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SteelMaiden
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11 Oct 2014, 5:41 am

I have come to the realisation that I may need to make a friend locally. I have two friends but they both live 50+ miles away.

I made these two friends online as I am incompetent at making friends in real life situations.

My autism is not mild but it is not severe, moderate I'd say. I struggle badly with spoken communication, especially with strangers. I need support workers to help me do a lot of things, even though people say I'm extremely intelligent.

How do I make a friend locally?


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progaspie
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11 Oct 2014, 6:31 am

Don't suppose there is anyone at the Pharmacology College who you could make friends with? Sounds like you could do with some help with your studies from one of the other students there, even if it is from someone from one of the lower or higher classes.



MathGirl
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11 Oct 2014, 11:54 am

Do you really want to make a friend? From your previous posts, it seemed like you are completely happy with the limited amount of interaction you are currently getting.

I would suggest having a worker accompany you in some social situations, like with group work, and help you talk to people. It will likely take some planning in order to not feel nervous or have a meltdown, so you would need to discuss what you and your worker would be doing in such a situation ahead of time.


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Raleigh
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11 Oct 2014, 7:27 pm

I agree with MathGirl. Even the way you worded it - "I may *have to* make a friend" - suggests you're not going to enjoy the experience.
Why do you suddenly feel you need a friend close to you? Won't that just stress you out more?


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andrethemoogle
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11 Oct 2014, 7:30 pm

If you don't want friends, then you shouldn't feel like you have to make any.

I don't have any friends (aside from my parents) and neither do I want them. I'll be nice to people, but I don't want friends myself. Been betrayed and hurt too much in the past to depend on people.



Who_Am_I
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12 Oct 2014, 2:30 am

Why do you have to make a friend?


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Deano109
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12 Oct 2014, 6:10 am

Just a thought but how about joining a walking group? I've done that and there are a lot of people who spend a lot of time walking without chatting to anyone, but it could be a gentle way into getting to know someone. Lifts tend to be arranged. Maybe you could go along with a support worker. People would assume you were friends.



SteelMaiden
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12 Oct 2014, 1:46 pm

My dad said I should make some friends locally. My AS friend said I should make friends locally.

I don't really want to socialise, but I worry that not having anyone bar my mum (who is problematic) within 50 miles, would mean that in an emergency out of hours (i.e. weekend and night), I would be on my own to deal with it. For example, I'm petrified of the dark due to night blindness and mild ataxia, so if the were to be a power outage at, say, 19:00 on a Saturday, I'd be ****ed.

I could try a walking group, as that is exercise and exercise is good. Only problem is, what if somoene were to try to talk to me.

I love being on my own, but at the same time I need support and assistance outside office hours as well as during them. During office hours I have support workers and my mental health team.

There has got to be another solution that doesn't involve new friends.


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Raleigh
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12 Oct 2014, 3:02 pm

What about neighbours? I don't actually socialise with my neighbours much but we've helped each other out a few times during emergencies.


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SteelMaiden
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12 Oct 2014, 3:14 pm

Raleigh wrote:
What about neighbours? I don't actually socialise with my neighbours much but we've helped each other out a few times during emergencies.


That's a good idea. How would I introduce myself to them? I've only ever interacted with them when they held my parcels for me when they were posted to me while I was out.


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Raleigh
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12 Oct 2014, 3:32 pm

If you can't communicate with them verbally, maybe you could write a letter and ask whether they would be prepared to exchange phone numbers in case of emergency only. My neighbours did exactly that - gave me all their contact details in a letter shortly after we moved in.


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SteelMaiden
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12 Oct 2014, 4:07 pm

Raleigh wrote:
If you can't communicate with them verbally, maybe you could write a letter and ask whether they would be prepared to exchange phone numbers in case of emergency only. My neighbours did exactly that - gave me all their contact details in a letter shortly after we moved in.


Thanks, that's a really good idea.


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Raleigh
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12 Oct 2014, 4:51 pm

If you give them your mobile number in the letter you could ask them to text you if they agree. Then you will have their number with minimum face to face contact or having to speak on the phone.


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SteelMaiden
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13 Oct 2014, 8:12 am

That's a good way of doing it. Thanks.


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