The rules of handshaking

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I've just dropped my car off to be serviced. At the end of talking to the guy about the work that needs doing, he held his hand out and I thought he wanted to shake hands (he held his hand out like he wanted to) so I shook his hand. I then found out he was actually holding his hand out for me to give him my car keys. How embarrassing.

This has been one thing that has perplexed and embarrassed me for many years. What are the rules on this? Do neurotypicals know this stuff or do they get it wrong too?
How can I tell in future?

not a huge mistake. wouldn't worry about it.

These days, because concerns about disease, many people, especially of the younger generation "fist pump" rather than shake hands. I prefer a good, old-fashioned, firm handshake. People from outside the United States tend to prefer a less-firm handshake.

Shaking hands is somewhat formal these days. Good friends, especially of the younger generation, tend to give each other "bump-hugs." They bump shoulders on both sides (so it seems to me). I prefer a handshake; I don't like to hug people I don't know well. I go along with it for the sake of social harmony. Sometimes, a nod of the head, plus a "thank you," serves the role of a handshake--an acknowledgement of a job well done.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 04 Apr 2014, 5:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've done that very thing, more than once.

Honestly I probably would've done the same thing that you did. I would've taken the extended hand as a way of indicating agreement between both parties of the deal made to service the vehicle as was just discussed.

I think we have a tendency to over analyze our embarrassing moments, when the other party is likely to just brush it off pretty quickly.

I was in my mid-teens before I even knew you're supposed to hold out your right hand to shake it. I'm left handed, both my parents are lefties, and for some reason no one ever told me that you are supposed to use your non-sinister hand.

People who live east of Europe, and west of the Pacific, tend to believe, even if they don't actually use it for such, that the left hand is used to toilet functions--hence, it is "dirty." Up until the 1960's or so, there were many instances of teachers, parents, and other authorities attempting to change the handedness of left-handed children.

Do what my tech supervisor does, look at you blankly and just say "Nice to see you too."

I had a career class in middle school and one of the things they did was teach us all how to shake hands so we would do well in job interviews. It's usually done in formal situations, and the other person will hold out their hand sideways, while if someone wanted your keys/other things I'd imagine they held their hands with the palm facing upwards. It's an honest mistake, though, that even an NT would do, so don't beat yourself up over it. But, for future reference, the rules of shaking hands are:

Make eye contact while doing so

Smile and try to look friendly

Firmly grasp their hand, but do not hurt them.

It lasts about 2 seconds. Longer than that it gets awkward.

In the event of trying extra hard to establish trust between you and the person you're shaking hands with, place your left hand on their arm near their elbow. I have no idea why but it's what people do- politicians especially.

I'd imagine everyone has made this or a similar mistake at some point in their life. Its best to just laugh it off as it relieves the slight awkwardness.

I was thinking the same thing.


I haven't done that mistake myself, but I was once talking to someone at the employment bureau and she was holding some brochures I was eager to look at. I held out my hand to receive them. She gave me a puzzled look and then she put the brochures in her left hand and tried to shake my hand. I was only focused on the leaflets so I removed my hand and followed the brochures.
She misunderstood my intent, but it was probably wrong of me to remove my hand. I wasn't dissing her, my focus was only on the brochures I hoped held opportunity for me.


I find shaking hands natural, I have done so in somewhat formal settings since I was 12.