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Zorrotrainer14
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13 Nov 2013, 11:13 pm

So, I have done a fair amount of research on AS, and from what has been concluded, I haven't really seen much on this. I'm wondering if it is an actual aspie trait, or I'm just weird perhaps.

Anyways, the issue is this; I do feel quite comfortable talking to some people (granted, it will still depend on my mood and such whether I actually do talk or not) and other people, I can barely even give them a typical greeting. It seems when I meet someone, I may form an immediate trust or distrust toward the person. It may change during that first time interacting with that person, and if it does not change by the second time, it is highly unlikely that it will. Even if I waned it to, it is highly unlikely I will be able to have an actual conversation with them.

The thing is, I am in this group, and the leader of the group is one of those people I do trust, and can talk to. One day she decided that she was going to start sharing the leadership with one of her friends...I met her friend, and I cannot bring myself to talk to her (My goodness, it freaks me out if she looks at me) So in te group, I used to be very comfortable talking in, a real luxurie, for Aspies, I suppose, I now stare at the ground and fear the moment when someone expects me to speak.

So IS that an Aspie trait?



FishStickNick
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13 Nov 2013, 11:33 pm

Maybe? I don't know about the trust/distrust part, but quoth Wikipedia...

Quote:
"[N]ot all individuals with AS will approach others. Some of them may even display selective mutism, speaking not at all to most people and excessively to specific people. Some may choose to talk to only people they like."


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_s ... nteraction



rainkins
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14 Nov 2013, 2:07 am

Zorrotrainer14 wrote:
I do feel quite comfortable talking to some people (granted, it will still depend on my mood and such whether I actually do talk or not) and other people, I can barely even give them a typical greeting. It seems when I meet someone, I may form an immediate trust or distrust toward the person. It may change during that first time interacting with that person, and if it does not change by the second time, it is highly unlikely that it will. Even if I waned it to, it is highly unlikely I will be able to have an actual conversation with them.


I don't know whether it's common or even whether it's an Aspie trait at all, but this describes how I interact with people 100%. When I like and feel comfortable with someone, which is something I typically decide very quickly after meeting them, it feels perfectly natural for me to be open and trusting toward them, maybe even unusually so. But if someone makes me uncomfortable -- again, usually very quickly and for no discernible reason -- it is nearly impossible for me to easily navigate even the simplest interaction with that person. When I was little, my mom said that I had a sixth sense about people, and she made the choice (very luckily, as it turns out, for the sake of my future sanity) not to force me to interact with people who made me uncomfortable if I didn't have to. Whether I actually have any intuitive "sense" about people, I have no idea, but I definitely do either trust or distrust very quickly, and as you said, if that initial judgment doesn't change by my second interaction with that person, I will probably never be able to have an easy conversation with them or easily look them in the eye.



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14 Nov 2013, 2:10 am

It's a fairly accurate description of my interactions as well.
Also, I've learned over the years that those feelings are almost invariably correct and that those people should be avoided not just by me, but generally by everyone.



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14 Nov 2013, 2:37 am

Yes, I am very much this way. As an adult I am sometimes forced by circumstances to communicate with people, but I do minimize such contacts to what is strictly necessary. When it isn't necessary, then I only deal with people when I really want to, and as much or as little as I want to. I am definitely not a social butterfly. I email family when I want to, not before. Due to health problems, I have an answering machine on the phone, as it is hard for me to get to it in time. Also, because of my health problems I have an irregular sleep/wake cycle, so I usually keep the answer machine and phone ringer volumes turned off. I only turn them up when I feel like checking to see if anyone has called, and then only call back when I am ready to deal with socializing with my relatives. I know it annoys them, but too much social contact annoys me. There is no magic fix for the situation. However there are plenty of other people in the world for my relatives to socialize with on a regular basis, so they don't really need to have constant contact with me, while I do need my solitude, so I minimize contact. I do try to send them emails once or twice a week instead of phone calls. Email contact is easier for me to deal with than phone calls or personal visits.

I am glad that there are some people you are comfortable socializing with. :D I have never really found anyone I can be that comfortable with. :( At least I don't mind being an introverted hermit. :D I know there are some introverts that are unhappy about being introverted. I feel sorry for them. I am also sorry for more outgoing people who can't stand to be alone. I know a few people like that. Both types are miserable at times.

I think, based on what I've encountered here on this site, and on my own experience, what you experience is fairly common among people on the spectrum. Don't let it get to you. Just hang out with people you like. :D



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14 Nov 2013, 7:40 am

Unless it hurt you opportunities a lot, it's fine. I trust my instincts a lot, too. I haven't yet met a person that I think looks pleasant turn out to be nasty. Besides these feelings are usually mutual. They probably don't want to talk to you either. Sometimes it's a bit awkward that a person you've know for quite a while have absolutely nothing to say to you. It can't be helped if neither person want to talk to the other, though.


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Jerkamie
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14 Nov 2013, 7:55 am

Yeah I find myself fine with some people. It feels like you can instantly trust them, and its a lot less difficult to make eye contact. It seems random though , I'm not sure if it's just intimidation or how they look at me or what I have no idea but I get what you are saying.



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14 Nov 2013, 8:47 am

I'm taciturn most time in most situations but sometimes I talk too much to my parents and brother. Though most of my speech is not social-oriented.