Coffee with 5 friends

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Sorry in advance about being vague, but unsure how to get my feelings across or even what i want in this post.

Can a person be on the spectrum without defining traits? My daughter was diagnosed quickly enough once we decided it needed to happen, because of her 2 defining traits
1- tv adds and jingles recited 1000 x and 2- hand twirling and rapid flapping of her hands.

So can there be a diagnosis without definitive traits?

I'm asking for me. I am so reactive on little stress. I went out today and had coffee with 5 people and I cannot socialise with conviction of what I say in the group. I get this vibe from their facial expressions, everyone talks at once and I feel like i'm not believable or interesting. I feel stunted in that situation, and at home , it all flows so natural and smooth, but it never feels that way in the situation.

When I recount or just think of an event or a piece of information or text, I immediately by a split second think to a prior similarity of what i am recalling. But it evades me and nothing comes up. I dont know why this is. Its an automatic thing and out of my control. What I have written makes no sense.

If it is so that one can have aspergers without defining traits it would seem nearly impossible to diagnose. No? thoughts please.

One can have autistic traits without being on the spectrum and it would be quite likely you do considering you have a daughter on the spectrum. No, though, you can't have ASD/aspergers without meeting the criteria/defining traits.

Are there specific defining traits? and are there more than what I've been told of hand flapping and repetition talk. Thanks for your response, appreciated.