Harm and undermining of the self diagnosed on WP

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One thought I have today is that there could be benefit in setting up a "safehouse" thread on WP which could serve as a dedicated haven for anyone at any time who has been gut-kicked by a personal attack or some kind of hostility that temporarily throws someone off balance into a depressive or self-invalidating spiral. Others who believe in peer support could check in there when they are in a safe space to offer support and help restore perspective. It would have to be intensively moderated by the mods so that "hostility stalkers" don't zoom in on their target of the day or week and continue their harrassment, and we would have to define what kinds of harrassments are no go - personal attacks, put downs, sneering, snide comments, dismissive attitudes towards people's pain or anxiety... I know we have the haven forum though I think there could be merit in a dedicated thread. The recovery period from a wounding attack by another member can be shortened by validation, support, time and a sense of safety which comes from being in a safe place.

The Haven generally should always be a safe place, and mostly is, though undermining, shaming, invalidation and put downs do sometimes creep in there too, which is why I think a dedicated thread might be worthwhile. Certainly if it stops some members, however few, leaving the only place that they once felt they belonged, and returning to isolation and the added stresses that can bring. I can think of a number of members - many of you have PM'd me - who would be excellent at offering affirmative and healing support for any members in distress at any time, and they too may need some from time to time. A safe, healing, inclusive and respectful place where it's not a risk to reveal your hurt when the occasion arises. Thoughts? (NB: Not somewhere to name and shame the abusers - the abusers are for the mods to deal with).

For the purposes of this thread, the mods have advised that PMs sent to me (from people who want to comment on past harm they have experienced while remaining anonymous so that they have protection from renewed attacks) can be posted on this thread, in this specific case, so long as the following conditions are met
1) they are posted anonymously by me and 2) the poster gives express permission to me to repost their message in the PM. I think that's a really good decision.

However if you are reading this thread/this post without prior familiarity with this thread, and want to comment, please review the whole thread first so that new posts maintain the contextual relevance. Thanks

Fnord have you ever considered looking for another job? Your workplace sounds like it's filled to the brim with unpleasant people.

Sometimes I feel that users (particularly Fnord, it must be said) can be a little blunt when someone comes to us looking for information about whether they might be autistic.

Rather than just saying "only a qualified professional can provide an official ASD diagnosis" (which is, of course, perfectly true), might it not be useful for us to add "...and an official diagnosis provides benefits like making sure you don't have a similar condition, and giving you the right to reasonable adjustments at work and university"? That way we don't risk questioning whether the self-diagnosed are actually autistic, but rather the relative uselessness of WP as a diagnostic tool.

I think these discussions of validity are good. It's a reminder to those of us who think we are or might be autistic to be cautious of confirmation bias and our own limits of understanding.

I don't think WP is a good diagnostic tool.

_________________
Unapologetically, Norny.
-chronically drunk

I agree with The_Walrus, I feel like the, "only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis" response is very unhelpful. At least for me, when I joined WP, I was not expecting anyone to give me a diagnosis. I already knew that nobody here could do that, that should be pretty obvious. I don't think that most people who join are expecting that either.

WP isn't a diagnostic tool, but it can give people a better idea of whether or not they have good reason to seek an evaluation. I joined because it allowed me to, rather than just reread the DSM and the countless online lists of traits that may or may not be really accurate, actually ask people who do have a diagnosis and would therefore probably know a lot about autism.

Mostly, I wanted to see if I would be able to relate to the people here and vice versa, which I couldn't really do in real life, regardless of whether I saw a professional about it (unless the professional was autistic). I think WP is very good for that (as long as people aren't saying, in essence, "Go see a professional, then come back." That's not literally what they're saying, but I think it may seem like that to some.)

If I had been tested 12 years ago, there is no way that I would have been diagnosed. I WAS diagnosed 8 years ago and I dismissed the diagnosis because the experts KNEW that Autistic people had no empathy and were incapable of REAL HUMAN love [ ah, good ole Lovas] and I knew that I loved deeply and could not help but feeling others' pain.

If I had been misdiagnosed 12 years ago, and if the "experts" were still claiming that Autistic people were incapable of empathy, I would STILL be Autistic. Maybe I would not lay claim to the label, but I would still "know my own," AND know myself as well, except for when people told me that I had no right to "self-diagnose." Then I would feel hurt and confused and alone. Since feeling hurt and alone and confused seems to be a fairly common Autistic issue, maybe none of us should say things that will only make others feel worse.

Yes Vicky your empathy is one of your strongest characteristics, I can see what you are saying very clearly.

I basically just feel a lot of dread and anxiety about posting here now. I don't want to put myself up as a target for any criticism, attack, interrogation, misunderstandings, insinuation, insults, debate, arguments, etc. Even if it doesn't happen to me, seeing it happen to other people is very stressful for me.

It's not just the self-diagnosis discussions, it happens across the board. There is something else here that bothers me a lot more than the criticism of self-diagnosis...that is the rampant dissing of things like spiritual beliefs and paranormal experiences.

But as for the comments against self-diagnosis in particular...it has put me in a very weird place emotionally because I feel like I just don't belong here anymore. I understand that according to the forum policy I am welcome to post and participate. But I don't feel welcome to actually talk about having any autistic impairments, or for that matter, any other kind of impairments or problems I have in life. Because now I feel like people are going to be judging me or resenting me for talking about myself and my own problems right alongside people who have been diagnosed.

Up until the recent discussions about self-diagnosis, and up until I came to the conclusion to diagnose myself, I felt comfortable just posting here about my autistic traits and impairments. Say for instance if people were talking about sensory problems, I felt comfortable just chiming in with my own experiences. But NOW I feel like whatever I say about myself is going to be judged as less valid or genuine because I don't have an official diagnosis. I feel like people will assume that I'm exaggerating my symptoms, or seeking attention or whatever other idea people have about it. I feel like I won't be taken seriously.

The irony is, that this is probably the biggest deterrent for me in seeking a diagnosis to begin with. I fear that I just won't be taken seriously. Actually it's not so much that I fear it, as I just know it's the most likely outcome, considering the way things are. So the recent discussions here have pretty much just cemented my understanding of how life works. For people like me, there is no help available for anything, no services, no appropriate counseling or therapy, no support, no understanding, nothing.

This forum was the one and only meager support that I had for my autistic impairments. And because I have a lot of difficulty just finding the normal social supports that most people find in friendship, family, community, marriage, etc. I really NEED a place like this forum. But I do NOT need the stress and anxiety that comes with posting here. I do not need to be around the debates, arguments, attacks, or general rudeness that goes on here. And the way some of those folks act is downright territorial, so maybe they need this place more than I do. Fine, have it.