Are we worse than we think?

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Hello everyone!

I just wondered whether we fully grasp how affected we are by our autism. Sometimes I think I manage really well and convincingly pretend to be normal. Then I hear what others think of my behaviour and I realize that they were never fooled. Also when I talk to friends and they point out how much of nonverbal conversation I missed although I thought I understood everything.

It makes me think that we might be worse at social interaction as we realize. Maybe it is just an illusion that we can "fake it". Maybe we only convince ourselves.

Any thoughts?

little black sheep

If it's only an illusion that we can fake it, why do it at all?

I would agree with you, I've often felt I'm "doing well" and "fitting in" in a social environment, only to discover sometime later that people actually think I'm weird.. or an idiot. Which generally isn't a problem because the feeling is usually mutual.

I think we can fake it to a certain extent......just not enough to look completely normal.............so you get some non-verbal cues but you're missing others. This is the case for me........and some days I do better than others.

I've had friends in the past who when I first told them my diagnoses ( I have a learning disability too) they said "oh , no there's nothing wrong with you" or "western society labels ppl too much" etc. and then later on (in the course of being friends with these people- and it happened with a few people to me) I would make a weird facial expression or look at one person and talk to another or get overwhelmed in a crowded place or something and the person would say something like "you know, maybe you really are autistic".Someone once used those exact words! Anyway I guess I gave a superficial impression of being normal (first encounter) but then once I got to know the people they realized how unusual I was.

Yeah... it's like that for me. The feeling is mutual, but it still annoys me that things have to be so complicated. It is impossible to understand what makes them think we are weired, even if we smile and look into their faces and talk about the weather or such nonsense.

Someone else with Aspergers seemed to be able to very easily tell I had it. Which kinda upset me. Though it makes me feel better that he has it too, it would be worse if an NT told me I was 'off'.

My HR manager told me that she couldn't tell I was autistic; I brought it up when she talked about an autistic girl who she knew had just graduated high school. So I don't know at all.

Little black sheep, I adore your avitar, shadow and all.

I wouldn't call it worse, but it is perceptible, especially for folks who are close to someone with aspergers.

I work in a place with 150 co-workers. I suspect @ 9 of them are on the spectrum. That's 6%, which I know is way higher than is currently believed to be the statistical occurrence. But I believe that HFA is way under-diagnosed in the adult population.

The aspie traits pertaining to; theory of mind, reading non-verbal communication, talking in group settings, speech inflection, ability to function under stress and toe walking are perceptible. When I get to know an individual and he or she has more than a couple strong aspie traits, I just assume aspergers.

My "aspie" co-workers are absolutely typical in this respect; they do their jobs well and are mostly pleasant to work with. A couple of them are a bit unpleasant, they can seem rude. And that's typical of the overall composition of my workplace. Most folks are pleasant and likable and a few are annoying or harsh.

I have only spoken to one of my co-workers about aspergers and he is undiagnosed. He isn't particularly well versed on what aspergers is, but said his sister has suggested she thinks he may have it. I suspect that few if any of my co-workers is diagnosed. Nor am I diagnosing them. I simply notice it and have a name for it; aspergers. No big deal.

P.S. If all of the 9 "aspie" workers were to leave our workplace and be replaced, I don't think our business would run quite as well as it does now. Each of the 9 are reliably good at their jobs and all but 2 are fun to work with.

Long before I was even really aware of AS I used to think I was coping fairly well in the world... even then though I was fooling myself if I look back on it with retrospect. People (not everyone but most) have always treated me differently to other people and quite commonly, for example, people are suprised that I am fairly intelligent - I seem to give the impression of being dim to people sometimes. I think I'm actually getting worse as I get older in the sense that I'm coping with things less well. Tbh atm I don't think I have any illusions that I am "normal" and able to cope in the normal world. I can barely even look after myself right now so I wouldn't be fooling anyone.

I'll have one person say I should 'just be myself' and in the next breath that same person calls me 'crazy lady'.

WTF? I never know.

You can make up or spontaneous social cues with brains and practice, but it takes a lot of brains and it is exhausting.

Why would it bother that somebody noticed that you have Aspergers' if you actually have it?



That's the problem. It's so exhausting. Is it worth it? Not for me! I can barely even do it!

I've always been "different" or "off" so I'm used to standing out a bit. The idea of faking it socially or trying to fit in is still a very foreign concept to me though. I bristle at the idea of conformity, even though there are times and places where everyone has to to some degree.

I don't know if we are worse than we think, but we sure are better than people think

we certainly can be much worse than we initially notice, that said one can always adjust what one thinks.

then again i would say most people are inherently biased towards themselves, that means that most people are worse than they think at most things, oddly enough sociializaiton seems to be one of the few exceptions to that trend amongst NT's with many saying that they suck at being social, well wait till you see someone that truly has no clue.