Too 'normal' to say I am AS, too 'strange' to say no disabil

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Is anyone else in this boat? It's an awkward situation to be in, and affects mostly people on the very high end of the spectrum, like me. I've always had a very mild form of AS, and I know all the social rules in my head, although sometimes I have trouble verbalising them/acting them out properly like others can. I can express my feelings, and have empathy when I need/want to, and I've always instinctively been able to recognise body language and voice and all of that stuff, which is what I'm thankful for.

But I feel I can pass off as NT enough, but people always suspect some sort of co-morbid condition, like anxiety, extreme shyness, lack of confidence, and social phobia. I can't pass off as a regular NT and forget I ever have something wrong. For example, at job interviews, I always feel embarrassed to mention AS, not only because I'm ashamed of it, but also I'm afraid of what their reaction might be (which, I have read somewhere, that worrying about what other people think can be what holds a person on the mild end of the spectrum back and can have an affect on the way they see themselves). Like when I get asked at the interview, ''do you have any physical or mental health disabilities that can affect your work?'', I feel so shy of telling them bluntly that I have AS. They will probably be susprised and think, ''oh, I didn't expect her to say she has that'', but if I say no they will probably think, ''she ain't like the other applicants, there's something off about her, but she doesn't look like she has any disabilities, maybe she's just weird.'' I have actually had a couple of past experiences with this before, which is why now I can feel a bit insecure about opening up, and I feel that it's personal and I don't like to tell people any more.

I hate being caught in this trap: ''too Aspie to be NT but too NT to be Aspie''. Does anyone else have a type of AS that affects you half and half like this, and if so how do you deal with it?

I see myself as half aspie and half NT and I am also too embarrassed to say I have AS. I seem more affected by it than you in some areas and you seem more affected by it than me in other areas. For one, I don't have social phobia because I do not care what others think nor care to fit in. My mother says people would not even guess I have a disability or AS. I feel I am not aspie enough and I feel I am too aspie to be normal. It's always good to see I am not alone in this.

I just told my online friend who is clingy to try looking up AS some time. My way of telling him I have it without being direct about it. I am so sick and tired of him thinking I am ignoring him or being rude and expecting the impossible out of me. I have told him I don't know what to say to him or talk about and I hope maybe if he reads about it, he might get it since me explaining my issues doesn't seem to work so maybe the label will. I rarely tell people I have it, online and real life.

Being on the spectrum makes my worklife difficult. Changes annoy me to death. I'm overstimulated by the constant barrage of lights, sounds and smells. I'm a nurse, so imagine! I lean more towards being more aspie than NT because of my extreme social issues. Group meetings? Hate 'em. Group outings? Forget it. Just not gonna happen. I despise the stupid nurse meetings they have. Getting out of them always gets me close to being fired. I'm not look forward to rejoining the NT world in a month or two, but I have no choice. I got denied for SSD recently.

I am in pretty much the same boat. I function well in many social situations now but that is after years of adaptation and learning. I know that I came off as fairly autistic socially when I was in my teens and twenties because a friend I had at the time used to (meanly) say that I seemed like someone with autism due to my social issues. I also know that I don't have much in the way of sensory issues and don't experience meltdowns like some people unfortunately do. I question if I actually have it (I am self-diagnosed) because at times I can seem so normal. When I am around people that I mostly know I can joke around, make people laugh, etc. However, I do still have issues in taking others too literally and am terrible in situations where I know no one. I also have really bad short term memory, concentration, and issues with executive functioning. I have spent my whole life dealing with anxiety issues and depression too. I can't take even the littlest bit of rejection and most of the times speak in a "high English" that is very formal and pedantic as that is my default manner of speaking. I have also dressed the same way for 25 years and have no interest in being in fashion, just comfortable. Sometimes I look so bad when I go out that people might confuse me with someone who is homeless. So yeah, I don't know. If it is possible to be 50/50 then that's me.

I also question nature vs nurture. How much of how I am is from how I have been treated by others and how much of it is how I am wired? Then again, was my severe mistreatment due to my poor reactions from taking things literally that were never meant to be taken that way? I mean, it's normal for people to tease each other (something that I didn't learn until I was nearly 30) in a joking way but I always took it as literal. Not having the proper response to such things likely cause me much of my social issues in childhood and I do take that as being an autistic trait. From those misunderstandings though, how much of how I am is due to how I dealt with life from a perpetually defensive posture? Does this give me more autistic traits than I would otherwise have or does the very existence of these reactions confirm diagnosis? It's actually a very interesting question and one I have been spinning in circles over for the last few months.

