Asperger's and Honesty?

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I made this post to another forum board to get peoples opinions regarding what had happened.

I am posting this here not hear!

Bloomin vodka lol.

Everybody's different.

One thing I think does happen with us a lot is that we often say things that aren't true, that we believe.

I'm convinced we lie to ourselves probably better than we lie to others. That can cause the same problems.

From my experience, aspies are not as honest as the books make them out to be and they are capable as being as bad as NTs with their lies. Not follow through what they say, not tell you when you are bothering them so they just block you and ignore you without really telling you the problem, and they also make excuses to be polite and not really tell you the truth if you ask them what the problem is or if you did anything wrong. Some of them even make stuff up and deny they ever did something wrong.

Sure there are aspies who are very honest like in the books claim them to be but then there are aspies who are not as honest so they do what NTs do.

Is there any chance this guy might be "book smart" about his lies - using techniques he read in a book or even observed NT's using? Asperger's does make it difficult to sort out the good examples from the bad... I've copied bad behavior in the past...

I don't know what he is doing but I do know he kept her on his friends list and not me and that stings. My attraction to him is fading after that anyway but for now it still hurts.

yeah, i would say people with asperger's are more honest overall. sometimes painfully honest or honest to a fault. but that probably doesn't change the fact that guys will be deceptive when it comes to girls and when they are trying to get what they want from us. i'm sorry to hear about what happened. i'm sorry you had to experience it, and also that aspie guys can be like that. as women, it truly seems, we always have to keep our guard up until we really and truly know someone. disheartening but apparently true. : /

Honesty varies from person to person. This is just as true for autistic people as it is for everyone else. The thing to remember is that lying and manipulation is a social skill that is just as, or even more "learnable" than other social skills.

Yes, he's a liar and a cheater. Nobody would block somebody from Facebook unless they were playing stupid human games. He probably has herpes anyway. You can do better.

I think I should give up on relationships and maybe just live a quiet life with my hobbies. Actually I have pretty much become a hermit over the years due to poor treatment from society in general and the system itself.

People accusing me of intentions and thoughts and feelings I don't have (which is why I wanted to give the dude I posted about here the benefit of the doubt) because they attach a different meaning to things than I do (ie they see failure as a negative thing to be ashamed of, i see it as one possible outcome to a particular set of events and do not fear it. When failure does occur I do find myself curious as to why things failed and whether or not they can be corrected or another attempt can be made though, however, I do not beat myself up or hate myself for failing in the first place even if for a moment I may experience brief disappointment before my curiosity sets in).

So, for example, if I were going to take a driving test and I said "I may fail" I am immediately seen as being negative to most people when I was merely mentioning a very real possibility. I could fail but I am not afraid of this and this is ok! No need to panic or be filled with fear, I can always take another test again later after having more practice if I do fail.

People seem to enjoy lying and playing games with each other. Yes there are instances where I feel lying is acceptable (ie Lets say a friend is being abused by her husband and she is hiding out at your place. If her husband turns up it is acceptable to say she is not there in order to protect her, although in practice, under such circumstances, it is better not to interact with the husband at all and it would be advisable to call the police instead). Most of the time, however, I am not interested in silly game playing (it takes particular circumstances to induce that kind of behaviour in me and it usually includes either some kind of distress/hurt or self protection device).

Life is so much easier if you can be straight up with people (in a manner that takes into consideration other peoples feelings so I like tactful honesty, but I still like to keep it honest all the same). I do not like misleading people if I can avoid it as I am very uncomfortable doing so. It has on occasion happened by mistake (whereby something I have said or done has been misunderstood or communicated incorrectly) but this cannot be helped sometimes.

I have also found drinking does not help as I can, at such times, agree to things I would not agree to when sober and then, upon sobering up, find I have changed my mind...this can appear to make me look as though I have deliberately mislead someone when in reality I was pissed and had no idea what I was going on about at the time.

