Have you ever been cold, selfish or demanding?

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I've got Aspergers and other mental issues (anxiety, etc) going on. Sometimes I think I'm this horrible person, because the anxiety, social pressure or what have you gets so overwhelming that I just freak...

Here are some things I've done that I'm not so proud of:

1). Completely blanked (ignored) a friend on purpose because I felt guilty for being such an unavailable friend. I knew I was a bad friend and wanted to right my wrongs; at the same time when we attended the same function, I thought she'd give me the cold shoulder and not accept an apology anyway, so I thought what the hell I'll ignore her too (completely)!

(What a cold thing for me to do because she was the one who was having personal problems and even acquaintances came to her side, but not little ole stubborn I.) (sigh)

2). Spoke sternly (loudly) to a friend when she didn't respond to my email and demanded that she send me an email (even a blank, pointless one) even though I was talking to her face to face!! Is this an autistic trait or what........that I had to have the email I was expecting from her, even an empty one to make things feel right again!

3). Abandoned a friend who was severely physically ill. I've had trust issues regarding this friend - just no interest in hanging out with her much. She always treated me kindly but she's not always a truthful person. She never took advantage of me but just felt icky about being around her too much because of her past criminal history. However, she is SOOO sick and I still can't bring myself to even to send her a get well card. Her age (over 70) and her situation (extremely ill) and I can't send her a card?

4). Not attended some pretty important weddings, birthday parties and funerals due to anxiety.

5). Did not lend a box of Kleenex to someone because I was afraid this person would keep asking for a box every time I bought some Kleenex - and they seemed reluctant when I asked when they would buy their own Kleenex.

(The problem is I had no reason to think this person wouldn't go out and get his own Kleenex box......just that it bothered me that I wasn't sure he would buy one to replace the one I'd lend him....he was completely trustworthy so WTF was my problem!?! ! )

6). My anxiety, at times, has caused me to be very impatient and demanding. Things have to be 'just so' sometimes and not sure if this is autism-spectrum related or not. I just don't like disruptions to my delicate little world that will cause stress, which generally causes me to be nonfunctional and have a meltdown.

What about you? Have you ever done things you are not so proud of - things that others would consider cold, selfish or demanding?

Literally every person who has survived past early infancy has been cold, selfish, or demanding at one point or another. In fact, every person has likely been cold, selfish, and demanding. This is a part of the human condition: our ids, our innate desires, cause us to place our wants ahead of the needs of others. Being occasionally cold, selfish, and demanding is no indication of a bad character, and the mere fact that you feel guilty about such things speaks greatly of your moral integrity-- you are still a good person underneath it all.

I, on the other hand, may not be:

1) My mother does not live in the same country as I do, by no fault of her own. She cries often, if not daily, for me, adores and loves me dearly, and wants nothing more than to have a relationship with me. I do not have the decency to contact her outside of major holidays due to me being extremely self-adsorbed.

2) I went into a relationship knowing that I would not be able to fully attach to him. He is madly in love with me. I barely bother to regard his existence.

3) In fact, I am emotionally cold towards just about every single human being on the face of the planet...and most people would never realize it because I spread positive messages whenever possible and always attempt to be helpful and show kindness. It is not that I dislike people-- I sincerely wish for their happiness and well being; it is just that I cannot, or at least will not, connect with them on a deeper level.

4) I am so demanding that I am making you read this post instead of attending to more serious matters.

May your broken relations and your broken spirits be healed.

Welcome to ASD and social phobia.

I have been described that way many times.

I know i have done 1 quite recently. I had no reason to blank my friend. Still, as said everyone does this (show me a person completly innocent) but what matters is that you know you feel guilty about it and not taking amusment from it.

the guilt shows you are a good moral person!

More often than not... I've got plenty of feedback upon it, so at least I know I have an issue. How far I'd go depends on many factors, my mood, how tired or exhausted I am at a given time. Sometimes I can be like an as*hole when I'm high (I'm not taking drugs). I keep trying to be a better person even though I have failed so many times and certainly will do in the future.

I think I tend to expect too much from people, take too many things for granted, especially from my parents. I'm sure many friendships and acquaintances of mine just went cold due to my indifference or not seeking connection. I think it's partly anxiety, partly executive functioning deficit, partly true indifference. All of it can be a result of having some form of autism. When this happens, sooner or later I'd feel guilt over it too. This is how we arrive at reinforcing anxiety in one in this (seemingly) never-ending cycle.