15 Things You Should Never Say To An Autistic Person

Post Reply New Topic

15 Things You Should Never Say To An Autistic

Interesting article I found.

Silly NTs!

The thing is. There are anti-discriminating laws and/or rules ageist race, religion, sex and psychical disabilities. But there is nothing out there for people with mental disabilities, because most NT people think and believe that mental disabilities are nothing more then a license for bad behavior.

I've had this one:

3. "You must be very high-functioning."

I don't take offence at it, I just regard as proof that I can 'pass' in everyday life, including some friendships.

5. "I know a kid whose autism is really severe. You don't seem like him."

And this. It seems like fair comment to me. I usually try to explain what I have in common with that kid, rather than just leave it without comment.

Seems pretty nitpicky. Most of those are innocent.

I would probably hear a few of these in real life if the majority of my friends knew I was an Aspie.

I don't find it offensive, I just found those 15 things to be something that someone would ask or say if they didn't know much about autism. The thing about autism is that most people who aren't directly effected by it don't know much about it. Most people with AS who are out there working or socializing don't go around telling people they have it, so it's not something that there is a big "awareness" about and it's also not something that most people think they need to be especially on the lookout for in others - ie; a boss telling an employee that no he doesn't think it's a big deal that the guy three cubicles over plays his radio softly because most people don't even notice it, or people not being shocked when an adult who has always seemed "normal" has a meltdown or gets extremely agitated over something unimportant seeming.

I know there is a big push for acceptance and assimilation and I'm all for that, but if we start complaining and being offended over things that most people don't know not to do or say, right away, and if we come in with this big metaphorical laundry list of "You must do and say this and not do or say this or else you are discriminating" rather than educating people about the wide range of the spectrum, and letting them see that not every person who has autism is like the stereotypical low functioning child in a TV movie, all we are going to do is reinforce their belief that we are too obsessive, peculiar, and demanding and that we are just too much trouble to deal with. Yes, we need to insist on and also earn the respect of others, but that also means respecting the fact that the whole idea that an autistic person can do what an NT person can do is something that has probably never crossed most folks minds and it will take some time for that idea to become mainstream.

In other words, don't meet your new in-laws with a shaved head, covered in tattoos and, wearing a t-shirt that proclaims you are a Satanist. walking your pet tiger on a leash and then be surprised that they take some time to figure out that you are just a regular gal whose hair fell out after a bad perm, spent the day with your nephew who loves temporary tattoos, your washer broke last week and you were stuck wearing a tshirt that you bought during college for shock value and as a joke, who works at an exotic animal rescue and has to hand feed the rescue she took home. Especially if you immediately get offended and angry when are terrified of you as soon as they meet you.

Let's let people get to know more about us and what we can do before we start screaming that they are out to get us. While Autism Awareness has been around for a long time, it's still not all that big outside of certain circles. It's going to take some time. We only make it worse by being too sensitive over things that aren't deliberate nor are done with any intent to offend us. Let's keep the anger for the real bullies and bigots instead of helping to create more by alienating people right away.

I agree. Just because we embrace our AS status doesn't mean that every non-affirmatory comment is a put-down,

That way lies enhanced social paranoia.

Great article.

You know, I've heard all of these things said by perfectly well-intentioned, open-minded, nice people who were just interested.

I've BEEN CALLED ret*d by perfectly nice people. "You're a little bit ret*d. Eh-- nobody's perfect. You're cool. Let's hang out." That's a nice thing to hear. MUCH better than "Persons with Asperger's can't possibly have successful relationships."

Of course, I've also heard every single one of them said by some as*hole who just wants to give me s**t.

People can ask "stupid" questions and be legitimately unknowing and curious...

...and that's OK.

People can also ask intelligent questions and be flaming jackasses.

It's all up to this thing that we really hate, and really suck at, but CAN learn.

CONTEXT.

Hey-- my hubby tells me how wonderful I am all the time. It would be really nice...

...if he didn't shout it in an "I AM SO FED UP WITH YOU!! !!" voice.

The most common offensive phrases I've encountered (repeatedly) are:

"What the F**K is WRONG with you!?"

and


"Why can't you just be like everybody else!?"


and I have heard them from both people who knew I was autistic and those who did not.

This would be the article in question for those who haven't seen it.

http://www.autistichoya.com/2012/02/15- ... ay-to.html

I probably should've added that, but thank you for doing that.

On an added note, someone who's been working with me actually acknowledged my rocking back-and-forth, and wondered if I even noticed that I was doing it. I answered yes, it just sort of comes naturally to me, (I mainly do it when I'm happy).

And another time when I was a lot younger, one of my sisters wrote on a piece of paper on how I should stop hand-flapping, (don't do that much anymore), and my mother found that to be rude.

And like a lot of the other posters have said, some of these don't seem very offensive. I guess it just really depends on what form of autism you have.

The worst thing is that I can totally see someone making that assumption.

There are also a lot of people who are ready to make that assumption as well. I also feel that there are worse things to be than ret*d as well. The reason I don't like that statement is because that person is telling me that they hate people who are disabled.

Really? You should never ask an autistic person if they've heard of Temple Grandin? Seems to me someone was trying really hard to find a no 15...

Ehh, true, but think about how often we've all said innocent things that people found annoying. Most of those statements are just naive things that many autistics have heard over and over and would really like not to hear anymore, please.

Innocent doesn't mean they can't be annoying. I think if more NTs knew that being asked about Temple Grandin for the 1,754th time irks us, they'd stop asking.

Usually, when somebody asks me if I've heard of Temple Grandin, I reply, "Yeah, she's good with livestock, but she doesn't know squat about cats." Which is true. She doesn't.