When was a time you realized you were "different"

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When I was ten, and I started a new school. It was a religious, all-girls, Jewish school. I did well in school, academically speaking, but I didn't quite excel in the biblical studies. After my teacher accused me of cheating on a test, I kind of just silently opted out of paying attention during her class. I'd pretend to write notes, but really, I'd write about other people in the class, and I'd make up stories and such, and people eventually found me to be a creepy weirdo who was always writing. I hated my classmates. They were all so soulless, to me. Even though they got really good grades in bible class. I was talked about behind my back, and kids would wonder why I got to take a "special" test. When I'd go home crying to my dad about how no one would be my friend at school and how everyone hated me, he'd tell me that I was the problem, not them. I think my father ran out of patience with me. He just wanted me to fit in, and I never did. So I just let myself escape into my head, and I still, often wondered, why can't I just be like everyone else? Thank goodness I'm not, though.

When I was in preschool and the other kids were acting all happy-go-lucky and would run up to the teachers no problem. I mostly sat in a corner and read when it wasn't recess, and didn't even talk to the teachers for months.

when I was in high school I was called in to the principals office and he asked me why I was always by myself and didn't talk to other kids. I told him I was different. He arranged for a Psychiatrist to come to the school and talk to me.

In 7th or 8th grade I noticed that the other girls formed groups in the playground and talked to each other like they were adults. I didn't know how to do that. I sat on a ledge by myself.

In grammar school some kids called me "outer space" and made fun of me but I don't know if I felt different or I just noticed it.

Last edited by Marybird on 26 Mar 2019, 11:47 am, edited 1 time in total.

Nope...no psychologist needed for me!

They just KNEW I was different.

After I started talking, I went to a few psychologists, usually for just one session. and had a little speech therapy.

In one session when I was 7, I just played knock-hockey with the psychologist. His diagnosis: "A kid who doesn't like to lose."

There were no drastic interventions, except that which involved modifying my behavior.

I always knew, but then I never felt "human" either. I felt like I was born the wrong species since as early as I could remember.

This, exactly. How profound.

I guess I realize this every time I wake up. It's difficult to actualize this difference as a positive thing though.

Yes, IsabellaLinton and cberg. I feel so much better about myself now that I realize I'm just different. I no longer have to worry about trying to be as good at whatever as everyone else. I do it my own way. I am happy to think of myself as different.

Kindergarten when I pretended to tip my milk carton over my head that I'd already opened but then closed closed up and all the milk poured out onto my head. I had to finish out the day with dry crusty hair.

I was always aware of something being amiss, even when I was 3-4 years old. I was introspective and felt I didn't belong in my body or with the other kids. I assumed I was defective. I had no idea there was a name for my feelings of alienation; I just knew there was a "thing" about me that wasn't quite like everyone else. There are so many parts involved in my neurodiversity that I didn't piece them together or see the big picture. I couldn't connect the dots. I feel much better knowing I have a difference rather than a deficit.

even though I said in my last post that I was ten when I realized I was different, I can actually remember, thinking, when I was just a wee little lass - maybe about three or four? - that I was chosen, and I should report back to my creator when I have contributed my piece of the puzzle that would complete the puzzle of existence. And no...I never turned out to be a genius or nothing. I'm just a paranoid, dependent who can't quite adult as gracefully as the others. And it's all good. Except for when I can't cope...

An occasion stands out in my mind. I was 7, and I was on holiday with my parents. The holiday park that we were at had an arcade, and I would spend most of my time in there. One day, I was on one of the car racing simulators (which had a seat, a wheel etc) and this group of other kids (probably all around two or three years older than me) gathered around and made fun of me and my skills at the game. This was also around the time when I began to become a loner at school; being more interested in sports statistics than in hanging around with others.

I don't think I ever did, at least not in the sense that others describe. I completely lacked self-awareness as a kid. Everyone knew I was different except for me, so I was often confused by being singled out as I was and treated differently. It never occurred to me that my many differences and impairments actually set me apart from others. When anyone suggested that I was different from my peers in any regard, I railed against the idea, even if it was meant as a compliment. I've always been very attached to the idea of conformity, so maybe my ignorance of the fact was partially willful.

Oh that's easy because there have been so many such times. The opposite question might have been difficult to answer. As with many Aspies, people have always tried to make me feel different, alone and unwanted almost every day for my entire life right up to the present day. This usually comes from fast-talking NTs who are unconsciously looking for somebody weak whom they can dominate (aka bullies). These days I see through it as a vestige of that dominance that all jungle animals try to exert over each other regardless of their disingenuous words to the contrary. Don't try to tell them that though because they will protest loudly, only reaffirming their animal heritage. Such treatment has become so common in my life that over time I've gradually become impervious to it and find it all too easy to just walk away from such people. That in itself sure doesn't help with the loneliness and isolation though. Here is one example of many:

I first realized that I am different at age 4 in nursery school when all the other guys routinely kicked me off the playground everyday for not understanding how to play Cowboys and Indians. I had no concept of the aggression involved because that trait was totally absent in my personality and was only learned over many years of watching NTs do the same thing. The following description shows two autistic traits: 1) our difficulty with imaginative play and 2) our literal interpretations. What the guys did was to use toy brooms as make-believe rifles in playing their games but I could not understand this. When given one of those brooms, I would use it to sweep the playground instead because after all that was the proper use for a broom that I had always seen. My mom even has an old home movie of me proudly sweeping the playground with a big smile on my face but those movies are unfortunately lost to time. Anyhow, since all the guys rejected me, I went inside to the girls' play porch to play with them since I DID understand how to play with my younger sister. However all the girls aggressively chased me off their play porch loudly calling me a sissy for wanting to play with them. So rejected by everybody, while all the other kids gathered to dance together in the main room, I sat by myself huddled in a narrow crevice between the piano and the wall gazing at the wonderful order of the spider webs that I found in there. Ironically the twin boys who were the worst offenders later became cousins of mine by remarriage of my dad and the gentler of the two twins died suddenly about a year ago.

I can give many other examples but those that have had the greatest impact on me might border on being somewhat inappropriate for this general forum. By the way, to give an unrequested answer to your implied question, I got diagnosed two days after my 60th birthday.

Around 8 years old when I started developing from severe autism to moderate autism. Up til then I thought of everyone else as different.

I thought everyone else was weird till puberty, when social interaction suddenly became much more important and I realized what a misfit I was.