Parental denial and insensitivity.

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Well I've been having trouble with my parents. With the accidental help of a doctor I was for other reasons, I managed to convince my parents I have what they think is "very mild Aspergers", something I now regret. I never used that phrase myself, and in reality its likely to be significantly more severe than they think. It took me several months to convince them of this, despite the fact that I've exhibited obvious signs for years, and it's been pointed out by a number of therapists.

Whenever I don't understand something that is said, my mother will just say 'oh, its just an aspergers thing' and won't explain anything to me or accept the fact that I simply don't understand her after she's said that. Of course I'm aware that the reason I don't understand is because of my autism, but it doesn't help me in the slightest. Apart from these brief moments of minor clarity, she remains in complete denial, as does my father, and simply think I'm lying or trying to cause trouble. Typical examples of situations will be with sensory overload, unfortunate situations involving faceblindness, and the fact that I DON'T NEED TO TALK OR SOCIALISE. I am repeatedly told that everyone needs to socialise, and when I say I don't want to, they think I'm depressed. l also think they're getting concerned at my lack of interest in women (I'm asexual).

They also show complete insensitivity regarding physical contact with me. They know I don't want to be kissed or hugged, and they completely ignore my wishes. They also keep wanting me to talk to them, for no obvious reasons, and keep coming into my room without permission. I also seem to be required to love them, which I don't.

I now wish I'd never attempted to tell them, because though they would have remained in denial and remained insensitive to my needs, they wouldn't pass everything off as aspergers every so often. I don't know what to do, as this situation, along with a couple other more personal matters make life here pretty much unbearable, and yet its my only option. I'm old enough to leave home, but I'm still in education, and leaving home would mean terminating that, as well as probably ending up on the streets. There doesn't seem to be any particular way to resolve my problems with them, but if anyone were able to suggest anything, I'd be happy to read. If anyone has actually read this, then I'm grateful as well.

Same boat.

My mother went from telling me to "stop trying to be different - you only want to be an Aspie because you want to be different" (or some variation of that for the majority of my high school life). The wake up call for her was when I had a seizure - twice - in public. That pretty much destroyed our relationship. Then began a frantic search for "the cure." But she was still in denial of it (the lowest stage of acceptance is characterized by: believing that there is a quick solution the "fix" the child, criticizing and anger, outright denying there is a problem or blaming it on something else). When the mountain of nutritional supplements did not work, and my "personality did not get more cheerful," she began blaming it on other things and saying I did not have these problems before high school/computer, I was not "touched" enough as a child (whatever that means) etc. Even demonic influence has been mentioned, and I have gone through spiritual stuff just short of an exorcism. Since none of that worked (I was "not smiling"), "obviously I am still faking it" and so cues in more bashing of my personality, that I am a workaholic, etc. (my favorite line from the start of this year: people like you are the reason why relationships fail and society is going downhill). I cannot look to the rest of my family for support as they start ranting about how much my mother loves me, I do not appreciate anything she does, etc. etc.

Ditto with being aromantic-asexual. I have made it very clear that I am one to my family, so I can get extremely snappy if someone does the whole "Do you like them *wink wink*" kind of question. There are guys in this world who do not get married, people! Hugs have resulted in full grown tackling/wrestling before I escape and lock myself in the bathroom to keep them from coming after me. Thankfully though my college is on the other side of the country (but I am going home for 2 weeks tomorrow despite all my attempts to avoid it).

The best way to cope perhaps is the classic (though mature) "defense mechanism" of Humor. In other words - actually be cheerful, playful, etc. Make people laugh. If they are happy - they are definitely not going to be in the mood to put you down. Find what they like and talk about it. Avoid bringing up tension subjects. Yes it is massively mentally straining, and you have to struggle to learn all you can, but it helps.

Yes I can Understand I had I similar issue with my parents. they never mentioned any details about my "issues to me" until I was of age and my doctors had to talk to me. They still didn't explain what my issues to me or even allow that I had Imput that the Doc's may want. but while its the same but different, the best thing I could suggest is catch them off guard . Break their mental preconceptions, like their saying you don't like hugs and kisses start doing it right there in front of them. you need to start filing your way out of the prison they seem to have made for you. the best way is to break their Asperger rules. get them to see it not as a disability but as an ability

I know just about all of those feelings. Obviously, I'm even farther away from leaving home, as I'm 14 and would be doomed from the start. But I already don't like it here. I'm extremely hesitant to tell my dad that I think I have it. I'm sure he'd just say that I didn't know what I was talking about, maybe even as far as saying that Asperger's doesn't exist. That would cause a major argument with me...

