Slashdot and aspergers discussion
19 Feb 2007, 10:23 pm
They definitely could do that, but if they did convince the shrink then the shrink would diagnose them as AS or HFA or whatever and they wouldn't fit into the category of "Self-diagnosed" anymore. They'd be in the worst category of "fakers that steal money" but you couldn't call them "self-diagnosed" after a doctor diagnoses them.
19 Feb 2007, 11:10 pm
I never cleaned anything, he did it. If he tried to have me help, he put a stop to it because "it wasn't right." "NO, you can only wash four items of clothing at a time or it wrinkles and isn't clean." My response would just be, whatever. Do what you want. So he did. He did it all. And when he did, he created more and more rules and became more and more rigid. He was creating more and more patterns he felt he had to follow. So, the predisposition now becomes a full blown disorder. It finally got to the point that he woke me up at 2 A.M. because the linen closet was in disorder and I just wouldn't help him. The towels probably weren't exactly squared or however many inches apart. I don't know. I told him, There's drugs for people like you and if you wake me up at 2 A.M. again over something so stupid, I will kill you and you won't have to worry about the linen closet ever again. (I'm not the sympathetic one in the relationship, obviously.) So, at that point he decides he has a problem and goes to get it diagnosed. He's still OCD and still over the top, but he can go to work and deal with me and have a life outside of cleaning the tile grout with a particular style of toothbrush.
The moral of the story is that if he married someone with an opinion, he probably would not have reached that point. Then again, he might have been divorced because she messed up his order.
Anyway, that was the description the Pyschiatrist gave him if that helps.
I have a label of OCD (had it since childhood) and also of dysthymia (chronic depression) - and sensory issues - that is why I say I was labeled around the spectrum before there was a label of AS. The thing is though that while OCD can wax and wane in severity - it is different than some who say they have a little bit of it. Which usually means that they just like things a certain way or whatever. It really doesn't have anything to do with it being a disorder for them or interfering in their ability to function.
One doctor told me the nice thing about people with OCD is that they get to drive others around them crazy also (lol). Of course that was completely insulting - but that's psychiatrists for you. And meds DO NOT help alot of people with OCD. The meds only make a small difference for many - some have great results but the impression that people have is there is a pill to take care of the OCD and that isn't true. Same with CBT - it works for some but not for others. Also - shows like Monk are cute, but a severe OCD can really be quite complex and not like it is portrayed on TV.
19 Feb 2007, 11:24 pm
He's not on meds now. They didn't help.
I think the beauty of us is that he doesn't drive me at all crazy (except waking me up that time over the linen closet). For the most part, I really don't notice all of his routines. I like things orderly and minimalist so the way he lives makes me feel very calm. That has always been the case. He did drive his mother crazy. She used to ask me how I stood it. Actually, I feel terribly spoiled because he takes care of everything. But, if he had to live with someone else, it would be a disaster. No way would he let them pick out furniture or a painting or anything else. That would not happen. He has really good taste though. I love everything in our house. He's good at picking out things he thinks I will like.
And if he could be OCD and live with me when I had a long haired white dog and cat at the same time, the guy deserves a gold medal.
I didn't find Monk at all to be accurate, did you?
19 Feb 2007, 11:51 pm
I think the beauty of us is that he doesn't drive me at all crazy (except waking me up that time over the linen closet). For the most part, I really don't notice all of his routines. I like things orderly and minimalist so the way he lives makes me feel very calm. That has always been the case. He did drive his mother crazy. She used to ask me how I stood it. Actually, I feel terribly spoiled because he takes care of everything. But, if he had to live with someone else, it would be a disaster. No way would he let them pick out furniture or a painting or anything else. That would not happen. He has really good taste though. I love everything in our house. He's good at picking out things he thinks I will like.
And if he could be OCD and live with me when I had a long haired white dog and cat at the same time, the guy deserves a gold medal.
I didn't find Monk at all to be accurate, did you?
I have only watched Monk once or twice. I didn't find it accurate either - at least not the episode I watched where he jumped into a sewer. I thought it would be highly unlikely. It makes it seem like OCD is something that a person can just turn on and off when convenient. My husband enjoys watching the show though.
