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Duncan
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17 Feb 2013, 3:06 pm

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I am stumped. Is it just me who doesn't what trust is ? Is an aspie thing not to know what trust is ?



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17 Feb 2013, 3:10 pm

Trust is having confidence in the abilities or qualities of another person (or corporation). This may be based on reputation, experience or likelihood. I would have said '...in the positive abilities..." but you can also say "trust [insert name] to do the wrong thing" for instance.

I don't believe it's an Aspie thing not to know what trust is at all. It might be something that Aspies find hard to feel if they've had bad experiences in life though.


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Duncan
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17 Feb 2013, 3:49 pm

Sorry I'm gonna be nick picky here, isn't confidence just another word for trust ?



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17 Feb 2013, 3:56 pm

Duncan wrote:
I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I am stumped. Is it just me who doesn't what trust is ? Is an aspie thing not to know what trust is ?


I have AS and I know what trust is, it's just that no-one respects trust anymore and they abuse other people's trust.

I personally, no longer trust anyone.


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MountainLaurel
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17 Feb 2013, 4:05 pm

For me, trust in another individual means that I am confident that they have my best interests at heart.

I tend to practice conditional trust with folks who are new to me. I start with the assumption that they are essentially honest, decent individuals. I will trust them in small ways until I know them better. As I get to know someone there are generally situations wherein trustworthiness (or the lack of it) is portrayed, through their interactions with myself and others.

Whether a person emerges as trustworthy or untrustworthy, I take their actions seriously.

I trust that individuals who lie a lot will continue to lie a lot. Once I have witnessed someone doing something destructive, I assume that they are destructive individuals; don't trust them and I avoid them.

I have trust in myself. I am confident that I accurately track events and come to reasonable, useful conclusions. I trust my ability to explore, learn and create because I have patience with process and have experienced successes. I trust that the world and the folks in it are "knowable" bit by bit.

I can change my opinion of someone, due to new revelation without losing trust in my judgement.

I believe that trust and confidence are closely linked.



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17 Feb 2013, 4:15 pm

For me, I definitely feel that trust is earned, not coerced. Sadly I've had a couple of "people" attempt the latter on me. If someone insists that you trust them, it's usually better not to. I had someone in a shared living situation insist that so help me, she will make sure I trust her (implied threat: "or else"). Then she made condescending remarks that I didn't trust anyone because I never "learned" how. Got the hell away from that psycho!!

I'm more selective in who I want to be in my circle than I was before - you see, before I was more lonely and so relaxed my trust level with others w/o thinking of the consequences - bad idea since I didn't have the natural NT instincts i.e. emotional & non-verbal vibes and lack of experience due to perpetual exclusion from social settings.

IMO, trust issues does not equal paranoia; it's rationally grounded based on our past (unsavoury) experiences. Some would even say it's street-smart. For example, when conducting any kind of business transaction I insist on taking the time to read over something I'm about to sign (in most cases, not all, depending) and if the person insists that I sign right away, it's usually a bad sign.



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17 Feb 2013, 4:18 pm

I instinctively trust everybody. It's hard for me to imagine people being dishonest.


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whirlingmind
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17 Feb 2013, 4:34 pm

Duncan wrote:
Sorry I'm gonna be nick picky here, isn't confidence just another word for trust ?


If you are going to nit-pick, which means paying excessive attention to detail*, it's ironic that you have misspelled the term nit-pick.

You'll note that MountainLaurel used virtually the same terminology that I did, there was nothing incorrect about it, so I don't understand your point.

Quote:
* the term has become appropriated to describe the practice of meticulously searching for minor, even trivial errors in detail (often referred to as "nits" as well), and then criticising them (see nitpicking (pastime).


(source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nitpicking)


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17 Feb 2013, 4:58 pm

Yuugiri wrote:
I instinctively trust everybody. It's hard for me to imagine people being dishonest.


I used to be that naive, then I found out the reality of things and decided to stop bothering to trust people.

9 out of 10 people will take advantage of others in some way, most likely by trust.


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GnothiSeauton
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17 Feb 2013, 5:47 pm

It's an exercise in naivety and cynicism in reference to oneself and others.



Samian
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17 Feb 2013, 6:45 pm

It's not a bad idea to build trust in yourself.

Trusting others ? - my experience would suggest that's not a great idea.

Trust to me is a kind of social contract that stengthens over time as people go ahead and do predictable things that reinforce the relationship. It happens over a long period of time. Often it can happen that as I get to know people more...... I trust them less.



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17 Feb 2013, 7:09 pm

l am naive and always and trust too easily. l just try to make it less obvious as an adult.

miraculously, l haven't been taken advantage of seriously.

But l have been completely unaware of the way other people really feel about me.

Some of it is that l truly don't care and am not always trying to gauge someone's true feelings about me, so it's a shame people have thought they've gotten something over on me by being deceptive or passive aggressive, whatever you want o call it.

l don't know if's an aspie thing. l'd say l do assume about the same level of trust in everyone unless they display strong traits that should indicate otherwise for me.

l've never had trouble with opening up with people, etc. l feel like "what do l have to lose?" l'm not thinking "what if this person judges me/betrays me/doesn't understand."...

Because what if they don't? l mean, it's not the end of the world for me.

But l do try to watch what l tell people because now l understand that when you tell certain people something that you don't even care about or find embarrassing they are likely to gossip about anyway and also expand on it to speculate about things that aren't even true.

So maybe that's the awareness that most people already have and the reason they are "distrustful''.


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