I'm like this too. People notice there's something "off" after a while but can't tell what it is. I don't like to tell anyone because in the past that's had poor results, they distance themselves immediately or start treating me like I'm an idiot or something. I got diagnosed, it explained some of the difficulties I've been having, but my therapist flat out told me I wouldn't fit in with any local Aspie group sessions and from what I've seen he's right.

For an Aspie with social phobia and high anxiety issues, I have actually surprised myself in a lot of social situations recently, and I don't drink alcohol and I'm not on any medications or anything. The last time I went to the pub with my brother and his friends (I had to force myself to go out with them), I believe did very well, for someone in my state. I kept a good posture, I got a drink of coke, I joined the group, I made eye contact, I acted cheerful (laughed when the others laughed), and I kept quite a firm gait (did not let myself become away from the group, I stayed in the group). The only thing that gave me away was my extreme shyness. I hardly said two words, but I have a cousin who has always been shy (but is NT), and he hadn't had much to drink but was still more talkative than I was, so the mutism did let me down a bit. Otherwise, the body language was really good, I knew I had done well because I am aware of my own body language and I stayed in the group, I didn't shy away and sit alone biting my nails or anything like that, I kept up a confident, sociable posture and kept on smiling and making eye contact and spoke when specifically spoken to.

So if I could keep that up, I must have extremely high self-awareness and quite good social skills for an anxious young person on the spectrum with social phobia (I tick all the boxes each time I do various tests on social phobia, and I can easily relate to NTs who have social phobia too). Sometimes I wonder if I am PDD-NOS, but then I sometimes wonder if my brother is, but even he is more talkative than me without having much alcohol, so I must actually be on the spectrum to be that awfully mute and not get the right words into my head at the right time to say the right things, but I feel I am just about on the spectrum (well, I am enough to get diagnosed at a young age).

Yes I feel like this sometimes.......caught in-between Autistic and normal.

I feel like this too. Are we NT with aspie traits or vice-versa? Even if mine isn't severe enough to qualify as a diagnosis, I know I will never be neurotypical. There are too many traits that cannot be explained by another condition. I do have social anxiety.

i think that you think that people are more perceptive than they actually are
and also judgmental

I feel like this at times and I also still worry about my future and getting a job in my field once I graduate. I try to tell myself that there are lot of "weird" people in IT, but at the same time I can easily see differences between me and other "IT people" and I know others can see these things as well.

Hi everybody, (hi dr. nick!

Well, I do have this too, I'm diagnosed as gifted (from May last year, my psychologist didn't even want to tell me that, she was doubting if i was gifted and/or an aspie), but have a lot of traits of an aspie. I reply to this, because i feel this way joe90 says. To be honest, I have been reading on WP for a while to find some recognition. And Joe90, (not to sound creepy) but i have been reading your post especially, and if I wouldn't know better, the things you have written, well, i could have written them. I find it very confrontational to read so much facts that i can relate to. Social phobia, not going outside, i can't have and stand small talk, and I'm very easily overwhelmed by noise and people. ..
As a child i was not aware of the outside world, i have lived in my own little bubble, but when i went to a psychologist for the first time, i became aware of my incapacities. And the thing was, it was a school psychologist, and she had no idea of what was wrong with me, until i have shown my drawings, that are very detailed. Everyone i know was impressed (i made this in a depression) but for me it was like "nah this is normal" until she said to me: "this is not normal, you must have a hyper focus..." and that's how the ball started rolling.

I have always felt different but, i couldn't tell why, I became comfortable in my own little fantasy world. But still, i can act NT. I can make friends but it's an act. I have learned, what is proper, and how to interact with people. I have always covered my disabilities. So that's why i still don't know, was it the chicken or the egg problem ,you know?
Menny greetz

Yep, count me in with the half-aspie-half-NT crowd, hence my signature line.

I did have a friend tell me that if she didn't know me, she would've thought I was more or less normal, but since she knows me, she can see why I think I might have AS. I had a coworker remark how another coworker wondered if I was autistic, and I think people who know me could probably tell you that there's something a little different about me.

The traits are there. I'm not neurotypical by any stretch. Whether or not I'd qualify for an official diagnosis is another matter, though...

This is me. No one would believe I have AS, though I actually score highly on all of the online tests. I haven't been diagnosed. I'd like to be, but it's not an option right now.

All of my friends know I have strange eating and sleeping habits, OCD traits and a weird way of conversing. I don't feel comfortable saying I have AS (though I believe I have a mild version of it). I sometimes say "I am somewhat OCD and autistic." Most people brush me off and don't wanna listen.