Explaining Aspergers to family members?

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abbyrose00
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28 Nov 2013, 10:42 pm

Does anyone have any advice on how to tell your family members, parents especially, that you have an ASD?
I'm 18, and I only just learned that I have Aspergers. It makes perfect sense to me, but I'm anticipating some denial from my parents. As a child, my social problems were explained by me being "shy", and so growing up I usually tried to cover up any problems I had in high school, because I thought they were my fault and I shouldn't bother anyone with them. I realize now that I need help, but I haven't been comfortable telling anyone. It's not that my parents aren't understanding, but I don't think they'd agree with my self-diagnosis.
Any advice?

Thanks in advance!



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29 Nov 2013, 5:41 am

Have you read the Tony Attwood book, 'The complete guide to AS'? If you haven't, then it is a brilliant resource for the newly diagnosed or self-diagnosed alike, and may help you to put together some examples from your life and experiences to explain and demonstrate to your parents. He also wrote a similar guide for parents and professionals, but I have to confess I haven't read that, it may worth having a look for that too?

I hope they support you and accept you for who you are, rather than the diagnosis you have come to.


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qawer
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29 Nov 2013, 11:13 am

You could tell them you have the social behaviour of a cat instead of a dog. That's basically how Aspergers differs from neurotypical socialization.



JSBACHlover
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29 Nov 2013, 11:23 am

Tell them you need to have a talk with them about who you really are deep down. Ask them to follow you to talk in the living room. Your parents will freak out that you will tell them that you are gay. Once you tell them that you have Aspergers they will be relieved. LOL



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29 Nov 2013, 1:01 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
Tell them you need to have a talk with them about who you really are deep down. Ask them to follow you to talk in the living room. Your parents will freak out that you will tell them that you are gay. Once you tell them that you have Aspergers they will be relieved. LOL


I've already come out to my parents as gay, so I guess they're wondering what's next. My parents also have taken me to a psychiatrist for the treatment of my depression when I was a teenager, so they are already accustomed to the world of psychiatric disorders. But I have yet to tell my dad how I feel about my Aspergers. One of my cousins has autism too, but it's hard to explain to my parents that I fit on the autistic spectrum too because my cousin has other developmental problems that prevent him from having any thought capacity beyond a five year old.

I did explain to my mom just recently about how I feel different from other people. The best place to do this some place where there is one-on-one time with your parents without any distractions. So I told her when I was driving in the car waiting in line at my bank's drive-thru teller. lol.

Everything you told us sounds exactly what you should tell your parents. Bring up a discussion about how you were "shy" at school, talk about other differences you had with the other students like not understanding other's feelings. Think about differences you have noticed about yourself from others. Explain all of your feelings and differences before you say the word "Aspergers". Once you do, tell them the symptoms of it. They will make the connection.



JSBACHlover
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29 Nov 2013, 1:04 pm

Moop wrote:
JSBACHlover wrote:
Tell them you need to have a talk with them about who you really are deep down. Ask them to follow you to talk in the living room. Your parents will freak out that you will tell them that you are gay. Once you tell them that you have Aspergers they will be relieved. LOL


I've already come out to my parents as gay, so I guess they're wondering what's next. My parents also have taken me to a psychiatrist for the treatment of my depression when I was a teenager, so they are already accustomed to the world of psychiatric disorders. But I have yet to tell my dad how I feel about my Aspergers. One of my cousins has autism too, but it's hard to explain to my parents that I fit on the autistic spectrum too because my cousin has other developmental problems that prevent him from having any thought capacity beyond a five year old.

I did explain to my mom just recently about how I feel different from other people. The best place to do this some place where there is one-on-one time with your parents without any distractions. So I told her when I was driving in the car waiting in line at my bank's drive-thru teller. lol.

