When you speak do you use hand gestures?

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zeldapsychology
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13 May 2013, 8:22 pm

I practically always do. I was wondering if this was common to others with AS on the spectrum and if there was a REASON why WE do it. :-) Another question do we say "Sorry" a lot? I'm constantly worried I might upset family or someone so say "sorry" 24/7 lately. I feel if I don't explain myself or say "sorry" all the time I might make some mistake and get yelled at. Anyone relate? Thanks!



Ann2011
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13 May 2013, 8:27 pm

I used to say "sorry" all the time, these days I rarely use it.
Hand gestures . . . whenever I'm talking. I think it annoys people. I often catch them looking at my hands and smirking. But it helps me to vocalize.



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13 May 2013, 8:31 pm

Yes to both and I know it annoys people. I feel like I should apologize for everything because I'd rather over apologize than under apologize.



zeldapsychology
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13 May 2013, 8:38 pm

My dad said it's as if I'm doing an interview and trying to sale myself and he said I didn't need to do that I already sold him. :-) Cute. While trying to explain to my little sister to do better in school I used hand gestures and she laughed out loud not focusing on my explanations to do better in school. I do it when I'm excited and have something to say. I also stand around waiting for people to pay attention to me then they ask "What do you want that's so important" in a light hearted tone then I get all excited "Need help on something or show you this etc." Personally I have to tell you RIGHT THEN! or I forget what I was wanting to say.

Also I agree I rather OVER apologize too. If I don't worry and just do whatever that usually leads to trouble OMG! why didn't you clean the house OMG! what have you done today!! !! NOTHING! etc. vs. when I can say sorry I was planning to do X but did Z instead and will do X tomorrow and go into a 10 min. explanation which is mentally exhausting for me really. :-(

Wish it wasn't so mentally taxing. :-(



Last edited by zeldapsychology on 13 May 2013, 8:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anomiel
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13 May 2013, 8:39 pm

I do it (unconsciously) to paint up whatever I say, but if the other person isn't a visual thinker they might get confused. It works really good as a tool for communication with those that can read it though.



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13 May 2013, 8:57 pm

It's a tough line to walk, empathizing too much or not enough.

As a general rule, I only apologize when I can tell that their feelings are hurt, or I screwed up big time!


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13 May 2013, 9:03 pm

Yes, when I am explaining something, I use LOTS of hand gestures!! To me it links with visual thinking. Due to me having difficulty putting my thoughts into words, I try to "draw" them with my hands. I watched a video of myself doing a practice counselling session for my diploma and I could not BELIEVE how much I gestured with my hands!! It was embarrassing! I am also half-Italian, so that probably adds to it ;) lol

And yes, I say sorry way too much also. I believe it is due to me never really understanding how my social interaction is going so I just apologise, assuming I must have been in the wrong.


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shaymin
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13 May 2013, 9:37 pm

I agree, I do it a ton. Often, like Anomiel said, to "paint" my thoughts.

As far as "sorry" goes: I apologize a lot, and I've recently started saying "sorry" when I think I misheard someone (which happens a lot :D ). I don't know why I do that now though, I used to just say "what."

So yes to both questions.


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13 May 2013, 9:41 pm

I found in school when I gave a presentation in front of the class, I used a lot of hand gestures even though I didn't really plan to. Especially when I was standing behind a podium.

I find myself saying sorry often. I said it to someone today when we passed each other in a narrow hallway and I was sort of in their way but not really.


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13 May 2013, 11:11 pm

always apologize, even when something isnt my fault, or its unnecessary. and i do a lot of hand gesturing.


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13 May 2013, 11:15 pm

I do it quite a bit, but my mom's boyfriend -- whom I strongly suspect is a fellow Aspie -- talks with his hands it to an extreme degree. He's so detailed about it that if you were standing across the street from him and he was talking to someone else, you'd likely know what he was talking about.

A friend of mine -- another suspected AS -- says "I'm sorry" all the time. I've tried to break her of it, but it's not meant to be I guess.



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13 May 2013, 11:31 pm

Yes and I honestly thought it was what we are supposed to be doing and lack of hand gestures was an autistic trait. That is what I have read. Then I have also heard about people on the spectrum using them and a fuss is made about it. I can remember someone telling me she saw Temple Grandin and she does stuff with her hands as she talks because she moves them around.

Everyone I know has used hand gestures including aspies.


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rebbieh
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14 May 2013, 12:51 am

I rarely use hand gestures and I say sorry a lot.



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14 May 2013, 1:15 am

I used to say sorry all the time and then I cut back when it was irritating people. Now I seldom do it.


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auxetoiless
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14 May 2013, 1:49 am

Yes! I didn't realise it was an Aspie thing, though. People pay me out for it, or mimic the gesturing (with a bit of exaggeration, I think... I hope) all the time. I've taken to clasping my hands behind my back when I talk to people at work; started to get the impression that people took me less seriously when I was too demonstrative.

I used to apologise all the time, too - whenever I thought I'd made a social faux pas or said something that might be perceived as insensitive by the recipient. Dialled it back a lot now, because too many apologies made people think they were less sincere.


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OliveOilMom
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14 May 2013, 1:54 am

If I were to be handcuffed I would be mute. I use a whole lot of gestures.


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