20 Feb 2007, 12:11 am
I think the beauty of us is that he doesn't drive me at all crazy (except waking me up that time over the linen closet). For the most part, I really don't notice all of his routines. I like things orderly and minimalist so the way he lives makes me feel very calm. That has always been the case. He did drive his mother crazy. She used to ask me how I stood it. Actually, I feel terribly spoiled because he takes care of everything. But, if he had to live with someone else, it would be a disaster. No way would he let them pick out furniture or a painting or anything else. That would not happen. He has really good taste though. I love everything in our house. He's good at picking out things he thinks I will like.
And if he could be OCD and live with me when I had a long haired white dog and cat at the same time, the guy deserves a gold medal.
I didn't find Monk at all to be accurate, did you?
I have only watched Monk once or twice. I didn't find it accurate either - at least not the episode I watched where he jumped into a sewer. I thought it would be highly unlikely. It makes it seem like OCD is something that a person can just turn on and off when convenient. My husband enjoys watching the show though.
Some people here HAVE said they have done the same sort of thing. I HATE talking to strangers on the phone. HECK, I hate talking to most of my family, but I STRUGGLE. I manage. MONK did the same. He HATED going into that sewer. He CONSTANTLY struggled, but he managed it. At one point, his attendant kept egging him on!
HELL, I HATE shaking hands, but have to. I try to avoid it, use hand sanitizer, etc... But I manage. Just last sunday, I asked for a towel, and stopped drinking my half drunk coke. I went thirsty. WHY??? Because some idiot spilled "just water" all over me. He was coughing constantly, and I ended up moving. I doubt that was "just water".
BTW my stubborn streak USED to be so strong that I would STARVE for a day, or never have lunch out, because of idiots at restaurants. I can't even eat half the sandwiches I get half way because they aren't done to my standards.(All I ask is that they comply with food laws in place since at least the 50s, but does ANY place comply? Even the "employees must wash hands" signs are IGNORED!) Still, I at least eat enough to survive.
OCD is bad, etc... But will power and the need to achieve a goal is ALWAYS there and may fight it.
Steve
20 Feb 2007, 12:16 am
No need to reserve that right for those with OCD. A great majority of mental disorders drive the people around you crazy too. (I know all my mental issues drive my husband crazy sometimes.)
You don't have to have AS to get a Psychiatric Service Dog. You can get one for pretty much ANY mental condition, but you've got to have a doctor who backs you up on it (which is true if the dog is for AS or any other disorder).
20 Feb 2007, 12:51 am
I think the beauty of us is that he doesn't drive me at all crazy (except waking me up that time over the linen closet). For the most part, I really don't notice all of his routines. I like things orderly and minimalist so the way he lives makes me feel very calm. That has always been the case. He did drive his mother crazy. She used to ask me how I stood it. Actually, I feel terribly spoiled because he takes care of everything. But, if he had to live with someone else, it would be a disaster. No way would he let them pick out furniture or a painting or anything else. That would not happen. He has really good taste though. I love everything in our house. He's good at picking out things he thinks I will like.
And if he could be OCD and live with me when I had a long haired white dog and cat at the same time, the guy deserves a gold medal.
I didn't find Monk at all to be accurate, did you?
I have only watched Monk once or twice. I didn't find it accurate either - at least not the episode I watched where he jumped into a sewer. I thought it would be highly unlikely. It makes it seem like OCD is something that a person can just turn on and off when convenient. My husband enjoys watching the show though.
Some people here HAVE said they have done the same sort of thing. I HATE talking to strangers on the phone. HECK, I hate talking to most of my family, but I STRUGGLE. I manage. MONK did the same. He HATED going into that sewer. He CONSTANTLY struggled, but he managed it. At one point, his attendant kept egging him on!
HELL, I HATE shaking hands, but have to. I try to avoid it, use hand sanitizer, etc... But I manage. Just last sunday, I asked for a towel, and stopped drinking my half drunk coke. I went thirsty. WHY??? Because some idiot spilled "just water" all over me. He was coughing constantly, and I ended up moving. I doubt that was "just water".
BTW my stubborn streak USED to be so strong that I would STARVE for a day, or never have lunch out, because of idiots at restaurants. I can't even eat half the sandwiches I get half way because they aren't done to my standards.(All I ask is that they comply with food laws in place since at least the 50s, but does ANY place comply? Even the "employees must wash hands" signs are IGNORED!) Still, I at least eat enough to survive.
