Boundaries

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Its all very well to claim that we don't want a cure for AS, but I do think its necessary to qualify what that means.

In my understanding, having a different way of processing information (intelligent or creative), being introverted (socially awkward), and focusing on areas of interest, for example, are all related to the way a person is wired. Of course no one should be discriminated against because of this.

There are, however, emotional problems that certainly do need to be addressed, regardless of where anyone falls on the spectrum of the human condition.

Arrogance, lack of compassion, disrespecting another human being - these are not hardwired traits and not, in my opinion, at all related to AS. If we were to embrace that, then we are inviting psychopaths, sociopaths, child molestors, criminals and anyone else with emotional problems that we can think of to stand united against a cure!

Please don't think that I am judging those with emotional problems (every single human being has them to some degree and usually as a result of pain inflicted upon them) but it is important for us as individuals and communities to grow through and overcome these problems, not to become proud of and encourage them.

I don't believe in punishment as a means of overcoming emotional problems, either. Only loving support will help. But there is a great difference between loving support of those with emotional problems and allowing them to control and bully to their heart's content in the name of avoiding a cure.

Whether AS or not, emotional problems are universal to human beings, and the willingness to grow beyond them is universal to progress - for everyone's benefit. Please don't confuse the AS traits with emotional problems. They are not one and the same thing.

Dejavu all over agina(I just came from the cafe. )


In saying we do not want a cure for AS we are not excluding the treatment for psychological issues...AS is not a psychological issue but living with it in a world which is not designed to accomidate many of it's traits...can create psychological problems.Since I cant change my brain and I can't change society(yet....just wait you bastards,lol)there is going to be some psychological fall out.

Some of us are lucky enough to have a support system to help us work through those things...some are not.It's not like building muscles...just lift weights,eat right and keep doing that for the rest of your life.We can get help for some psychological issue(say low self-esteem)and the next time we turn around we realize we are an addict...new issue,new treatment.It's never ending.Most of the help there is for psychological problems are creaated for people who are NT...I am telling you from personal experience that many of them are not only uneffective but harmful to people with AS.(like when they tell me I need to go out and socialize more to over come my depression.....yeah,right).Even the medications were designed for NT brains,many people with AS are effected differently to either stimulants,anti-psychotics(yes they have prescribed those for AS)...scary.


Point is...who are these perfect NT's you have been hanging out with?I seem to find a lot of them who are crazy or cruel as anyone here.Are we really expected to be "better" then them in every way?Most of the NT's in my life have shown a lack of compassion,dont seem to have a "theory of MY mind" and have horrid work ethic(ie,spend all their time on the cell phone or socializing)Just saying...I am for better mental health for ALL.

And I will tell you a little secret....not everyone here is AS.(shhh),some are just very lonely,confused and looking for answers.Some are bullies who grove on feeling like a top dog among people with social skills issues(because most of the NT's have rejected them).I'm not saying who is who,but try not to make generilization based on a few inappropriate "possuer...I mean posters"and enjoy the folks here who do show each other support and encouragement.People tend to see what they focus on.

Oops, Krex, I think you're quoting someone else there with regards..."the perfect NTS". Not said by me. Don't think anyone is perfect. And thank goodness for that.

But just one more thought I need to get out of my system with regards speaking up, if I may.

You do mention that you have to restrain yourself from replying to some of the posts. I wonder if this really is the wisest choice? I know that when I do speak up, I'm certainly not speaking only for myself. I know that others sometimes feel the same way. Why is it that I'm often the only one who will voice it? I'm tired of being a scapegoat for expressing that which many are already thinking. If more people spoke up about their thoughts and feelings, I wouldn't need to be quite so intense.

Apologies for bringing this up, but isn't this what happened with the holocaust? I'm convinced that most people did not in any way agree with Hitler's bully tactics, but left it to "someone else" to speak out against it. In this way, they gave tacit agreement for the abuse to grow and continue until it was too late. And using the ploy of calling those who speak up "whiners" is an insidious form of abuse that is easily recognisable by the aware.

