residential care? able to life independantly? need help

Post Reply New Topic

My partner wants to seperate.
There has never been a so called "romantic" relationship, as I am not capable of it, but we got together in special interst and this was our relationship.
I am diagnosed Autistic Disorder, my partner is self-diagnoed Broader Autism Spectrum/ ADHD.
But now, special interest seperated, as he begins to more socializing and we always had a "different speed" = he is (in my view) chaotic, and I need my rituals very severely.
Anyway partner wants a "more physical relationship (like romantic)" and he is right to want it.
But I don't know where to go.
I am badly functioning even with him, and cannot function alone (I am on disability and scored grade four in severity from 5 grades in total, quite low, but I am not low-functioning, I am mediocre severity functioning, meaning I have above average IQ, but severe autistic symtoms).
So everyone says I have to go into residential care, but I am 39 years old and I am so scared to now be in a sort of home, though I do not function enough.
I looked up residential care and for autism you qualify as being low-functioning or there are offers for residential care with psychiatric patients.
I am not low functioning (and I do not mean it as an insult for low-functioning people, I am additionally debilitated as well due to severe trauma in childhood (diagnosed DDNOS and attachmant trauma as well to autism) and I think I cannot tolerate people I don't know telling me what to do (I am very withdrawn towards people and have a "very own mind").
I do not want to be with psychiatric patients as I got traumatized by people with severe psychiatric conditions.

Another option is to live close to my partner (he agrees) so that I have some support, but people told me that as soon as he has another woman he will not help me anymore.

So, I wished to be able to live independantly, but I do not know if I am capable of.

There is also a sort of help you can get for areas in your life (a person coming and doing grocerys, administration work etc), but one big problem:
I do not volutarily search for human contact, so living alone could cause me not to be among people anymore and this makes symptoms even worse.

I don't know what to do.

Contact to family is not good due to abuse.
I have to deal with it myself, but I do not know what to do

(I also do not have friends to help, I am very withdrawn)

Try and get your partner to speak to disability services for you, and have him tell them of your problems with independent living. They'll give you options.

In my area, "group homes" are where people with an ASD go if they can't live by themselves and there's no family to live with (they take about half of your disability pension or so). Long term institutions are there for someone who needs a lot of care.

Thank you Dillogic.
I do have all options but I do not know, which one is best for me.
People say that residential home is best for me, but I have never been into a residential home, and the thought is too scary.
I stil hope to be able to learn to be able to live independantly, maybe with a weekly or more-times-a-week help, but then there is the problem of me being withdrawn too much and I know that if there are people supporting me (establishing routines more functional, making me consume food, talking to me) I do better, but I do not want strange people!!
I hate this idea!

Eloa, I hope you get the support you need and are happy with it.

In Canada, if you were to live together for more than a year, you would be deemed to have been in a common law marriage, thus obligating your partner to pay spousal support. Due to your level of functioning, he would be on the hook paying you support for life, regardless of whether or not he is with another woman.

What about seeing if you can get a live-in or aide. Again it is normally for the elderly but I think anyone who needs one can apply

What about seeing if you can get a live-in or aide. Again it is normally for the elderly but I think anyone who needs one can apply

eloa,
what country are in?
people cant just choose to go into somewhere,there has to be a care needs assessment.
developmental disability residential homes wont admit people whose care needs assessment shows their functioning and behavior isnt requiring of residential care because of the funding costs and places shortages for high care needs with severe challenging behavior, they also have to assess for suitability in that specific residential home and make sure are suitable for it and that there wont be any clashes with other residents.

am not sure about outside of UK but in the UK residential care is the highest form of support,we dont have learning disability institutions anymore;was in one of the last ones until it closed but like many of them they had absolutely vile nightmare staff.
in the UK,there are a lot of benefits restrictions to going into residential care,we are not allowed to claim the DLA care component for example which restricts most other benefits,and we are only allowed to have twenty five pound per week in benefits as its assumed we get everything covered in residential care-we dont.

residential care also doesnt offer much outside time,such as going places unless are assessed as ok in going out in groups, some of us arent so get limited in our time out-the money limits it to.
supported living is a far beter concept, will be able to live on own,or with one other person, or in a supported living group home.
these are for people who want to be able to do what they want and go where they want to go but the amount of support can be tailored to any needs,there are not the restrictions on benefits like there is in residential care.
am hoping to be able to be in supported housing one day so am able to own pets as we cant own indoor/bedroom pets in residential due to possibility of staff allergies or phobias.

Is the apartment yours and are you keeping it? I'm assuming it has two bedrooms because you said you don't have a physical relationship with your bf. If that's the case then have you thought about renting the other bedroom to someone in exchange for helping you? Maybe a student in a field where they would be learning about autism in school? Of course you would have to have them checked out real well, but that could be done. That way, if you let them stay in the other bedroom in exchange for helping you they are not in charge of you, you are actually in charge of them because you are their landlord.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com

Since you have abuse-related issues, you might also want to look into what options are available for survivors of childhood abuse. I know in my hometown, they used to have a place for female sexual abuse survivors where they could live in a shelter for several months while working on healing. Sadly, the center closed down due to lack of funding, but there might be something similar in your area. Be sure to make it clear that you are dealing with childhood abuse rather than current spousal abuse, because those are generally served by different organizations.

Also, is there a YWCA in your area? They often provide housing support.