Do I have Aspergers, or am I an NT with bad social skills?

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Ever since my late teens, I've wondered if I really have aspergers or not. My mother, who is a teacher and does have a background in autism, including having an autistic son (my brother, who is high functioning, with an IQ of about 88), has always thought i've had autistic tendencies. The thing is though, i've never been diagnosed, and i've been through counseling related to being bullied, as well as the death of my dad at 15 and all they found was that I was depressed. Anyway, wouldn't a test like the MMPI find out if I had autism or aspergers?

Anyway, here are some of the traits I have that make me think I have it

1. I make lists of sports scores. I've loved sports since I was young, and ever since I was about 10 or 11 I keep stats of things, like what records college fb teams have and what bowl games they will go to. This also includes population statistics of cities (i've made lists of what the largest cities in America were in 1960). I've heard this is a very aspergers like trait

2. I don't have many friends. While it isn't difficult for me to talk to most people or make friends, i don't have many close friends. Part of it though is that I want to be liked by a lot of people, and don't form close friendships with a lot of people, but I do have close friendships

3. I like to watch documentaries, and don't read much fiction (in fact I don't really read much anymore other than the newspaper or magazines). I love regular movies as well, but I like watching documentaries on netflix about a number of subjects. Granted there are quite a few I find boring, but I love ones about history and traveling. However I do like normal shows like breaking bad, man vs. wild, How I met your mother etc

4. I don't have a lot of hobbies. I wonder if this is because I have some sort of obsession with sports stats or population stats (though these don't feel like obsessions, its not like I talk about these all the time or anything like that).

5. I have a hard time finishing what I started. Not so much with things like homework (I love writing reasearch papers and I get my homework done very easily and was an A student in college, while in high school I didn't perform very well.

6. I have some emotional problems. I cry a lot. I feel like I get hurt a lot and am too sensitive. Especially when criticized

7. A few people say I lack empathy. I feel i'm very empathetic, but just don't show it as much

8. My mom says i'm self centered.

9. I've never had a girlfriend or relationship. I'm 23 and i've had a few dates (from online sites), but i've never had a relationship. Girls often say i'm nice and polite, but just am not "boyfriend material". Also, I have trouble approaching girls in person. Granted this is because I feel i'm ugly and overweight, as well as boring and weird and a whole lot of other issues.

10. I don't eat vegetables. I know people with Autism and Aspergers have things that they don't like to touch or feel, and I don't eat some veggies including corn, carrots, eggplant, artichokes, and only eat tomatoes or yams when prepared in certain ways but other than that I like them okay, but it took me a long time to introduce them into foods

11. I'm fidgity. I move my hands around a lot. I don't stim or rock my body, and never have but I wonder if this is a sign

12. I get angry easily, but more because I live with my brother who is on the spectrum and annoys me.

13. Sometimes I have bad social skills. For example, in the movie I went to today, I was eating Ice, and was sitting next to another person and didn't think about the sound it made until it was too late and then I stopped. I didn't even notice if he was annoyed at me, though I did think about it and stopped. There are other things I forget too, like touching my face that I think make me look weird


14. My mom says us kids never "reached out" and always kept to ourselves. She always worried about us and whether something was wrong with us. She says we just seemed to be in our own world in some ways. However my dad seemed to think we were fine and I think from what it sounds like he thought my mom worried too much

15. I sometimes seem to stiff and formal. For example when I talk to someone on the phone (more so than in person) I say "Mr So and So or Mrs. X too much" rather than using their names or just ending a sentence normally.

16. I was picked on in school, mostly because I was easily annoyed and angered. Also I had weird mannerisms (I said "well" too much) and got made fun of for being gay for some reason. What made it worse was that I threatened the person who did it. What normal person does this

17. I find social situations, especially ones where I am alone, tough. If i'm with friends i'm better, but by myself I feel like people are judging me or think i'm some creep with no friends


18. I'm fairly negative in my personal life, especially regarding myself. I'm also really anxious as you can tell. I have some shyness, but its more when I approach people and try to make new friends. Even this isn't too hard, but it is a challenge. In spite of this though i find it easy to make small talk with people, which isn't hard, though I do worry people will think i'm weird if I just start randomly talking to them.


