Discretion - are people with AS good at keeping it?

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All about keeping discretion...I think I'm good at it in general, unless I stumble upon a "big picture perception" expectation of me to keep quiet about something seemingly innocuous somebody has told me, without telling me not to talk about it - so I mention it in passing to someone and then get burned for it - this has happened to me on occasion. The person telling me the secret (which again I emphasize, I didn't know was a secret at the time) then chided me for how can I do that, it was "obvious" that so-and-so would use that against them or try to get an advantage over them because they know Person A and Person A is good friends with Person B who they don't want to find out because bla bla bla. (not being flippant by that last part, I just didn't care to elaborate.)

When somebody explicitly tells me "please don't say ANYTHING about this to anyone" or even "don't say it to Person A or Person B but you can tell Person C", then they can be 130% sure that I'll respect and do as they request of me.

Also if it is something obviously discomforting to that person, then they can be sure that I won't tell. (Of course, I'm talking about embarrassing or uncomfortable stuff - if it's a crime they committed, then that's a different story...getting very hypothetical here.)

For emails and Facebook postings, I think NTs tend to screw up as much as if not more than us for indiscreet posting which end up in the wrong hands or audience, and it burns them.

Still, I know us Aspies do have a tendency to not filter our thoughts, we just don't have the same inhibitions and natural good judgements in spontaneous situations; for myself I had to go through this trial-and-error dance to solidify my discretion and make it more consistent. Which I have. But I still find that some people perceive me as somebody lacking discretion, as recently at work a manager told me about certain plans they have with a vendor which I took in total confidence without him telling me - but then he explicitly told me (in front of a colleague) that I am not to mention this to the vendor. Of course, I immediately said "no, I would never think of doing that, it wouldn't be proper." Not just to humour him, but because I genuinely knew w/o his say-so.

I read the subtext of this as: some people like the manager and co-worker must have gossiped about me being loose-lipped and blurting things out that were not proper (which I did a couple of times, but it was more mild-moderate embarrassment than revealing a secret as such).

In the working world, I've often wondered whether a diagnosis of Aspergers would prevent one from getting a top-secret security clearance for government-related jobs. I've had a secret security clearance for quasi-govt positions, but if I went for top-secret i.e. if I ever pursued a civilian job in the dept of defence or a spy agency, then I'd likely have to disclose Aspergers as part of the grilling and they would likely associated Aspergers as lacking discretion so I'm unfit for the post. I'd imagine they'd hold my response along the same negative wavelength as the usual addictions and criminal record questions. sadly.

I think there's a difference between saying things that might be too blunt to be socially inappropriate and knowing when something should be kept on the QT because it's personal or might embarrass someone.

When I was younger I may have been unaware of my impaired social filter, now if I say something that makes the crowd uncomfortable, it's usually intentional because it amuses me. There are still times when I say or do something lightly and only in retrospect wonder if perhaps I went too far.

However, as far as accidentally disclosing something I'm not supposed to be sharing around, that's not a problem for me, because I'm rather paranoid about disclosing anything personal or private, lest it be used against me later. I feel the same about other people's business as well. Whether they say so outright or not, if I think it's something they'd rather keep personal, I just "forget" that I even know about it.

OTOH, if someone asks me about it directly, I'm a lousy liar and the best I can do is change the subject, or give as vague and cryptic a response as possible.

3 can keep a secret, if 2 of them are dead.