OCD is bad, etc... But will power and the need to achieve a goal is ALWAYS there and may fight it.
Steve
People with OCD defintely have willpower and often are fighting against it - I guess I thought that Monk episode just portrayed that very flippantly like it was not as big of a choice for him. I also don't think they showed the level of anxiety that most likely would have come after that. Like even maybe effecting him wanting to go out and chase people again. Of course all that is hard to show on TV and it is a comedy show.
20 Feb 2007, 11:55 am
Yeah, the Monk anxiety is hokey (sp?). It's not at all true to life. This is real life OCD and what it does. This is also the comedy of errors that happens when you have NT/OCD living with AS.
So NT/OCD husband was working mega hours for months on this IT project. As a result, some things he did just weren't getting done because it takes him so long to do everything according to his rules and rituals. One of these was the lawn. Now, you know it was getting bad if I noticed it, but I'm allergic to the grass here in FL, so that contributed and the fact that I suddenly had to be the one to get the mail, so I walked near it. Anyway, I thought I would be nice and thoughtful for a change when a lawn service left a flyer in our door. It's grass, it needs to be cut, no big deal. Oh my GOD! I didn't know there was a whole grass rule book in his head. I set up the appt and lawn dude comes and mows and trims and all that good stuff. I come home and think, good, the grass is short and we won't get into trouble with the Home Owner's Association. WRONG!
He gets home about an hour later and takes forever to get inside. By now, I've forgotten said grass and am blissfully unaware of the world while immersed in Faulkner (Rage and Blow! It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury...) You get the idea. I'm all in my happy, secure space (in other words I'm oblivious), when he comes in. I look up from my book with my typical deer in the headlights look because even I can feel the OCD agitation coming off him like some living beast. He comes over and says, "Baby, you need to come outside and LOOK AT THIS!" I have no idea what THIS is because I've long since forgotten the now short lawn. But, I get up and follow him because obviously something BAD has happened and he needs attention and support right now (even I get this emotional need).
So, I get marched outside and he says, "Look at this!" I look, see nothing and he gets the blank look. (Flame thrower on gasoline alert) He says, "Look at it!" I look again. In the meantime, all the neighbors are out now wondering what I am supposed to be seeing and marveling over the fact that he actually does have a wife and not some made up being who never leaves the house. By now, I am frustrated, so I say, "I don't know what you are talking about!" He says, "You have to get down on your hands and knees and look at the blades of grass!" So, I do and I look. All I see is grass and it's short. Now, the neighbors are really interested because normally quiet and neat neighbor is clearly having a nervous breakdown in the driveway right in front of them. It's bigtime NT drama!
I say, "I don't see anything. I have no idea what you are looking at." Now, I am getting really irritated that MY Faulkner has been ruined over grass! At this point, I want all grass dead within a hundred miles so it never bothers me or Faulkner again. He, meanwhile is almost apoplectic and says, "They didn't sharpen the blade between every cut." I say, "What are you talking about? What blade?" (Okay, now we're seeing why this is not working out. I have no idea about the dynamics of grass cutting at all. No clue as to how it happens.) So, I get this ten minute dissertation about grass cutting and how the blade must be sharpened each time so that jagged ends on blades of grass are avoided. Furthermore, we will have to replace the whole lawn because it has been ruined by lawn dude. Then, I have to march over to see the marks on all the bushes and trees where lawn dude was so inept that he used a mechanized weed whacker with a plastic whip instead of hand trimming everything as he was supposed to do. I have to go look at the offending weed whacker marks on our fence which will now have to be replaced and which he has worked so hard for YEARS to maintain in it's pristine glory.
And, of course, after all of this OCD outburst, I have shut down because I'm now in massive emotional and loud voice overload so I say, "I don't care! The grass is short. If you have to keep working long hours, the blades will be jagged and the fence, shrubs and trees scarred! That is just how it will be!" Then, I march into the house and have to go to bed because I'm in emotional overload. He has to go sit in his chair and is practically catatonic over the jagged blades of grass and weed whacker marks incident.
