Unconditional acceptance

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I increasingly feel like an alien even on here and want to see if anyone at all can relate to this pattern of thinking.

 Somehow, I have absolutely NO ability to judge people or their actions. I inherently accept anybody, regardless of his or her communication style or actions. I see people by their individual actions and I can draw patterns from what they do, but I do so at face value without any judgement. My encounters with people become raw stories that are recorded in my memory; I can extrapolate from them a little bit to predict what the person will do in the future, but at the same time, I am aware that these are only probabilities. I have trouble putting emotional labels on things because everything is contextual and circumstantial.

The only thing that ever really elicits negative emotion in me is when people do something that is clearly intentionally mean, such as gossiping behind my back or making global negative judgements of me or my actions.

I pretty much accept myself the same way. I mostly just am, in the moment. Sometimes I scrutinize my appearance or certain other aspects of myself I don’t like much, but I can accept everything about myself that I cannot change, and just work with these characteristics using a cost-benefit analysis.

This is why I feel I don’t mesh with society. People continuously want to elicit global judgements from me about others, about events that happen in my life, etc. I am literally unable to make global apperceptions or conclusions about anything. I want to just engage in details, without any fudging or concealment, because I don’t take anything personally or attach emotional value to any objective fact. I don't understand social prescriptivism or courtesy rules because they entail expectation that doesn't always apply.It doesn’t bother me when people ask me honest, concrete questions about anything that is a fact that I can state is true with confidence. Sometimes I use words that people seem to attach negative connotations to, but to me, they are not negative but usually neutral.

Can anybody else relate to this at all? Or am I the only one who thinks this way?

Last edited by MathGirl on 08 Feb 2014, 1:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

No you're not the only one. I am also like that.

Thanks. I previously thought it was an autism thing, but now I realize that I need to seek out a more narrow group of people in order to truly find mutual understanding in a non-threatening environment.

bumping thread

Thanks. Got nothing to say to it? I can't quite figure out why I'm this way and would like guidance on that. I just feel too alone and too different.

I can relate to that. The only people I have trouble tolerating are people who are intolerant and judgmental of others. Otherwise, live and let live!

Exactly! Those people who try to police other people's behaviour because it's not "socially acceptable", "appropriate" etc.

I can't relate at all. I am definitely not unconditionally accepting.

edit

Last edited by wornlight on 08 Feb 2014, 6:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.

My ideas ...

1. The sub-type autistic group of "pattern thinkers" are good at math. You may be in that group.

2. The other sub-groups might think differently than you. This may explain why you don't feel you "connect" with some other WP members.

3. I would be categorized as a "pattern thinker". However, I see the description is more aptly described as "categorical deconstruction" i.e., my mind natural wants to find the the inherent detailed patterns in things. The "pattern" in real life is the "order" of events. So, I find myself saying, "I find the order in the world".

For example, I notice when I go to Subway that I am asked if I want cheese before being asked if I want my bread toasted about 95% of the time. There is "Subway pattern" but it could also be described as "order" of the world, or what the brain activity of "categorical deconstruction" to deconstruct what I observe into detail and categorize that detail.

A few people have called me a "conspiracist" because I find the "hidden order" to things, and bring it their attention. Also, I am able to amuse them by providing related information that is of the same pattern to what they are talking about - however is in a different context.

4. I think you do judge people. I think what you are saying is that you don't pre-judge people. Pre-judgement is probably offensive to your mind cause it would be like making an assumption.

What is pattern thinking? It sounds like the exact opposite of what the OP described: not seeing patterns in behavior, only judging each separate circumstance.

She wrote: "I see people by their individual actions and I can draw patterns from what they do".

She wrote: "I increasingly feel like an alien even on here and want to see if anyone at all can relate to this pattern of thinking"

She wrote: "predict what the person will do in the future"

Pattern Thinking ...
http://www.cornell.edu/video/autism-and ... rn-thinker

Yeah, I can relate to this. I don't think I judge emotionally, I just compare things in a logical, pattern-based way. I've always related to temple's way of thinking, but not completely (I don't easily categorize or learn names for categories).

I can I can understand if you feel like an alien on here ..

1. I think most people here are concerned with right or wrong determinations.

2. However, I am concerned with further understanding the pattern , or "order" of things.

I made about three different threads about "pattern thinking" i.e., seeing order in the world, and on the last one the WP members here questioned whether I even have autism or could I have OCD instead.
(For clarification: I have been diagnosed by seven doctors so far, and one is an autism specialist).

It is nice to see a common thinker.

I'm like this too, MathGirl. I really think its an autism thing, or at least to the degree you describe, its not possible without a touch of it. But there's a good chance I'm wrong, because I really don't know.

The reason I'm like this is because I've had such a tough time figuring out what I should be doing that I've spent a great amount of time paying attention to how things are, just so I can figure out from there what I should be doing. Hurting others or putting them down has never helped me, and unless I assume the role of court jester or something, it probably won't in the future. I enjoy figuring out how things work, so naturally after spending my time observing, I just go from there. Why would it be necessary to re-invent what I see in my own image, when I have no big hungry ego to feed? I have the things I need, so I don't need to dump my unfulfilled wants into that mental pit. Accepting things as I find them is much, much easier and far more accurate than being stupid for the purpose of social acceptance and knowing my role amongst the group. My self-esteem does not depend on group approval, so while this means I'll never be popular, it also means I'll never be held hostage either. Its hard enough figuring out what I'm supposed to be afraid of in the first place. What are people gonna do, reject me? People have a hard enough time "figuring me out" because there's nothing to figure out. What you see is what you get, which is hard for many people to accept for some reason.

Yes I can relate to everything you said, not that I am exactly like you described but very similar. I can judge people but it's not natural to me and I have to pretty much force myself to do it. It's like a last resort option for me when nothing else makes sense. I can predict what most people will do by noticing the patterns of their behavior. If a person is highly unpredictable, and/or if their behavior affects me in a very hurtful way, I feel like I have no other choice but to judge them.