Anyway, there are some things that make me doubt whether I have autism or aspergers.

1. In spite of my shyness, I like talking with people, and am a good conversationalist. I do have trouble talking on the phone, but for the most part I know when to stop talking and know when people are getting bored of me. In fact I worry about whether I'm wierd or boring when I talk to people

2. I don't have obsessive topics I always talk about. I'm pretty varied and intelligent. I have a mind for trivia, but I can have normal conversations with people and try my best to be polite, though as i've mentioned I feel really self conscious about it and worry that I offend people.

3. I often feel lonely and like to be near people, even though i've learned to be okay with being alone for the most part and deal with being alone very well, unlike my autistic brother who's wrapped up in his obsessions (star wars, star trek, and the civil war are his big obsessions)

4. I try to care for people. While I may not be the most empathetic, i do have a heavy heart and want to help people. Thats why I studied to be a teacher, and thats why i've done things like service trips and volunteer at my church or my school and get involved with different organizations

5. I'm fairly spontaneous and get bored of doing the same thing everyday. I don't really have rituals like a lot of people on the spectrum and am fairly flexible when it comes to my days. In fact sometimes I'm worried i'm not rigid enough in some things.

6. I try to make eye contact. I've always worried i'm not good at eye contact, but I think a lot of it is me being self conscious, especially since my mom bugs me about a lot of these things

7. I grew up isolated on a farm. This is why I wonder if I just have poor social skills. While my parents took me and my siblings out on errands and to other places, I sometimes wonder if growing up away from other kids besides my sister and my autistic brother made us more isolated and a bit different. It also didn't help that my parents were kind of new to the area and didn't know other families so we didn't have playdates with other kids

8. I have a nitpicky mom. I'm not blaming her for my problems, I love her to death, but she overanalyzes things. She's always though i have autistic tendencies. She always nitpicked me about certain things and no doubt it was justified, but she always over analyzed and worried about things. She even would tell me how she thought one of my friends was "probably on the spectrum" and says "everybody has a little autism in them" This annoys me because I think she see's certain traits and thinks "aspergers" not that this is a bad thing. She thinks autism is not bad, just different, but I think she tries to over analyze and over justify it for some reason.

9. I like to do some things that make me stand out. I always participated in and got starring roles in school plays and musicals and loved it. While I wasn't the best at acting by any means, I did have fun and enjoyed it and wasn't nervous about performing. In fact I still do things like speak in front of people at church or for clubs and groups

10. I can think outside of the box and am usually good on my feet when the situation calls for it and can be fairly spontaneous sometimes, especially when teaching.

Anyway, thanks for reading this. I know this is long, but its always worried me. I feel like some things I've struggled with are part of aspergers, but i'm just not sure. Sometimes I wonder though if i'm just jealous of my autistic brother who is on disability and gets a lot of help, while i don't.I also feel like Aspergers would be an easy way to explain why i've had some of these struggles (I know this is probably wrong, but I still have these feelings, and i haven't told anyone about these feelings because I know they are wrong) Anyway please help. Am I on the spectrum or just an NT with issues

I don't know if you would qualify for a diagnosis of aspergers or not, but "autistic tendancies" aren't far off. Like you said you have some asperger's-like qualities, but perhaps not enough to be considered on the spectrum (though to be sure, you need a professional diagnosis). Lots of first-degree relatives of autistic people are BAP which stands for "broader autism phenotype". This means that, even though you are not on the spectrum, because autism is genetic, you've managed to inherit some autistic qualities along with NT qualities. It is quite possible that this is you. If you are being affected in your daily life (your functioning), then you might want to get assessed just in case. If your symptoms are not really affecting your daily life, you cannot receive a diagnosis.