Usually things work out for us because I know all the inside rules. We just hit a snag. But, this is what happens to an OCD person. They don't just decide that jagged blades of grass are okay and it's over. It's a major ordeal. ANY change in their routines or rules is a major ordeal. He makes me look extremely flexible by comparison. Plus, their minds seek out these things, so it's a constant battle to be on guard against creating even more rules and routines. It's kind of like, by the time they figure out they are doing it, they have already done it.
Last edited by ZanneMarie on 21 Feb 2007, 6:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
20 Feb 2007, 12:28 pm
So NT/OCD husband was working mega hours for months on this IT project. As a result, some things he did just weren't getting done because it takes him so long to do everything according to his rules and rituals. One of these was the lawn. Now, you know it was getting bad if I noticed it, but I'm allergic to the grass here in FL, so that contributed and the fact that I suddenly had to be the one to get the mail, so I walked near it. Anyway, I thought I would be nice and thoughtful for a change when a lawn service left a flyer in our door. It's grass, it needs to be cut, no big deal. Oh my GOD! I didn't know there was a whole grass rule book in his head. I set up the appt and lawn dude comes and mows and trims and all that good stuff. I come home and think, good, the grass is short and we won't get into trouble with the Home Owner's Association. WRONG!
He gets home about an hour later and takes forever to get inside. By now, I've forgotten said grass and am blissfully unaware of the world while immersed in Faulkner (Rage and Blow! It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury...) You get the idea. I'm all in my happy, secure space (in other words I'm oblivious), when he comes in. I look up from my book with my typical deer in the headlights look because even I can feel the OCD agitation coming off him like some living beast. He comes over and says, "Baby, you need to come outside and LOOK AT THIS!" I have no idea what THIS is because I've long since forgotten the now short lawn. But, I get up and follow him because obviously something BAD has happened and he needs attention and support right now (even I get this emotional need).
So, I get marched outside and he says, "Look at this!" I look, see nothing and he gets the blank look. (Flame thrower on gasoline alert) He says, "Look at it!" I look again. In the meantime, all the neighbors are out now wondering what I am supposed to be seeing and marveling over the fact that he actually does have a wife and not some made up being who never leaves the house. By now, I am frustrated, so I say, "I don't know what you are talking about!" He says, "You have to get down on your hands and knees and look at the blades of grass!" So, I do and I look. All I see is grass and it's short. Now, the neighbors are really interested because normally quite and neat neighbor is clearly having a nervous breakdown in the driveway right in front of them. It's bigtime NT drama!
I say, "I don't see anything. I have no idea what you are looking at." Now, I am getting really irritated that MY Faulkner has been ruined over grass! At this point, I want all grass dead within a hundred miles so it never bothers me or Faulkner again. He, meanwhile is almost apoplectic and says, "They didn't sharpen the blade between every cut." I say, "What are you talking about? What blade?" (Okay, now we're seeing why this is not working out. I have no idea about the dynamics of grass cutting at all. No clue as to how it happens.) So, I get this ten minute dissertation about grass cutting and how the blade must be sharpened each time so that jagged ends on blades of grass are avoided. Furthermore, we will have to replace the whole lawn because it has been ruined by lawn dude. Then, I have to march over to see the marks on all the bushes and trees where lawn dude was so inept that he used a mechanized weed whacker with a plastic whip instead of hand trimming everything as he was supposed to do. I have to go look at the offending weed whacker marks on our fence which will now have to be replaced and which he has worked so hard for YEARS to maintain in it's pristine glory.
And, of course, after all of this OCD outburst, I have shut down because I'm now in massive emotional and loud voice overload so I say, "I don't care! The grass is short. If you have to keep working long hours, the blades will be jagged and the fence, shrubs and trees scarred! That is just how it will be!" Then, I march into the house and have to go to bed because I'm in emotional overload. He has to go sit in his chair and is practically catatonic over the jagged blades of grass and weed whacker marks incident.
Usually things work out for us because I know all the inside rules. We just hit a snag. But, this is what happens to an OCD person. They don't just decide that jagged blades of grass are okay and it's over. It's a major ordeal. ANY change in their routines or rules is a major ordeal. He makes me look extremely flexible by comparison. Plus, their minds seek out these things, so it's a constant battle to be on guard against creating even more rules and routines. It's kind of like, by the time they figure out they are doing it, they have already done it.
