Mind blown when people talk to me

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Hi guys

I suspected my self to be an aspie a few months ago but I'm not sure. You probably have seen many posts like this but still if you can help me it would be great!

I've always been a quiet person. People think I'm shy and they think it's my personality. I do think I'm an introvert but I feel like it's more than that. I always find socializing (not communicating) difficult. I always don't know how to react to people when it's 'my turn' to talk. I'm what they called the 'topic terminator'. If my speech is prepared, I have no problem in talking (e.g. preparing for the 'how are you' and 'cuppa' questions/presentation). But after I finished what I've prepared to say, I have nothing left to say. So whenever people ask me 'new questions', my mind is empty. Literally nothing. I don't know how others normally do, do their speech just come naturally or do they need to search for words like I always do? It's very frustrating for me because I've only knew this condition not long ago (I've heard of ASD but never really know what it is and never related it to myself). I'm having a very hard time socializing in my workplace. Everything other than socializing in my job is great so it is really bothering me. Although people did have the patience to talk to me but as time goes on it will just use up..

I've searched a bit about aspie and I resemble myself to some of the traits but not all. I always have a hard time catching up conversations in a group of people (both workplace and friends) so I hate going out with a big group of friends. Even if I do I will stay quiet and only talk to one of my close friends. It is very exhausting for me and others seem to have no problem at all. I've asked my friends about me being an aspie but what they said are 'I probably have it too'. It made me feel like maybe I'm overreacting but sometimes I felt like they are different. They don't have the same problem as I do. I can understand social cues but most of the time I don't know if a person is being sarcastic or not, so I always assume they all are in all situations (which made me judged situations wrongly).

So I really want to know how much my situation resembled to yours and how likely that I'm an aspie? I've taken the tests, all but one said I'm very likely to be one. But I don't know if I'm just finding excuses for having poor social skills. And I'm always an overthinker. Currently I won't be able to have diagnosis but I really want to know what is happening to me. Thank you very much

P.s. I'm working in a foreign country so I'm not speaking my first language in my workplace, but I have very little language barrier within my workplace and I'm quite an advanced speaker of English(my 2nd language), so I don't know how much it had affected

Who knows? Maybe you have Asperger's....maybe you don't.

Is an evaluation free in your country? If so, I'd go for it.

Anyway: Welcome to the Site. You are welcome--whether or not it turns out you are Aspie/Autistic (Yes, Asperger's Syndrome is part of the Autistic Spectrum).

I think I can relate to you well. Shy and introversion is different. not all introverts are shy. But they may be quiet in groups but talkative in one to one or small group. Introvert have a tendency to understand people more deeply , thus your close friend is someone you are familiar with.

Ask yourself a few questions

Your replys are factual or more with feelings and empathy

You are over thinker so what happens if u speak without thinking

Do you find hard to speak to strangers

why do u have to think so long to speak or unable to continue the flow of conversation

You can self diagnose your MYer brig and aspie test online to gauge your personality.
But it's up to you if u wish to see a professional.

You are probably a INTJ or INTP I guess

What you have described is difficulties with socializing a key Autism thing. But Autism is a syndrome and it is much more then difficulties socializing. Often the other aspects of autism such as repetitive behavoirs and especially differences of sensory experience is often overlooked by people in general and Autistics themselves because of the emphasis on socialization.

Thank you for all your replies.

Yes I'm a INTJ. I rarely notice my own emotions (or none at all) so when people ask me how did I feel I always find it hard to answer. I never talk to strangers unless it's necessary and I rarely talk about my emotions or feelings to any others including my friends (don't see why it's necessary). I never speak without thinking though--I've a great self-control;)

As for repetitive behaviours, I don't really have it, but I will be distressed if my daily routine is disturbed. I tend to go for the same path from home to work and to home everyday and if I don't do that I feel unsafe (even there is a better path).

I guess I think too much and to be honest I think those aspie posts on google are so generic like everyone can relate themselves to it (I'm blaming them ). I'm a definite introvert so maybe I should just work on improving my skills instead of relating myself to Asperger's This is a great site I'll keep an eye on it and thanks all

Here's a link to the RAADS-R self test. If you have trouble understanding the scores (they're sometimes confusing) let me know and I can explain them. I have my own scores as a very neurotypical person saved as a contrast.

I recommend reading up on how autism presents in females. And I would keep in mind that you are in the peak age for feeling awkward- your 20s. That's true for all of us. The awkwardness is indeed worse if you are not speaking your first language. That will make you feel out of place.

Now, as to the unexpected things that people say: Most of what people say is somewhat predictable. I mean, someone is not likely to start talking about the circus right after saying hello, for example. But after you have one conversation about the circus, you will be prepared to have another one, whenever it happens. You will also learn ways to adjust for when you don't know what to say and how to bring things back to where you feel comfortable. All of these are scripts that both people on and off the spectrum use. People who aren't autistic pick up these scripts very easily, seemingly by magic, and rattle them off with no real effort. Autistic people have to memorize them like you would information for school. But it's still the same process. You have a script for any situation, and over time you will have easier and easier access to the correct script for a given situation.

If this doesn't make sense, please say so and I'll find a new way to explain. I study something called symbolic interactionism and how it affects autistic people. Which means that I study tiny social actions, what they mean, and how autistic people are affected by these tiny social actions.

And welcome to Wrong Planet! Please keep posting!

Hi SocOfAutism, thanks for your reply! I've done the test twice: just to make sure that my result is consistent. I've got all yellow boxes in this test (They don't allow me to post url lol). My average total score is 162.5. It seems like I have a few fluctuations between the two times but all of them are in yellow.

However when I was taking the test, I felt like some of the questions I couldn't really fill in because I simply never thought of those questions before (like the way I organize thoughts, or what I would think about the phrases when I was 16 or younger-I couldn't imagine that.)

Also, you've mentioned social scripts, would that help in overwhelming social situation as well (e.g. people talking too much)? I've just experienced one today which is awful! And also do you have any recommendation on where I can learn about those scripts, I think they will be very helpful regardless of whether or not I have autism

Yeah my total score was 20: http://www.aspietests.org/raads/questio ... cale=en_GB

I know what you mean about the questions. I have trouble with some of the questions on those tests because I think about them too much, since what I do is study those issues.

As to social scripts, there's what I would do and what most people do. You might want to do what most people do, which is to watch movies and TV. If you're American, you'd want to watch American movies/TV, and then you'd want to pay attention to what people of your "type" are saying in response to things. So if you're a nerdy girl, you'd want to use the script of a nerdy girl character. But if you're a trendy girl type you wouldn't want to use a nerdy girl character, because it would sound odd. If you could imagine a girl who looked like the Clueless girl but talked like Daria, you could see that it seem weird.



What I would do is listen to other people's conversations and try to methodically memorize what they say. If you hear someone say, "Are you working hard or hardly working?" Then you hear someone respond, "Oh you know me..." and smile. Then I would remember that and answer the exact same way if someone used that "hardly working" line on me.