terrible "accident"

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New Year's Eve started nice. I celebrated together with a friend, he had complex personality disorder (mainly paranoid) and depressions. I knew him since nearly 3 years and never had problems like this before with him, but this evening everything was different:

He had a whole bunch of problems at the moment, lost his job and so on. But then in the evening of January 1st I was overloaded and tired. I toled him, that we had a nice time together over New Year's Eve, but that I wanted to be alone for the rest of the evening. Suddenly he freaked out, started crying and toled me if even his friends are leaving him, his life is over. I didn't understand the situation fully. He told me then, he would just leave, if I would call an ambulance.

I called in the psychiatry, it was around midnight from the first of second January. They toled me on the phone they couldn't do anything, because he wouldn't do anything suicidal and wouldn't harm me. But the situation got more and more stranger. He was walking after me and he was behaving strange. I called the police for help, assuming they would bring him in a hospital. I toled them, that I don't know if he is suicidal or not, but that he is behaving strange, I also toled them his diagnosis and that he has problems at the moment. But the police just toled him to leave. As soon as the police left he kicking against my door and I was afraid and called the police again. They came and just toled him to stop and left again. He drove home, but never arrived.

On the next day I worrid about him, because I noticed that he forgot his medication and he didn't even picked them up or called because of them. I called the psychiatry again to tell them that my "friend" would have done this and something is wrong. But they didn't take me serious.

On the next day the police called me and toled me that he dyed in the night he drove away from me. They still don't know if it was a car accident or suicide.

Now the police is investigating if they behaved correct this evening. I'm a witness in this case.

Did my friend died because of my communication problems and because of my autism?

You can not blame your self for the actions of others

I'm so sorry for the horrible thing that happened. Whether it was an accident or suicide, you must be devastated. My heart goes out to you and to him as well.

I know you feel that you could have...., but you can't blame your autism/communication problem for that. You didn't know what was going to happen.

Dear Raziel; no it was not communication problems on your part. You did the right thing. You called for help and kept trying and the police did respond. They were with your friend twice that night. Any misjudgement was on their part. That is made especially obvious if the incident is being investigated internally by the police department.

The emergency calls you made are recorded and the investigators will listen to those closely. They may want to speak to you but you will not need to remember exactly what you said in the calls; they already have that.

I'm sorry about your friend and how traumatizing this must be for you. You did what you could and it was the right action.

Please, don't blame yourself.

It was not your fault, he misunderstood the sentence, he forgot his medications, it was clearly a bunch of unfortunate events that lead to this. If it was suicide, don't blame yourself, I agree with MountainLaurel.

I'm so sorry that this has happened, and I agree with the others that it wasn't your fault and you shouldn't blame yourself. You did everything you could to help your friend.

Mountain Laurel says it all better than I can.

Dear, Raziel:

I am so sorry to read of this tragedy. I echo the others in saying, very clearly: it is not your fault.

In fact, you did more to help than a lot of people would have done.

Your steps were all reasonable - there is nothing in this that is your fault - period.

Sweet Pea hugs

It's not your fault.

Raziel,

You cannot assess that you had responsibility in this. As Im sure many others will state, or have already stated, problems such as this one have deeper, much deeper roots than what kind of affect you had on the person in a situational setting.

Please do not take this as your fault, it is clearly not.

Raziel, it sounds like you did what you could. It sounds like the situation was not taken as seriously by the authorities as it should have been. From your description it sounds like he should have been held for a few days after your first call.

There's a problem too in that some personality disorders are linked with high suicide rates (such as borderline) but many professionals assume that threats of suicide are nothing more than emotional manipulation and do not take them seriously.

Reading this has made me panicky.

It isn't your fault though. I had a similar issue, where a friend committed suicide, actually a police officer that gave me support in college and that I was close to. It makes me feel guilty of not knowing what to do too.

Nothing to do with who or what you are.
Your mistake is that you called the police.

NEVER EVER CALL THE POLICE.

They f**k things up. That is what they do. And they could have made things a lot worse. They could have arrested both you and your friend... Why? For the lulz. Because they're dickheads like that.
Still... your friend is dead. Nothing to be done about it now. We all end up that way eventually anyway, and now your friend doesn't have any problems any more (and you don't have to put up with their problems either).

Incidentally, are you also dyslexic? You're making some very weird spelling errors.

You shouldn't blame yourself - there is nothing you could have done. The accident could have been just that - an accident. They happen all the time, even to very good drivers.

I agree with Magnanimous - calling the police was a very bad idea. They have no knowledge about mental health, so they can't really react adequately to the situation.


Anyway, I hope your friend has finally found some peace... keep your good memories of him and thus he would live on through you.

I noticed that he started to change in the beginning or middle of december.

This was kind of a simmilar situation (around the 10th of december):
He was over in my house and I got some bad news. He started to get hysteric because of my problems.
I told him I get them fixed, but he started to make terror and screamed and cryed because of my problems. It was in the middle of the night and I didn't understand this reaction at all. He also didn't behaved like this befor. He left at 3 a clock in the night, because he didn't wanted to leave earlyer and toled me he want's to be there for me and screamed and cryed.

I totally didn't understand that and I got my problems mostly fixed the next day. Okay this wasn't clear in this situation, but this reaction was clearly too much for me.
After this he said that he is sorry and this wouldn't happen again, that he just worried too much.
But this evening he was much stranger and his sentences also didn't make sence in some cases.
I was also scared of him, because there was also something "sexual" in this situation and his behaviour.
The police toled me afterwards that there was some rumour that my friend was homosexual, if I know something about it? No, nothing, I toled them, in fact in all those years he never had a relationship and also never talked about someone and I didn't wanted to ask.

I was talking with a neurotypical friend on a phone this night, she helped me to cope with this situation and also talked to him over the phone this night and she said I need help, this situation is way over the top.
I agree with her.

Maybe the police wasn't the best idea, I dunno I my country they are quite allright mostly, but I didn't know what to do, after the psychiatry didn't help me. In my opinion he clearly needed help.