I have to laugh because of your description of the lawn issues. We had something similar here - except it was the dishwasher and someone "helping" actually put all the dishes in there at the same time completely ignoring strict dish washing protocal (lol). It often seems to me that OCD gives you this hyperfocus and one of the things is it is frustrasting because other people don't notice all this stuff and do get to be blissfully unaware.
20 Feb 2007, 1:04 pm
Oh, well see you could use dishwasher. He didn't believe they ever got the dishes clean so he has these meticulous dishwashing rules he follows. The bad thing is that I don't care about any of this stuff. When he met me, I had to be reminded to eat, pay bills, etc. I was unaware of almost everything outside my interests. The good part of that is that he would put food in front of me and I would eat it, so I didn't break the food preparation rules, what to eat rules and clean up rules. I followed the bill rules and I would dutifully show up when he announced it was time to do bills and watch. I still do all these things. So, while I may not do them, I never rock the rule and routine boat. I also don't feak out. I know most women would never be able to live with him (hardly any man could live with me either), but I do ok because of that just makes me feel more calm. Everything in that external environment outside my head stays the same all the time. I love that!
But, you are right about hyperfocus (and also hyper pattern-seeking). He uses that trait in his job and he is very good. His bosses always love him. They just don't realize that it carries over into everything else. And you are so right that other people do not notice. They don't notice OCD people up all night worried about the linen closet being in disorder because one towel is out of line and the whole thing is not perfectly squared any longer. When your focus is that intense, it's very hard to pull back and see it for what it is and change. It's a constant struggle.
20 Feb 2007, 1:22 pm
So NT/OCD husband was working mega hours for months on this IT project. As a result, some things he did just weren't getting done because it takes him so long to do everything according to his rules and rituals. One of these was the lawn. Now, you know it was getting bad if I noticed it, but I'm allergic to the grass here in FL, so that contributed and the fact that I suddenly had to be the one to get the mail, so I walked near it. Anyway, I thought I would be nice and thoughtful for a change when a lawn service left a flyer in our door. It's grass, it needs to be cut, no big deal. Oh my GOD! I didn't know there was a whole grass rule book in his head. I set up the appt and lawn dude comes and mows and trims and all that good stuff. I come home and think, good, the grass is short and we won't get into trouble with the Home Owner's Association. WRONG!
He gets home about an hour later and takes forever to get inside. By now, I've forgotten said grass and am blissfully unaware of the world while immersed in Faulkner (Rage and Blow! It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury...) You get the idea. I'm all in my happy, secure space (in other words I'm oblivious), when he comes in. I look up from my book with my typical deer in the headlights look because even I can feel the OCD agitation coming off him like some living beast. He comes over and says, "Baby, you need to come outside and LOOK AT THIS!" I have no idea what THIS is because I've long since forgotten the now short lawn. But, I get up and follow him because obviously something BAD has happened and he needs attention and support right now (even I get this emotional need).
So, I get marched outside and he says, "Look at this!" I look, see nothing and he gets the blank look. (Flame thrower on gasoline alert) He says, "Look at it!" I look again. In the meantime, all the neighbors are out now wondering what I am supposed to be seeing and marveling over the fact that he actually does have a wife and not some made up being who never leaves the house. By now, I am frustrated, so I say, "I don't know what you are talking about!" He says, "You have to get down on your hands and knees and look at the blades of grass!" So, I do and I look. All I see is grass and it's short. Now, the neighbors are really interested because normally quite and neat neighbor is clearly having a nervous breakdown in the driveway right in front of them. It's bigtime NT drama!
I say, "I don't see anything. I have no idea what you are looking at." Now, I am getting really irritated that MY Faulkner has been ruined over grass! At this point, I want all grass dead within a hundred miles so it never bothers me or Faulkner again. He, meanwhile is almost apoplectic and says, "They didn't sharpen the blade between every cut." I say, "What are you talking about? What blade?" (Okay, now we're seeing why this is not working out. I have no idea about the dynamics of grass cutting at all. No clue as to how it happens.) So, I get this ten minute dissertation about grass cutting and how the blade must be sharpened each time so that jagged ends on blades of grass are avoided. Furthermore, we will have to replace the whole lawn because it has been ruined by lawn dude. Then, I have to march over to see the marks on all the bushes and trees where lawn dude was so inept that he used a mechanized weed whacker with a plastic whip instead of hand trimming everything as he was supposed to do. I have to go look at the offending weed whacker marks on our fence which will now have to be replaced and which he has worked so hard for YEARS to maintain in it's pristine glory.