Everything you told us sounds exactly what you should tell your parents. Bring up a discussion about how you were "shy" at school, talk about other differences you had with the other students like not understanding other's feelings. Think about differences you have noticed about yourself from others. Explain all of your feelings and differences before you say the word "Aspergers". Once you do, tell them the symptoms of it. They will make the connection.

Hey, man, sorry about that. I know there are a lot of gay Aspies out there. I was trying to be a little bit funny, so I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings.



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29 Nov 2013, 2:08 pm

abbyrose00 wrote:
Does anyone have any advice on how to tell your family members, parents especially, that you have an ASD?
I'm 18, and I only just learned that I have Aspergers. It makes perfect sense to me, but I'm anticipating some denial from my parents. As a child, my social problems were explained by me being "shy", and so growing up I usually tried to cover up any problems I had in high school, because I thought they were my fault and I shouldn't bother anyone with them. I realize now that I need help, but I haven't been comfortable telling anyone. It's not that my parents aren't understanding, but I don't think they'd agree with my self-diagnosis.
Any advice?

Thanks in advance!


Well, if you're self-diagnosed, the best advice I can give you is to go get diagnosed by a professional, preferably one specializing in ASD.
If you need your parents' help to do so financially, find the professional first, find out how much it will cost and then tell them you've been having some issues that you feel like you need to get some help for and if they get nosy about it just say you don't feel comfortable talking about it with them yet.

Alternatively, if you have insurance that you don't need their help to access, just go get yourself diagnosed.
As an adult, you can do that.

Once you have an official diagnosis it seems likely that they'd be more understanding and willing to listen, as an authoritative conclusion generally carries more weight than any self-diagnosis, no matter how accurate.



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29 Nov 2013, 2:23 pm

I am in the same situation here! I just started college and social (and other) issues that were not as obvious before have become much, much more obvious since the semester started. I had always thought there was something "different" about me, but my parents refused an autism diagnosis because my brother (who also has autism) is so much worse than I am and my symptoms were much less obvious in comparison. I am much happier now, knowing that it is not through my own lack of effort that I have these problems. I have talked to my parents separately about it, but they completely reject the idea. :( I am self-diagnosed (with plenty of proof, as you can see in my signature), but I hope to get an official diagnosis soon after I talk with my school counselor. Have you tried taking some of the online tests available? There is a good list on here in one of the forums...


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29 Nov 2013, 3:28 pm

JSBACHlover wrote:
Hey, man, sorry about that. I know there are a lot of gay Aspies out there. I was trying to be a little bit funny, so I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings.


I never did take offense. I actually found it quite funny! And the feeling of "coming out" as an aspie has felt similar to coming out gay.



abbyrose00
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01 Dec 2013, 4:57 pm

Thanks so much for the help!!
I have a lot to consider now.

(p.s. In reference to the gay jokes, I almost titled my original post "coming out as an aspie" because that's what it feels like! :) )



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01 Dec 2013, 5:05 pm

abbyrose00 wrote:
(p.s. In reference to the gay jokes, I almost titled my original post "coming out as an aspie" because that's what it feels like! :) )


It's not so un-alike. You pass as undetectable (well,, more or less) and are constantly having to come out one way or the other. (This doesn't county if you are 100 per cent camp, or unable to look people in the eyes etc, in which case 'coming out' may not be necessarily applicable).



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01 Dec 2013, 7:10 pm

Why do you want to tell them?

(That's not a snarky question. It's relevant for how I would answer.)



WarWraith
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01 Dec 2013, 7:19 pm

Moop wrote:
JSBACHlover wrote:
Hey, man, sorry about that. I know there are a lot of gay Aspies out there. I was trying to be a little bit funny, so I apologize if I hurt anyone's feelings.


I never did take offense. I actually found it quite funny! And the feeling of "coming out" as an aspie has felt similar to coming out gay.


I've had many thoughts about that, and I'd also noticed a lot of the similarities, but thought it might be offensive to some of my gay friends if I were to write a blog post about the similarities, so I haven't.


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