I have to agree, Saph, there are parts of my system that I wouldn't trade for the world, and others I would drop in a second. It's the joy of being "different", I guess. My emotional problems tend to be just that - mine. The worst part I find is when I'm not able to express something that is coming through loud and clear in my head, so then I go into an anxiety spin about not expressing myself. That tends to be when a meltdown comes along, from thinking too much about something that should so easily be cut and dried. Sadly here in Speedyland, where logical decisions can be made instantaneously (like drawing, for example, I know where I want to start, no dithering), emotional decisions can drag on to the point where it hurts to think about it anymore.

Conversely, I don't know if I would want an all out cure, its taken me a long time to accept all the little things I do are caused by AS, that most of what I do isn't considered normal. I don't think my world view would so exciting without my nuances.

Compassion for others, its hard to explain, but for me I think I block out the caring part subconsciously, to distance myself from getting involved in anothers problems/good fortunes or whatever. I know I am capable of caring for people, because there is someone I care about, its just my indirect way of showing it that makes them think maybe I don't.

Speaking up is a tough subject to cover. If everyone voiced their opinion within a discussion, we would get a balanced one, but I think it can go very wrong. I'm going to stick my neck out with this bit, but I know that in my head, I like things to go my way, or, if they already go a set way, then they have to meet my approval. A polite way of saying that I have to be right. Here comes the risky bit... I have read discussions on this forum where it starts to get out of hand because there are (at least) two people who each believe they are right, and it spans into an almighty argument.

Don't get me wrong, I really like having this forum to form some sort of release, but I find myself battling with my mouse and keyboard on here, because I don't want the social interaction outside.

Although, when it comes to bullying or spamming and the whatnots, then I totally agree, sitting back and letting it happen isn't the way to go. Even if its unintentional, someone needs to be told when what they have said is wrong, as we all have things to learn here.

Hope I've gone about this the right way...

Sorry for the long post, but I couldn't get my fix yesterday, so am unloading now.

I'm not sure I understand where you've clarified the matter of boundaries and where boundaries fit into the schemata.

You are right in most of what you say, but I have to take umbrage where you say:

I reread my post and can't find the part where I said I dont speak up to bullies?

What I think is important to remember is that there are two different types of posters who fit your description as being arrogant,insensitive or abusive.

One is just your common troll.They thrive on stiring things up,upsetting people and getting attention for themselves.They tend to say outragious things to provoke a reaction.In this case we have a "rule"...."Do not feed the trolls",they survive on attention,so it is better not to respond.Sometimes it is someone with a very low post count(I think that is why we list the date they joined and post count...easier to find someone who joined just to mess with peoples heads.)

Secondly are people who just have poor social skills.These individuals have minnimal social interaction with positive examples of how to communicate with others.There human interaction has been with people bullying them or family members insulting them.We have had such members here who HAVE learned more positive communication by being "called" on their inappropriate behavior.As long as it is done in a way that does not further insult them for their lack of social skills but teaches them how what they said could hurt someone else(it may seem obvious to you but it isn't obvious to everyone)they do want to learn.They are lonely and do want to have social connections.To just push them off the site may mean that we are cutting them off from the last place they could get some help with these issues.

Some of thee individuals are very stuborn and change for us is hard.Some people will fight aainst the "advice"(just not psychologically ready to hear it)but it does plant a seed that could grow into something over time.

As far as the connection between AS and "arogance and insensitivity to others".....that IS part of the current belief about AS.Many have even been misDXed as narccissts and most of us grew up hearing how insensitive and selfish we are by family(or spouses).
I dont hapen to feel that this is true.I think it is a very superficial understanding about someones internal experience(emotional life)and how are behavior is missunderstood from an NT perspective.It also happens to be a part of "growing up" for many AS and NT's.
Teens and twenties are a time of "self-centeredness" in most people(I think).


You are right that bullies either call you a "whinner,over-sensitive,lack a sense of humor"when you call them on their abuse.It's their defense mechanism to "blame the victem" but you dont fall for it and any other intelligent person can see through such childish manipulation.If others dont run to your defense against such a person it is likely that they realize the person is just a troll and dont want to give them any more attention.By the way...there are also some people who have "sock-puppets"(which is against the rules)and create a false "person" who comes into the arguement to agree with the bully poster.The only way such people will go away is if people stop respondng to them.