Do you care less what aspies think of you?

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DevilKisses
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26 May 2014, 4:15 am

Whenever I'm around aspies I care a lot less about what they think of me. I still avoid hurting people's feelings, but I don't care if they think I'm socially inappropriate. I don't even think they would really notice or care if I did anything socially inappropriate. I just let myself say childish and off topic comments and kind of interrupt people. When I'm around NTs I really try to appear socially appropriate so they can treat me like an equal.


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Noetic
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26 May 2014, 4:58 am

I only care what people - anyone - think of me if what they think of me leads them to be in my face, confrontational etc. As long as I'm left on my own I don't care.



justkillingtime
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26 May 2014, 12:43 pm

Do you think aspies are less judgmental than NTs and you can more be yourself?


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Norny
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26 May 2014, 1:03 pm

I care just as much what Aspies think of me as I do any NT. I do admit though, it feels nice knowing that I'm not the only awkward person in conversation when it's not with an(other) NT.

justkillingtime wrote:
Do you think aspies are less judgmental than NTs and you can more be yourself?


While I wouldn't agree with that generalization overall, I feel this may be true regarding social performance as an Aspie either won't notice, or not really care for any blunders made. I've had a friend with Asperger's in the past whom was so stubborn that he formed incredibly negative judgements of others purely as a result of their disagreement with him. It doesn't go without saying though, that I have known my fair share of NT individuals that are very much the same as he was.

It mostly just comes down to personality.


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MrGrumpy
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26 May 2014, 1:06 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
Whenever I'm around aspies I care a lot less about what they think of me. I still avoid hurting people's feelings, but I don't care if they think I'm socially inappropriate. I don't even think they would really notice or care if I did anything socially inappropriate. I just let myself say childish and off topic comments and kind of interrupt people. When I'm around NTs I really try to appear socially appropriate so they can treat me like an equal.

DK - I have no known contact with other aspies, so it is hard to understand your question. When I first started to think about these things, I made contact with several 'groups' but, tbh, they were mostly a pain in the neck. You appear to be able to switch at will between Aspies and NTs - I can relate to NTs for a limited period of time, but eventually I have to give up the pretence. I never have to relate to other Aspies because I don't know any.

Except that the only person, apart from family, who I meet on anything approaching a regular basis is in my opinion even more disabled by ASD than I am. But on the couple of occasions that I have tried to discuss it with him, he simply refuses to take part.

The idea that there might be a 'sub-culture' of aspie-dom which does not need to care about inappropriate behaviour is just a little bit worrying.



MathGirl
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26 May 2014, 1:13 pm

I do care a lot what other aspies think of me. I don't like to stand out in a group where I feel I belong the most.


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DevilKisses
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26 May 2014, 1:57 pm

justkillingtime wrote:
Do you think aspies are less judgmental than NTs and you can more be yourself?

I don't think they're less judgmental, I just think they're less mentally capable of judging me.


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mezzanotte
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26 May 2014, 2:22 pm

DevilKisses wrote:
I just let myself say childish and off topic comments and kind of interrupt people.


Not cool...



DevilKisses
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26 May 2014, 3:45 pm

mezzanotte wrote:
DevilKisses wrote:
I just let myself say childish and off topic comments and kind of interrupt people.


Not cool...

Don't care. All of the aspies I talk to do the same.


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You are very likely neurotypical


snufkin
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26 May 2014, 4:37 pm

I haven't met a lot of aspies, but I've met some, and I've had several friends with ADD/ADHD.

I don't really care about what most people think about me, but when I'm around judgemental people I get very self conscious, because if I don't "behave" they will think badly of me, and that makes me feel very uncomfortable, no matter if I know/care about them or not. I don't know what they're thinking about me, but I feel their feelings towards me.

The thing I've noticed lately, since I've started to read more into ASD's and similar conditions, is that most of the people that do not judge me for being different actually have an ASD, ADD, ADHD or something of the sort themselves.

So, it's probably more common for odd people to tolerate oddness in other people than it is for "normal" people. Of course "normal" people also have their oddities, but they tend to suppress them in order to look normal, which often leads to projection, most often through the need to judge others in order to look good themselves. Although I think this also applies to aspies who are in denial that they are aspies, and/or have been indoctrinated by their surroundings to belive that any aspie behavior is "bad" or "wrong".

So, actually I think it has more to do with being conscious and accepting of one's own oddities than anything else. If you know who you are, you won't be as prone to judge others, and if you think that your own oddities are bad and needs to be suppressed, you will judge others by the same standards, aspie or not.

So yeah, I think it would probably be easier for me to hang around aspies than nt's in general, but I don't think it's really connected to the condition itself, but more about the persons attitude towards being "different". Also it's not that I "care" about what they will think of me, but more about the fact that if they think badly of me they are hurting me by projecting negative energy in my direction, which I am very sensitive to.



kraftiekortie
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26 May 2014, 6:48 pm

I try not to let people's opinions get to me. If it did, I wouldn't make progress in life.



justkillingtime
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26 May 2014, 7:00 pm

I get really angry when judgmental people make snide comments regarding something I said. So, I am very defensive when I am around those people.

I work in a psychiatric hospital and the psychotics usually tolerate oddness, social mistakes, confusion, etc. as long as it does not involve their delusional system.


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Dan_Undiagnosed
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26 May 2014, 8:10 pm

It's not that I care less it's just that when I'm on this site or with people irl that I assume are on the spectrum I feel like they will better empathise with me (ironically). I also expect them to apply critical thinking and if I'm completely honest there's also greater trust there because, being honest to a fault sometimes, you know what you get with spectrumites and you don't have to play NT mind games.



CJH123
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26 May 2014, 8:37 pm

I care what everybody thinks of me however I care less about how other aspies think of me apposed to NT's



Stargazer43
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26 May 2014, 8:52 pm

I wouldn't necessarily say that, but I do find that I care far less about my social skills when I am around other socially awkward people. I feel like I can be more at ease if I know that they are struggling just as much as I am with the social stuff, since it puts us on equal footing so to speak.



wblastyn
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26 May 2014, 9:00 pm

In social groups with aspies, I feel even more awkward because I've spent so long trying to adapt to NT's that when I meet someone who isn't one, I don't know what to do. I also think it's because social people can take up more slack in a conversation, taking the pressure off me, whereas it's harder for aspies to do that.

But one of the best experiences I've ever had was during a support group for aspies. I felt like I was able to talk about my difficulties with people who completely understood, and I could finally relax and drop my guard.