Do you have this problem when speaking?

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L_Holmes
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18 Jan 2015, 2:53 pm

Generally, the main problems I have which I think are probably more common are long pauses, speaking monotone, and not making eye contact.

Sometimes, though, if someone says something that catches me off-guard, usually because I wasn't expecting them to say anything in the first place, I get a bit flustered and start talking too quickly and saying everything that comes to my mind in response to what they said, down to the most unimportant details.

An example is, at work, my boss might ask me casually, "How are things going, are you getting a lot done?" First of all, it usually startles me pretty badly, and I'm not sure why, because he's not usually being loud or anything. So I will visibly jump, and then when I think about his question I just start naming off everything that I've been doing, down to the relatively unimportant details. I realize that's probably not what he is wanting, but I can't seem to avoid it.

Even if it's something simple, like someone saying something like, "Cool hat." rather than saying "thank you" like a normal person, I will start telling them where I got the hat, why I got it, why I wanted to wear it today, what it's made out of etc. I usually catch myself before I get too in detail about it, but still.

It's really hard for me to explain things without including every detail that comes to mind. People tend to get annoyed sometimes, because if for example I want to tell them about one part from a show I like, I feel like I need to give them the entire context or they won't really get it, and I usually end up basically giving them a description of the entire episode. Usually they don't find it funny or interesting anyway, and then I just feel stupid. It's hard for me to tell stories or recount events without including everything I remember.

Really, I do that in writing too. I feel like it's all important, and having to take anything out just irritates me, and it feels like it messes up everything else. That is why I tend to have longer posts here too, even after spending quite a while trying to shorten it, but I don't often see others doing this.


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kraftiekortie
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18 Jan 2015, 3:40 pm

I sometimes do what you do, too. I get nervous when someone speaks to me unexpectedly.

At least you're aware of it and can, eventually, edit it when you need to.

To most people, you would probably seem "nervous" if you do that.

I wouldn't worry about it too much, though. I would just think about it, so it gets into your head. If you let it bother you, you won't obtain results.

Eventually, what you thought about it will sink in, and your responses will be more "to the point" from the viewpoint of the person asking the question. It might be a gradual process, so it might be frustrating--but it will happen.



goldfish21
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19 Jan 2015, 5:16 am

Those are all AS traits. Probably fairly common around here.

I used to do all of those things a lot more/worse, but am now quite controlled at not rambling on impulsively w/ every though that enters my mind.

Like a broken record, I know, but I attribute my improvement w/ these and countless other traits to diet & probiotics.


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Ukguy
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19 Jan 2015, 1:12 pm

Everything you say I have similar issues with, especially eye contact and long pauses.

If someone asks me a question or says something I am not expecting I sometimes just can't answer, my brain freezes. If I feel stressed by a situation sometimes I simply don't or can't speak, I just walk away.

Explaining things to people is hard and if they don't 'get' what I am saying first time then I find it extremely difficult to adjust and tell them in a way they can understand.

I also tend to talk very quietly and I struggle to raise my voice if people can't hear me. I hate raising my voice or trying to express emotion. I feel my voice is quite monotone and my emotions are generally flat as well.

I don't know how to respond to small talk and I find it pointless anyway. I could do with learning some 'stock phrases' to reply to common small talk questions.



Protogenoi
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19 Jan 2015, 1:13 pm

L_Holmes wrote:
Generally, the main problems I have which I think are probably more common are long pauses, speaking monotone, and not making eye contact.

Sometimes, though, if someone says something that catches me off-guard, usually because I wasn't expecting them to say anything in the first place, I get a bit flustered and start talking too quickly and saying everything that comes to my mind in response to what they said, down to the most unimportant details.

An example is, at work, my boss might ask me casually, "How are things going, are you getting a lot done?" First of all, it usually startles me pretty badly, and I'm not sure why, because he's not usually being loud or anything. So I will visibly jump, and then when I think about his question I just start naming off everything that I've been doing, down to the relatively unimportant details. I realize that's probably not what he is wanting, but I can't seem to avoid it.

Even if it's something simple, like someone saying something like, "Cool hat." rather than saying "thank you" like a normal person, I will start telling them where I got the hat, why I got it, why I wanted to wear it today, what it's made out of etc. I usually catch myself before I get too in detail about it, but still.

It's really hard for me to explain things without including every detail that comes to mind. People tend to get annoyed sometimes, because if for example I want to tell them about one part from a show I like, I feel like I need to give them the entire context or they won't really get it, and I usually end up basically giving them a description of the entire episode. Usually they don't find it funny or interesting anyway, and then I just feel stupid. It's hard for me to tell stories or recount events without including everything I remember.

Really, I do that in writing too. I feel like it's all important, and having to take anything out just irritates me, and it feels like it messes up everything else. That is why I tend to have longer posts here too, even after spending quite a while trying to shorten it, but I don't often see others doing this.


Yep... that sounds like my every day.


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Edna3362
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19 Jan 2015, 2:10 pm

I do have the same problems. I end up not liking to speak since people would rather want me to shut up. What's worse is people pester me to speak up, usually right after they read things I write, then just to tell me to shut up again.
If people tells me to rise my voice, they end up thinking that I'm yelling at them.

If I was forced to speak, somethings like 'graded recitations'. It'll caught me off guard, and I get nervous regardless.
I never get nervous to things like big tests or some big situation where people panics when unprepared. As long as speaking is not involved, I wont be. But if it is, I do regardless how unimportant it is.
(And no, me being hyper doesn't really count. I usually initiate if I'm hyper. Therefore, I'm not 'surprised' or being 'caught off guard'. I don't usually freeze if I'm hyper.)


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