I think socializing is like doing taxes

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I'm no expert on taxes, so maybe my analogy will be crap. If you're some kind of tax expert please forgive my ignorance. I think socializing is like doing taxes. The tax man doesn't generally focus on one person too much, but they do ask you to report your income. This is a regular interaction. They will be judging you based on a lot of things, but it tends to be pretty superficial and they're not likely to think too much about it. They also have ways of figuring out your income and whether you're being honest. This is basically body language, gossip and your general reputation. If you're suspicious for whatever reason you'll get audited. This is when people start consciously analyzing your behavior, asking you weird questions, googling s**t about you, considering you an outsider and discovering you're an aspie.

I guess my goal is to avoid being audited. I don't mind the usual stuff, but getting audited is when all the BS happens to me. When I avoid getting audited people tend to treat me pretty normally. Of course I'll still be judged by the usual surface level things like my gender, apparent age, apparent race and apparent social economic status.

I avoid "auditing" by putting effort into my appearance, taking steps not to feel awkward and having a don't ask don't tell policy when talking to people. If they assume I have friends or a job, make sure they continue to assume that. When people don't audit me, there's more room for social errors. By even when I talk these steps, I still notice people who are more observant who will audit me anyways. I think I'll avoid making friends with more observant people.

Most people only get audited once in a lifetime.

By analogy, then, you are virtue-signaling, in order to avoid criticism (audit).

I think, keeping score is a way to check your sanity, around dramatic people. Socializing can be just like doing taxes, in that you see what you are spending and what you get back. You can be the auditor.

Why are these people so valuable, to you?

It's not just criticism I'm avoiding. It's also a way for me to keep my privacy. When I get audited I lose my privacy and any small social mistake becomes very obvious.

I just value being able to interact with people normally. It makes me happy. Being seen as an aspie makes my life not worth living. If this means I'll get fake and shallow friendships, so be it. Right now I'm more in the mood for having fun and belonging somewhere.

Deep connections aren't as important to me. They're also incredibly draining, while fun and shallow interactions actually energize me.

Then, you are hiding something.

Depends on income level, I seen it be a yearly occurrence for some...

As for personal "audit" what are you worried people we find on you? You really can't find much on me, not on the internet and public records search won't tell you much.



Not really, some people like privacy. I for example don't want people knowing where I live and I keep it out of public records by using a UPS Address for official purposes. Looks legit on paper and if anyone questions it, I would want to know their intentions.

I guess for a personal audit, I just don't like all my behaviors being scrutinized. I also don't want my social mistakes to be noticed too much. If I'm not being audited it will be less likely for people to remember. I also don't want people to discover any labels I have and start treating me differently and ruin my reputation.

But I guess by the time I'm getting audited people are already acting a bit weird and overly observant. Maybe if I didn't care what people think I'd still find auditing draining. I think it's the same when you get taxes. Just because you're not hiding something, doesn't mean being audited isn't exhausting and tedious.

In social interactions where I'm not getting audited I feel like I gain energy and I'm happy. I'm basically an extrovert. When I feel like I'm being audited and watched I feel very drained and shut down. This is when I feel like an introvert. I'm the same way online. When I/my posts get noticed a bit by a bunch of people I gain energy. When one person intensely notices me/my posts I get drained. I guess when I'm avoiding auditing I'm just trying to avoid interactions that make me feel drained. So the energy I'm putting into not being audited actually pays off.

From the title I thought that you were going to say something like "socializing is the price I have to pay to survive in society" (ie that socializing is fun for NTs, but its a chore for you, but you have to do it).

So in that way socializing would indeed be like a fee, or a tax, you have to pay. Not a bad analogy.

But you're talking about something a little different than that. About your fear of being "found out".

Its sad that you view everyone around you as an IRS auditor out to get you.

But if you wanna go with this IRS analogy you could think of yourself as a venture capitalist who has to take on massive capital losses and massive business expenses to keep yourself out there in the world of socializing. Just take the emotional bruises of folks thinking you're strange, and just keep at socializing. Eventually you will be able to report a profit on your form.

Even assuming that we're always in an adversarial situation, there is no reason to be on the defensive. You can be offensive, flippantly, as a matter of free will. You can be the source of stress.