My mom has been supportive about it, and she suspects that she has it too. Now, I always look forward to being at her house, because I'm not forced to socialize or be doing something active every waking minute.

You see, my dad, even if he supported my Asperger's, would probably still make me socialize with everyone possible.

I was doing my summer reading because I had to, to catch up. I was alone in my room and I simultaneously had Facebook open. He comes in and points at the screen saying, "Why don't you invite one of the peopel you're chatting with over? Maybe chat in real life?" He also told me to broaden my boundaries past the walls of my room. All the while, I'm trying to focus on my assignment... That guy is not going to understand Asperger's.

My mom at least understands why I'm alone so much and why I don't need to leave that familiar environment. Wow... Your post invoked a little rant about my parents. o.o

@alecazam3567 uh, that sounds like it sucks for you. It sounds like your dad suffers from the same problem mine does. They project their own experiences and opinions about socialisation onto us. I believe most people find socialisation interesting and refreshing, whereas I find it irrelevant, boring and tiring.

@SlyFox How do I break Asperger rules? I mean, I don't think I'd be able to hug anyone... Also, they started saying that they wouldn't let me go to university cause they didn't think I was mature enough... of course I'm mature enough. I've proven many times that I can look after myself, and that I'm generally happier, and more capable of dealing with people when they aren't there. Of course, they can't stop me going to university, but I don't like the idea of having to pay for it myself .

@'you only want to be an Aspie because you want to be different' I wonder if she knew that its actually difficult to be an aspie. Do NTs ever behave as if they listen to people? The 'do you like them' thing happens to me all the time, dispite the fact that they have been told I'm asexual as many times as they ask me if I like someone.

I've tried talking about things that interest them. But the problem is, they all seem to have a broad but incredibly shallow range of interests which become completely exhausted within seconds. I've asked every question I can think of, and the only thing its gotten me is boredom.

I don't think that parents really have a very good understanding of what ASD is like, even if they read a list of traits and have a child on the spectrum. If the parent has AS they may even be less capable of accepting that their child has something . It can be very frustrating.

As it stands with me, my mother still doesn't understand what it actually means for me, and I am trying to work on a way to explain it better to her but I have not felt comfortable enough to try it out yet. She still expects me to be able to do "anything" in regards to career or job, even after a decade of essentially miserable work situations in wrong environmets (for me). She doesn't understand why I qualify for services through Vocational Rehabilitation etc. She may never totally come around to understand, which is why it is important to have other avenues of support and validation, such a friends or a therapist etc. They can be supportive and cheer you on for the things that your family takes for granted that you "ought to just be able to do".

YES. Yes yes yes.
I was misdiagnosed with so many things that didn't make sense, but Aspergers made so much sense. It made my childhood quirks suddenly explainable. It is very important for me to be able to classify things, and having an accurate diagnosis was something I very much wanted. My parents, especially my dad, kept saying I was just trying to be different or to be weird so I could not deal with people (they blamed my severe OCD on watching Monk).

I used to love my parents. I used to not mind all these things they did to me and forgive them.

I've found this. My brother has AS and I have some form of Autism. (not Aspergers)

Mum doesn't understand. She keeps telling it's not that bad and that my brother is much worse than I am; as I go out. I go out for one reason - my special interests. if I wasn't interested in films and running, I wouldn't be going out. It's ok for him to be sat on his arse and claim benefits; but it's not ok for me.

I have additional disabilities he doesn't have. She once replied with "Your sight isn't that bad. It's not as if you have to wear thick lenses". Um, I'm banned from driving due to my sight.

print some stuff off the internet for them to read, here's one: http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthin ... rgers.aspx

If you can find how AS translates into adult behaviours even better. Also print some stuff about parental denial about it so that they can recognise those symptoms in themselves.

Good luck.

I feel the exact same way. I want to be diagnosed so I can explain all my awkward behavior in a few words, but also to classify myself. My mom told me I shouldn't label myself, but I feel like I should. When I told one of my friends (who was unfamiliar with autism) that I actually wanted to have Asperger's, she told me that I shouldn't want to have it. But why not? I wouldn't be the same without this difference.