husbands, most of these women list all of their grievances, but the one thing most have in common is they never actually shared these grievances directly with their AS husbands. They'll biitch and moan that he didn't just "pick up on it," but very few of these women ever actually directly told them their husbands how they felt. They never factor themselves into the equation of the failed marriage.
You're very right except I think that they feel that they have said it. They just don't realize that the other person didn't pick up on their subtleness.
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