And, of course, after all of this OCD outburst, I have shut down because I'm now in massive emotional and loud voice overload so I say, "I don't care! The grass is short. If you have to keep working long hours, the blades will be jagged and the fence, shrubs and trees scarred! That is just how it will be!" Then, I march into the house and have to go to bed because I'm in emotional overload. He has to go sit in his chair and is practically catatonic over the jagged blades of grass and weed whacker marks incident.
Usually things work out for us because I know all the inside rules. We just hit a snag. But, this is what happens to an OCD person. They don't just decide that jagged blades of grass are okay and it's over. It's a major ordeal. ANY change in their routines or rules is a major ordeal. He makes me look extremely flexible by comparison. Plus, their minds seek out these things, so it's a constant battle to be on guard against creating even more rules and routines. It's kind of like, by the time they figure out they are doing it, they have already done it.
WOW, and I thought I was bad. At least I was PAYING, and eating, etc... As for staying up if towel ends aren't square, I did that kind of thing for shirts(wrinkles), books out of the case(possible damage time wasted), food(bad taste/disease), other things out of place(possible damage, loss, time wasted), bills(bad credit,etc...). For the lawn, that sounds crazy. Rabbits and groundhogs have EATEN some of my grass. I have to live with that.
Steve
20 Feb 2007, 1:26 pm
But, you are right about hyperfocus (and also hyper pattern-seeking). He uses that trait in his job and he is very good. His bosses always love him. They just don't realize that it carries over into everything else. And you are so right that other people do not notice. They don't notice OCD people up all night worried about the linen closet being in disorder because one towel is out of line and the whole thing is not perfectly squared any longer. When your focus is that intense, it's very hard to pull back and see it for what it is and change. It's a constant struggle.
I only put certain dishes in the dishwasher - and all dishes are actually washed before they go in there (lol). And I often toss things that I consider unable to be cleaned suffciently - like those annoying plastic containers. Plastic can not be sterilized. So depending on what things are used for - and my husband went to school to be a chef so he LOVES to cook all these complicated meals - there is a dish washing pecking order that must be adhered to. I also take issue with some of these cheap metal utensils he likes to buy that are made in China so who knows what safety standards they meet. So when he cooks a big meal I have all this work to do that no one really sees as necessary because it is simple to just toss everything in the dishwasher. Of course I do the same thing with the laundry too. Funny thing though is that most people think that those with OCD are sort of Felix Unger types, but with all the rules it is hard to get everything accomplished the way you want it so you get behind on tasks or seem disorganized. Then you get depressed about it.
20 Feb 2007, 2:28 pm
Oh my God! You do not know the plastic rule??? For shame. No plastic ever. Some well meaning relatives gave us tupperware for our wedding present and he threw it all out. That's when I got the big "no plastic ever because it contains carcinogens." Plastic is right up there with carpet. Just say no to carpet.
The laundry rule is that if you put more than four things at a time in the washing machine they don't get clean and they are wrinkled. See, I remember his rule. My rule is, I'm shoving as much as I can in there and don't care if I put reds in with whites. I don't have time for this crap. So, if it bugs you then you do the laundry. We hit that one while we living together. LOL
All kidding aside, I live with his anxiety that he cannot get everything done because it takes so much time for him to do it. And doing it right and according to his rules gives him so much pleasure. Knowing about unique obssessions that give you pleasure (I have my own), I have tons of sympathy for that anxiety. I just can't get pulled into it because those things don't give me any pleasure! What a comedy of errors, right?
