My mom is always asking me to stop flapping my hands

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I've flapped my hands since I was 11, and I do it when I'm excited and sometimes a little bit when I'm stressed, but only at home. Unless something happens that causes me to do it in public, but I usually hide it. I know it's a bit annoying, but it helps me relieve excessive excitement and stress. But my mom always says "Relax, stop flapping your hands and just relax." I realize she is trying to help, but if I hold it in, it's going to burst or I become really annoyed. This is just a part of me that can't be held down, and I've tried to hold it down. But fortunately, it's not as bad as it used to be.

Should I just try and stop flapping my hands or try to make my mom understand that I can't just stop it?

Are you one of those aspies who have had different stims throughout their life? You do one stim and then you stop doing it and start doing something else ans then you outgrow that stim and do another stim.

I don't know about this - on one hand, people get all obsessed with stimming and how weird it is and labeling it, but on the other hand I think it's pretty cool that you are able to flap your arms when you get excited - it's just a physical expression of your feeling, not some bad thing.

But if you are doing it for a long time or making noises, etc., I can see how it would be annoying.

Maybe if you just do it for a short time, or step into another room. I've never done that so I have no idea how noisy or disruptive it is or how long one might do it.

People have often given me grief about my most common stim, an elliptical, side-to-side swaying, like Stevie Wonder or Ray Charles. Long before I heard of AS and got diagnosed, people would say things like "You're making me dizzy, could you stop that? What are you, autistic?" Duh. Fact is, I can stop it for a few seconds, but as you noted, it then stresses me out to forcibly stand still and after a few moments, it will resume on it's own, like it or not.

It's either that, or rocking back and forth on my heels and toes and I'm sure somebody would complain about that, too. Screw them, I yam what I yam and I'll do whatever keeps me calm. The only time I can be still is when my mind is focused on something, like reading or drawing. If I'm just standing around, I'm immediately overwhelmed by anxiety and I have to burn off that energy somehow. When I was a child, I could run around in circles, whoop and holler and have fake epileptic seizures on the floor, but as an adult, you can't get away with that. So I'll rock and sway, thank you very much.

If you only do it privately, then it's not really a problem. Maybe you could explain to your mom why you do it.

You should tell your mum that your body movements are none of her business. If your behaviour were aggressive or dangerous or threatening to other people, then of course people would have a right to ask you to stop. e.g. if you were hitting your mum, then of course she could ask you to stop. But if you are not hurting anyone by flapping your hands, and are merely expressing excitement, then in my opinion she has no more right to ask to you stop flapping than you have the right to order her to join in and start flapping her hands as well.

I seriously feel it is an outrage that NTs feel they have the right to order us to stop being ourselves. My family are always trying to turn me into a censored version of who I really am. "Don't talk in a baby voice. Don't stick your tongue out when concentrating. Don't do this. Don't do that." I do not see my family any more because they make me so angry and stressed with all their constant commands not to do this or that.

Have you been diagnosed? I am asking only because if you have, then your mom definitely knows you are autistic, Is it possible that she is not aware that stims are a healthy thing? And if she does, is it possible that she is not aware that you only do this at home? She might be afraid of you being picked on because of your flapping, particularly if she was also kissed by the autism fairy and is trying to keep you from going through what she has.

Also, I noticed that in families with autistics, there are often family members who are not autistic themselves, but definitely cousins as far as their wiring. If your mom has extreme anxiety issues[ you probably know what that feels like] or is bi-polar, that could make her more likely to lash out at you when she is stressed.

If you are confident that your mom loves you [and the most loving parent makes mistskes] then maybe you should sit down and have a talk with her. Explain what is going on, and if she understands and breaks down in tears for hurting her baby [you] be sure to tell her that you love her and give her a hug.

P.S. Obviously, I'm a mom.

You should tell her that you need to do it because it makes you feel comfortable.