People seem to like to knock each other around and I abhor violence. There is no need to be physically violent most of the time as many things can be resolved via discussion if all parties are willing to listen and are in accord with each other. Violence should be used as a means of self defense or protection only.

I am tired of trying to fit into some socially defined box in order to be seen as an interesting/desirable/acceptable person to know. I prefer to march to the beat of my own drum instead.

I am tired of game playing, social codes that I am just supposed to guess or that I apparently need to be psychic to understand, not being able to rely on people or their word because they cannot be honest with me, being afraid to check with people how things stand because I'm seen as being insecure as a result (when in reality I am having trouble reading parts of the situation and am merely trying to clarify), being manipulate by people, being bullied by people, being ridiculed by people...and so on....

At least my OU studies (I am most fascinated by fossils, evolution and prehistoric life forms...particularly marine) and Cross stitching/art work (my two main interests right now) don't make me feel bad...they actually make me smile and I can become most excited by them!

Unfortunately most do not understand my passion or my excitement and I am accused instead of being obsessed with them.

It seems that no matter what I do I am damned if I do and damned if I don't...so maybe I should enjoy my damnation in solitude?

PN there may be typos and grammatical errors due a slight problem with a hangover this morning.

The question is did he know what he was doing or has his Aspergers made it difficult for him to read things.

Either way my interactions with him are over as I won't tolerate having my feeling cast aside like that whilst he and his online 'friend' attack me.

This is the reply I got from the female in question after I asked her politely to please clarify her relationship with the man in question:

"Ok I think you've had your say and quite frankly I do believe more than you. With that said I will be reporting and blocking you. I DO NOT need your neurotic,dramatic BS. Go get some help and take some meds while you're at it."

That is a very rude reply and I received no direct answer to the question I actually asked her.

I wouldn't mind but days before, the male in question, had been emailing my male friends on facebook (unsolicited emails) and then had taken me off facebook after having a go at me on skype because he was convinced I was dating them because they liked something on my profile.

Gee at least I asked first to try and ascertain what was going on exactly and this is what I get.

And yes angry words were exchanged as a result as quite frankly the whole event upset me and I don't deal well with emotional upsets especially when people ignore my feelings and attack me whilst I am already feeling very hurt and upset.

Their response seemed so cold....

That is they type of woman he prefers? Unnecessarily rude and deliberately offensive with no provocation.

It is one thing to respond angrily when provoked but really. There was no need for a reply like the one she sent. A simple clarification of her relationship with said person would have sufficed.

This is why I then get upset as people will not discuss things reasonably with me, they attack me and I don't deal with that well at all.

He started the assault by emailing my male friend and attacking me on skype because my male friend liked something on my profile. In his case there were no love hearts though...just a basic facebook like. My friend showed me the email the guy above sent and called me about it. So I am supposed to put up with being treated badly and attacked but when I respond by getting upset I am neurotic?

What the hell.

You're experiencing typical slut interactions. You've met a man-whore and a female slut. They live in a culture that reinforces selfish, greedy people-using. Their music praises it, their words and gestures confirm it, and their actions perpetuate it. I had to go shopping at a church to meet my wife. I didn't know we were aspies, I just knew she was like me. No games, just the truth. Don't bother looking for a mate in the general public. They're mostly disease-ridden sex-machines who will lie, back-stab and flatter to get what they want with no empathy at all.

Sorry, I forgot to mention! These jerks LOVE to play these games. They want to see you frustrated and upset and confused because it makes them feel powerful. They don't want to be happy, they don't want the truth and they DEFINITELY don't want you to figure out what they really want. It's all lies, smoke and mirrors. Avoid these people. They are caustic.

Wow! ^^

I would add: Get off Facebook, or at least tighten up your account and privacy settings so only those you have healthy trust in can talk with or even find you.

Facebook is a misnomer. It ought to be called FAKEbook!

Ok seems as though there was a miscommunication between me and the person involved.

I am quite fond of this individual and sometimes I don't read things very well, especially online.

I am hoping to communicate with this person and perhaps resolve the issue.

Story of our lives?