Need "How are you?" help for appointment in 2.5 ho

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RedwoodCat
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01 May 2013, 11:29 am

I have an appointment with a new disability adviser at a junior college I will be attending, and am dreading the "How are you?" question. Just last night I found out that my 14-year-old daughter had an abnormal brain MRI scan, and she definitely has something wrong with her left frontal lobe. I am in shock and barely functioning. How do I answer that question? It's next to impossible for me to just say "OK" in situations like this, as it was only 1.5 years ago (out of 48) that I learned that you are not suppose to say what is actually going on with you.

Thanks so much,
Cat


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Last edited by RedwoodCat on 01 May 2013, 11:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

alakazaam
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01 May 2013, 11:34 am

Say, "Good. How are you?"

That's the appropriate way of answering that question.



whirlingmind
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01 May 2013, 11:37 am

Tell the truth. Are you not allowed to have feelings and be honest about them?


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OliveOilMom
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01 May 2013, 11:41 am

"Getting by, thanks" is what I'd say. That lets them know that you are having some trouble and if they want to know about it they will ask. If they do then tell them briefly. If not, let it be.


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RedwoodCat
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01 May 2013, 11:42 am

Side note: I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, where natives have much more varied answers to that question. Even cashiers at the super market will say stuff like "Oh, ready for my shift to be over." I think this area has the highest concentration of Aspies in the country.


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Marcia
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01 May 2013, 12:35 pm

whirlingmind wrote:
Tell the truth. Are you not allowed to have feelings and be honest about them?


This!

And, sorry to hear about your daughter and hope things turn out to be ok.



neilson_wheels
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01 May 2013, 12:48 pm

"Could be better, could be worse." Followed by a smile. Works for me, I think.

Make something up that suits you, keep it simple. Good luck.



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01 May 2013, 12:50 pm

I've found that "All right, I guess," in a tone of mild frustration (preceded by a sigh, say, or a drawn-out "Oh") works pretty well.

At least with my therapist.

Since a disability adviser is **supposed to be** on your side, some degree of honesty should be safe.

Should be. Not necessarily is.


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RedwoodCat
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01 May 2013, 5:33 pm

It turns out my worries were for naught. Nobody in the office asked the dreaded "How are you?" question. I turns out that the vast majority of students that go through there are on the spectrum, so the place is super AS friendly.

I learned an important lesson from this though. Appropriate replies depend not only on how well you know someone and the setting, but also the culture/sub-culture of the person you are dealing with. At least in this area, some people really like open, honest answers, even if they don't know you well, while others just want to follow the social norms. Regardless, keeping it short is key, while elaborating only if prompted.


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neilson_wheels
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02 May 2013, 5:21 am

Glad it went well.