Dealing with unavoidable loss of control

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Hello.
I live in a college dorm/hall of residence. I have just moved in, a week ago.
In order to get to sleep, I need complete silence. I guess this is a problem people here can relate to.This is unfortunately too much to ask for, surrounded as i am my people who are focused on partying. My question is simple: does anybody knows of ways by which to live comfortably in environments over which you lack control; in other words, is there a way to control one's lack of control?
To make matters worse, my neighbors are having a party tomorrow, to which i said i'd go. I hate parties, you maybe could have guessed.
So my situation is kind of crappy at the moment:i believe happiness, or at least equilibrium, is produced by the expectation of a happy future; but my future is out of my control(there is nothing i can do to avoid the noise and awkwardness of tomorrow night);thus, I am unhappy, or at least, distressed.
So anyway, as I said, i'm wondering if people have any tips,advice,commiserations or consolations to share with me.

Thanks.

Sleeping pills might work, but part of being an aspie is learning that life will crap on you all the time and usually theres not much that can be done about it. Sorry man.

sometimes i get like this, what an annoying feeling! other times i can sleep with the light on

There are various tools and tips, and I guess the "name of the game" is to select a bouquette that suits you. Username88 mentioned sleeping medication -- have a chat about this with your doctor. As a kid I had troubles falling asleep if it wasn't dark where I slept; if this is "part of the equation" for you as well, there are masks available, designed to block out the light.
Then there's a host of tips and do's and dont's, like no coffee or "energy drinks" (with lots of sugar, caffeine etc.) in the hours leading up to bedtime. If you're the spoty kind of guy (and don't live in a "harsh" part of town), do the daily jogging as the last thing before going home to bed. Another thing is ventilation: It's much more pleasant (provided a suficiently thick blanket, mind you) to sleep in fresh, 40*F cold air than in stagnant indoor air. Others recommend following a strict scheme bed-times...

Like you, I (and seemingly a lot of other people around here) don't really fancy big parties with the collevtive "hustle-and-bustle" of a few dozen people -- it's draining and tiresome for many of os. But with a little luck it'll tap your "batteries" enough to make sleeping relatively easy when you finally "escape the fray".

Try a mask and some earplugs. No need to be sh*t upon when there's a perfectly good spacesuit for you to wear. As for the party: alcohol! Pregame if possible. :]

Username, I'm surprised you okay sleeping pills and not antidepressants!

Immanuel,

If you are located in the United States Vocational Rehab can help with this situation. I received financial assistance for tuition but they can also help with living arrangements (depending in which state you live in). I remember my caseworker saying "if the dorms are too noisy for you we can help cover off campus living arrangements." One thing though....You'll have to make under a certain amount of money per year as well as claim yourself as independent on your taxes to receive the help with off campus housing. They offer other services, as well, if needed. Its really a fantastic program.
Another possibility is going to your campus's Disability Services Office. They might be able to place you in a less rowdy dorm or at least advise you on the situation.

Good luck with this and keep us updated!

(And good luck with the party as well! Don't drink too much and everything will be okay. )

For a start, thanks for all the replies.
The party's been and gone...and i didn't go. I guess you could say i chickened out, but i'd prefer to say i just didn't do something i really didn't want to do.
I think having become aware of the existence of AS, i feel much better about things like these(i mean parties etc..): instead of being someone who can't socialize, i'm someone who can't socialize because....the because makes a big difference.

As for the suggestions: ear plugs i have, but they're not good enough. As regards changing where i live, unfortunately a) i'm not american b) i live in a prohibitively expensive city, so student accomodation's all i could afford, and there's a huge waiting list, and also i lied about being socialable on the application form.
I guess it would be handy if i could be diagnosed, but the shrink to whom i've mentioned it seemed to be of the impression that a formal diagnosis would be pointless, because it's just a label etc...
And as to the very pragmatic suggestions of getting drunk, unfortunately i used drink to excess and so don't drink at all anymore. And accordingly, my doctor is very unlikely to prescribe potentially addictive things to me.

Anyway, that was awfully me-centric. Sorry.
And thanks for the suggestions.

immanuel,

During my own tenure in college I had the pleasure and good fortune of boarding with a semi-retired older couple. They wanted a quiet and studious boarder, they got me.

Unlimited peace and quiet and lots of poring over the notes were the norms in that house. They also took frequent vacations and my being present in their house while they were away kept the burglars off (they had problems with that).

As a gesture of courtecy I never hosted parties or had any friends visit without their knowing and we got along superbly. After all, I was there to stack the odds in my favor, schoolwise.

Is there any Housing agency in your campus or similar organization that could help place you in anything like that? Would you consider putting out an ad for your intentions?

I wouldn't stick around in that dorm if I were you

You say you need absolute quiet, but it's a relative concept. What you might need is not silence but a steady "noise floor", something without variation - like the noise of a fan or a radio tuned to static, something that generates noise with no information contained in it which will block out low levels of other noises. The upside to radios tuned to static is that you can sometimes use headphones. Bose makes a lovely active noise canceling variety which can help eliminate outside noises.

Alternately, there's good old Pavlov. Find a repetitive and relaxing piece of music, hook yourself up with a CD player and a set of headphones, and learn to sleep to it. You can train your body and brain to perform certain acts to certain stimuli.

A regular schedule, not eating before bed, not consuming caffine after lunchtime and some light excercise sometime during the day are also proven tactics for getting to sleep without utterly exhausting yourself with excercise.

I can idenitfy with not liking parties. I avoid them like the plague! Which people find very odd for a 25 year old, right up there with the fact that I absolutely will not touch alcohol. But oh well, I'd rather be odd then a sheeple.

As for sleeping in silence, I've been able to adapt to sleep with some amount of noise, like the TV or radio. In fact, there's times I have to sleep with the radio on to block out anxiety of hearing voices. Weird phobia, I know, and no I am not schitzo. But with a little training, I think one can sometimes adapt. For me being able to think is how I get to sleep. Once I learned I could do that without the silence, it helped.

This is my brother to a "T". He always has to have his box fan on to sleep.

Is it possible to change rooms to an end room? Maybe the end of the hall will be quieter?

I have an end room! All the smokers congregate outside it, talking loudly at late, stupid times.



That is a really good idea, thanks. My dad does something similar(he also sleeps with the light on), and I also wondered why he did that, now it makes sense. Also, some football( or indeed,soccer) player does that- he needs to a have a vacuum cleaner on to sleep. I will investigate the possibility of portable radios today.




Your situation sounds ideal. I guess i would be reticent to take any such action for a number of reasons
a) i've paid for the next 2 months at least
b) i've only been here a week, and the situation might improve when people have settled in and penury bites
c) if i were to leave because of this, it would be an indication to others and myself that i can't cope with things that in general one should be able to cope with( I know, measuring yourself by other's yardstick is about a stupid a thing as is doable is such situations, but old habits die hard)

And again, thanks, the existence of this place has really buoyed my spirits these last couple of days.