If you have achieved success in life, how did you get there?

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I seem to reach a certain point then I end up stumbling. I seem to do what I enjoy(obsessions) but struggle with manuevering in NT cliques and find myself missing critical information and contacts needed to advance. I often work a ridiculously number of hours in an effort to compete until I wear out when successful socialization would have made things so much more simple.


To be honest with myself, I was at my most productive when my former NT girlfriend ran interference for me. She helped me to gain some form of acceptance and sort of acted as a buffer against people using me when I tended to do things for people in exchange for their 'friendship'. I seem to be incapable of doing this for myself for more than short periods of time before I am blindsided by something I did not see coming.

I have intentionally been vague here since it seems to be equally relevant in my social and professionial life. Do I need to come to terms that my limitations in dealing with people will prevent me from achieving the goals I have sought? I hate feeling like a failure when I think I have so much I can contribute.

Well it happens and you probably do have a lot of potential but perseverence is the one thing that will get you there. Or so I have heard.

Maybe your just going back and forth between "Agony and Ecstasy" looking for that homeostatic state. (Wonder if I spelled that right?)
I guess it will all come down to what your ideal of "sucess" or "failure" is. I must admit, my idea of sucess changed extreamly quickly when my oldest daughter was killed. Not trying to garner sympathy or anything, just saying that maybe what you now regard as "sucess" will seem really un important years from now.
Good wishes for you no matter what.
sluice, I have starry night hanging in my living room, and gosmokesome your name made me laugh. Ever heard of Matanuska Valley?

Watch what other people do, think about it, try some of it out and correct any mistakes you catch. There will be mistakes. Bow your back and go in trying. You will get better at it.

sometimes, just making through the day is a success for me. I can go weeks without major issues, and then, one day, BLAM. but I try to get past it quickly. coming to self conclusions, and aiming for a sense of peace to calm myself, feels like a huge success for me, maybe not so much a public success, but to myself, it's important.

mike

http://www.myspace.com/mikegeorgemusic

I have intentionally been vague here since it seems to be equally relevant in my social and professionial life. Do I need to come to terms that my limitations in dealing with people will prevent me from achieving the goals I have sought? I hate feeling like a failure when I think I have so much I can contribute.[/quote]


yeah whew... ok, i believe in optimism, although i dont see much of it. not you, just life in general. this IS the age of cynicism (my opinion...)

i say it's a carrot on a stick. meaning, to always keep trying daily, bit by bit, and slowly build connections.

http://www.myspace.com/mikegeorgemusic

Well for me I was always fortunate to maintain a few friendships during the course of my lifetime even when at lifes worse.

How I acheived success was completly independent from anybody, i always knew what I wanted in life, many many years, im a good planner, and realistic. I was fortunate to get a halfway decent job with a big company in my area, and not cause I have social connections (although getting my foot in the door was due to a social connection ill admit) but at work I am very independent, i am not their to make friends (although sometimes I meed cool people and we become work buddies. But I just work hard, and stick around for a while, I am often faster and more efficent then others because I do things so step by step, systematicly and routine oriented, so I tend to out produce others. With the extra money I got in my check for doing a good job I was fortunate enough to aford a small house, buy some nice things I want and need, I drive and I feel I achieved my immediate goal after collage, home ownership, it was not easy but it happened.

My ultimate goal in life is to have a family, provide for them and raise my children as well as I possibly can, ill give up everything that makes me happy in life to be with my family and provide for them, because that will give me the ultimate satisfaction, and I can then, after my children are grown, die a happy person.

I dont feel I am a complete success yet, but I have done alright, im 25 and own a house, I live alone, but have not really made it yet.

I think you need to know what you want in life and really plan, realisticly, and the bust your ass until you have achieved your goal, you dont need to be a social creature to do this, just a hard worker and someone who knows what they want.

I wish ya luck in your life, in everybodys life, may we all find what makes us happy in life, no matter what it is!!

I think the more talent you have, the less you need the connections and critical info. Conversely, if you're not wonderful at what you do, being good at the social thing can improve your situation dramatically.

I was never extremely good at something specific, and with my horrible social skills, I never amounted to much. But I believe if I'd been excellent at something, even without the social success and contacts I would've advanced much more. Often, when you're good at what you do, others will seek YOU to be in contact with.

Define "success". What do you need to have/accomplish/experience in order to consider yourself successful?

For instance, I believe I am successful because I have a fulfilling personal life, enough money to pay the bills, and my internet connection. There isn't much else I can think of that I would even want, much less need...

Once you've answered the question for yourself, you will know whether you are a "success", and, if not, what else you'll need to do/get/be to accomplish your goal.

Thanks for the comments, and my condolences to you, reika.

I agree that success is defined relative to the individual which may be where part of my problem lies. I have pretty much operated on the principle that I can accomplish anything I put my mind to, but I am having my doubts these days. I think I have made the sacrifices and invested the time and energy to reach a point where I should feel justified in making these decisions, but the success I seek eludes me. I am not sure if I need to modify my definition for success or cut my losses and try a different path. I am just afraid that any path I choose is going to be met by the same roadblocks that I am experiencing now. I just wish that my people skills weren't chewed up
and thrown in my face everytime I put myself in position to make some headway.

I just never took my eyes off the goal. I still had to slog through lots of s**t, but slogging through s**t with your eyes on a goal is not that bad.

I consider myself successful in a few limited areas, such as my job. I made a choice based on my strengths. I chose work based on my areas of strength.

SOME would consider me a success. SOME have even expressed envy of my position. Frankly, I would say success today in much of life has to be ability, financial support, and a good family life. I would give my ability a 9, but I don't know if anyone would have a ten in my book. financial support, I would give a 7, but few do better. For family I would say I have a 3.5. 5 on any would be average on any area. 0 would be total failure, and 10 would be FANTASTIC.

I guess I could say the same as 9catmom. I was practically BORN to do the job I am doing. Some have studied DECADES to do this and I can LITERALLY do it in my sleep, and better than they can awake.

I'm sorry to hear of your great loss. I think it takes courage to share that. And there being no way to garner enough sympathy or support for that kind of forever pain.

I have been highly successful in some things throughout my life. For me, the key is wanting it really bad and not letting anything divert me from task. I tend to have a teeny bit of an ego, so confidence that I can do something I set my mind to is always in abundant stores. I don't let things break me. Getting through life as a "free range aspie" while miserable at times has taught me that you get right back up when you get knocked down. If I didn't do that, I'd be huddled in a corner somewhere, rocking back and forth. I like it here much better.

1) Set some realistic goals, not too many, just three or four.

2) If a goal is achieved then replace it with another one.

3) If you realize that you will never achieve a goal then analyze your behavior and methods then set a similar goal which is more realistic.

4) Practice the things you're good at.

5) Learn to relax

6) Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Ed Almos