Dealing with conservative types

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A tricky one for people with AS - not really people worth arguing with IMO. But dealing with people who have that "conservative" mentality, you know the one, they stake the claim that everyone makes their own destiny and brings everything upon themselves (and btw, they also tend to believe Asperger's is just an excuse no surprises there.) Note that I don't so much mean conservative socio-religious types, but those who have an exaggerated view of personal responsibility.

An example is my step-brother, who is a real a****ole. He has claimed on a few occasions "did you know that 99% of what happens to you is brought on by yourself??" I guess it never occurred to him that people are in the wrong place at the wrong time, or subject to harassment or bullying, or got bad luck that had nothing to do with their personal actions and more to do with other peoples negligence or intentional infliction of suffering. I asked him that if this is the case, why are there all these laws to protect the majority of people from harm or loss, like discrimination or defamation laws for example. His response was that, well, that's because that person stood out from the crowd.

So I challenged him further and asked him "what if someone gets killed by a drunk driver running a red light??! are you telling me that person 'brought it upon themselves'?" His answer was: "Well, in effect it was, because he could have been more alert and realized that the drunk driver wasn't intending to slow down for the light." So I gave up after that, what's the point. I mean, I could have asked him (hypothetically, because this dialogue was years ago) what about those victims of the two massacres in the Denver, Colorado area - did they bring it upon themselves???! !

Thing is, my stepbrother's not a psychopath (he does have some self doubt and selective empathy! and is not a compulsive liar) but tends to be quite arrogant. All the same, there are times I've secretly wished that some unfortunate event would befall him, short of a total loss, so I could gloat to him that he brought it upon himself and gauge his reaction. Maybe that sounds callous. But sometimes that's what it takes to change a warped attitude like his.

I am a conservative and would appreciate not being stereotyped like that. I do believe that the individual is responsible for their own life, but I also recognize the issues some people have due to a variety of problems. My lack of social acceptance has made me a fairly open minded person when it comes to accepting others as they come. I may tell them I think they are wrong, but I also think people have a right to disagree and can do so with me without me hating them or shunning them.

I think that the belief that 99% of one's problems are brought upon one's self is an inaccurate representation of conservatism.

Well your step brother is only half right. life is mostly under your control, but also under control by the interactions with people around you. So you have more power than you think, but people (Like a drunk driver on a red light) usually skew the equation because of our own free will. (Which is still a good thing, because we wouldn't progress if we never made mistakes.)

But yeah, conservatism isn't about everything being under your control, it's about most things being under your control.

Everyone's destiny is dependent upon opportunity. However, to meet that opportunity, a person must be willing to take it, able to take it, and have the wisdom to recognize the opportunity.

Ability - Are you physically and mentally fit? Do you have that official document that says you know what you are doing? Do you have sufficient social aptitude to interact with employers, coworkers, and customers?

Wisdom - Can you tell an opportunity from a scam? Can you tell a real job from a joke? Can you tell appreciation from exploitation?

Willingness - Do you want to do the job? Are you willing to start at the bottom and "pay your dues"? Would you be willing to put on a happy face and act like you're having a good time no matter how awful you feel or how badly they treat you?

If you answer "No" to any of these questions, don't just sit there and complain about how those mean, stupid poopy-heads won't bend over backwards to accommodate you. Instead, focus on enough self-development to turn your negativity into something positive.

Given the ability, the wisdom, and the willingness, most people can create their own destiny and brings good things to themselves. The rest are essentially on their own or dependent upon the charity of others.

That's just how it is.

lefties and righties each have mutually irreconcilable philosophies- "east is east, west is west, and never the twain shall meet."

it is best to avoid those on the opposite side, one might as well [try to] mix oil and water together. each side wants to force a square peg into a round hole.

While in the minds of many "conservative" might indeed conjure up images of unempathtic individuals who have a difficult time accepting the differences of others, I believe you are actually looking for a different term to describe your brother, of which I will decline to state.

When dealing with those such as your brother, it's important that one maintain personal boundaries of logical reasoning. This is simply the ability to determine and acknowledge that the other person is no longer waging a logical, nor reasonable argument. It's important to understand that people who go beyond the boundaries logical reasoning often resort to logical fallacies, straw hat arguments, and the likes, to argue their point. Because of this, the validity of their argument is no longer based on truth, but semantics, and the willingness of the other individual to concede to those semantics.

To be rather blunt, you must deal with these individuals as if you are dealing with an idiot who could never possibly understand what you are attempting to convey to them. Either simply refuse to engage with them, either by literally refusing or simply "agreeing" to what they are saying, or state your point, call the other person on the fact that their argument is neither logical or reasonable, refuse to elaborate (as they will trap you in the semantics) and invoke the powers of stubbornness.

Conservatism is just a part of the big, everexpanding, complex social bubble that affects everyone. You can't avoid it, so you have to get used to it and do what you can. If you are right, you can relax with the thought of your life being better than the lives of them. Cause that is actually how it works.

In my experience, Conservatives simply don't believe in psychiatry. My father is a BIG ditto head and has Rush, Hannity on almost 24/7. I remember an Aspie calling into Rush Limbaugh's show. The kid was a big fan and had "Aspie" pride, but Rush didn't believe in the existence of Aspergers. He thought it was just oddness or shyness and it was a bull**** diagnosis, and told the kid so, to Rush's credit politely, but it was still in ignorance.

I believe that a great majority of what happens to you, is related to how you go about life. It's not always direct, though. Too hard to explain, but it's what I believe, and I think it makes for a much happier life if, when a bad thing happens to me, I can ask myself "how did I get in a spot where this happened?", and I can see that there were other choices I could have made. Not necessarily choices that would have made everything all nice and perfect, but choices that would have led me to a different situation. I think this is very important, because if we don't think this way, we will almost ALWAYS repeat situations and get even more frustrated.

My theory in this, is not only about bad things happening, but good things too. I am also a very strong believer in "we become who we associate with". If you hang around with successful, well-disciplined people, you probably will go that way too. If you hang out with lazy people who are angry and feel they're owed something, you will start thinking that way too.

I'm a conservative Republican in ethics and finances, gun rights, and taking responsibility for one's own actions, but probably would be considered liberal on human issues such as civil rights.

As far as "dealing with" conservatives, just offer facts and logic, and speak with responsibility. I won't listen when someone whines to me that his/her medical insurance won't pay for something, or that the city didn't come clean up a mess in the street. But I will listen when someone says they're upset with themselves for buying a new car when they knew they might need to pay cash some day for a medical need, or not figuring out how to budget time to go clean up a mess in the street in front of their house. That sounds constructive to me as a conservative, and it makes me want to help. I don't want to help anyone to blame others for their problems. Why? Because it isn't going to help anyone to fix anything, and it's wasting emotional energy for all of us.

Charles