20 Feb 2007, 2:31 pm
So NT/OCD husband was working mega hours for months on this IT project. As a result, some things he did just weren't getting done because it takes him so long to do everything according to his rules and rituals. One of these was the lawn. Now, you know it was getting bad if I noticed it, but I'm allergic to the grass here in FL, so that contributed and the fact that I suddenly had to be the one to get the mail, so I walked near it. Anyway, I thought I would be nice and thoughtful for a change when a lawn service left a flyer in our door. It's grass, it needs to be cut, no big deal. Oh my GOD! I didn't know there was a whole grass rule book in his head. I set up the appt and lawn dude comes and mows and trims and all that good stuff. I come home and think, good, the grass is short and we won't get into trouble with the Home Owner's Association. WRONG!
He gets home about an hour later and takes forever to get inside. By now, I've forgotten said grass and am blissfully unaware of the world while immersed in Faulkner (Rage and Blow! It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury...) You get the idea. I'm all in my happy, secure space (in other words I'm oblivious), when he comes in. I look up from my book with my typical deer in the headlights look because even I can feel the OCD agitation coming off him like some living beast. He comes over and says, "Baby, you need to come outside and LOOK AT THIS!" I have no idea what THIS is because I've long since forgotten the now short lawn. But, I get up and follow him because obviously something BAD has happened and he needs attention and support right now (even I get this emotional need).
So, I get marched outside and he says, "Look at this!" I look, see nothing and he gets the blank look. (Flame thrower on gasoline alert) He says, "Look at it!" I look again. In the meantime, all the neighbors are out now wondering what I am supposed to be seeing and marveling over the fact that he actually does have a wife and not some made up being who never leaves the house. By now, I am frustrated, so I say, "I don't know what you are talking about!" He says, "You have to get down on your hands and knees and look at the blades of grass!" So, I do and I look. All I see is grass and it's short. Now, the neighbors are really interested because normally quite and neat neighbor is clearly having a nervous breakdown in the driveway right in front of them. It's bigtime NT drama!
I say, "I don't see anything. I have no idea what you are looking at." Now, I am getting really irritated that MY Faulkner has been ruined over grass! At this point, I want all grass dead within a hundred miles so it never bothers me or Faulkner again. He, meanwhile is almost apoplectic and says, "They didn't sharpen the blade between every cut." I say, "What are you talking about? What blade?" (Okay, now we're seeing why this is not working out. I have no idea about the dynamics of grass cutting at all. No clue as to how it happens.) So, I get this ten minute dissertation about grass cutting and how the blade must be sharpened each time so that jagged ends on blades of grass are avoided. Furthermore, we will have to replace the whole lawn because it has been ruined by lawn dude. Then, I have to march over to see the marks on all the bushes and trees where lawn dude was so inept that he used a mechanized weed whacker with a plastic whip instead of hand trimming everything as he was supposed to do. I have to go look at the offending weed whacker marks on our fence which will now have to be replaced and which he has worked so hard for YEARS to maintain in it's pristine glory.
And, of course, after all of this OCD outburst, I have shut down because I'm now in massive emotional and loud voice overload so I say, "I don't care! The grass is short. If you have to keep working long hours, the blades will be jagged and the fence, shrubs and trees scarred! That is just how it will be!" Then, I march into the house and have to go to bed because I'm in emotional overload. He has to go sit in his chair and is practically catatonic over the jagged blades of grass and weed whacker marks incident.
Usually things work out for us because I know all the inside rules. We just hit a snag. But, this is what happens to an OCD person. They don't just decide that jagged blades of grass are okay and it's over. It's a major ordeal. ANY change in their routines or rules is a major ordeal. He makes me look extremely flexible by comparison. Plus, their minds seek out these things, so it's a constant battle to be on guard against creating even more rules and routines. It's kind of like, by the time they figure out they are doing it, they have already done it.
WOW, and I thought I was bad. At least I was PAYING, and eating, etc... As for staying up if towel ends aren't square, I did that kind of thing for shirts(wrinkles), books out of the case(possible damage time wasted), food(bad taste/disease), other things out of place(possible damage, loss, time wasted), bills(bad credit,etc...). For the lawn, that sounds crazy. Rabbits and groundhogs have EATEN some of my grass. I have to live with that.
Steve
Steve, you haven't even heard about the elaborate rituals to prune the plants and hedges and to clean the garage. Pattern seeking. Everything is just an opportunity to develop a rule and routine.
As bad as I am to live with, so is he. That's why we suit. We know this. We always joke that no one else could stand either one of us much less live with us.
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