Something I gotta say..

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I know that this site has been here for a long time, and this has probably been said before a million times, but I get the feeling that the people here are the only people that will actually understand it. My parents have never understood, and I've tried to tell my friends, but it just draws a blank...

Looking at all the sites, listening to all of the psychiatrists, watching all the programs.... Don't you ever get frustrated that these people can read a load of things off a list and say, "That is you."... Isn't it even worse when you look at yourself, and realize that it's true?

I don't know if it's just me, but I hate being a list. I hate people finding out I'm Aspergers, and then them just typing that in on Google, then saying to me, "Oh, so you have bad social skills, and possibly poor motor skills then." It frustrates me so much sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, I know it's a lot better for people to at least be aware of it, it's a lot better for them to do that, than hear a word, not know it and go "AAAAAGGHHH THEY HAVE THE DEADLY LURGY!!".... But still, I don't know if I'm just a very bitter person, but I hate it.

I'm a lot better than I used to be as a kid, I used to think it was okay to go up to a stranger and go "Excuse me, but your face looks funny, and that hat is horrible looking." but it still feels like it's a scar, something that can fade, something you can cover up, but is always there, always.
I need a good way to get rid of all the negativity towards it, and I know I'm depressed, but I refuse to take tablets. And I've been to psychiatrists, they've never been able to help me.

It's been like this for a long time, but I've never said anything before, 'cos I always feel like I'll just get blasted. And there's just been too much stuff going on, like moving house, my mum being ill with cancer, struggling with college work, being depressed, wanting desperately like nothing else to ask someone out and never having the guts, and being diagnosed with an under active thyroid. (which, according to the doctor, is rare for someone my age; normally it's fifty and overs that get it. Ah good. That makes me feel special.)....

Well, that's it. I know you've all heard it before, and if I've depressed anyone out there (I have a knack for it; it's contagious) I'm sorry. But I had to say it, no one around me listens, unless they're being paid hourly, and they never understand properly.

Welcome to WrongPlanet SamW. This place has been better therapy for me than anything in my life. I wish the same for you.

PS, take your thyroid replacement therapy every day and it helps a lot. ( I have that too)

Merle

Being here is a good start. We will understand in a way all the shrinks in the world can't. There's a lot of people here, despite having the same problems, have gone on to have careers, families and enjoyable and productive lives. You will make real friends and always find people to talk to that will understand...

I do take the thyroid tablets, thankfully. The summer I had before I was diagnosed with the thyroid, I was ill all the time, had no appetite, and dropped to a size 10 (And I'm just under 6ft tall, so that's just too thin), so now I'm taking them, and I'm back up to 12, which is just plain more healthy. It's mood altering medication that I'm kinda iffy with, 'cos of experiences I've had with it with people around me.

Yikes, mood alteration medication, eh? Like a 'happy hour' for Aspies? My moods are hard enough to discipline with out having to muscle out some drug for the privilege.

Merle

They are ugly, they do wear funny clothes, but we get used to it.

You are a list, several, English, male, student, so one more is minor.

You life does have some real stresses and worries. You should feel them, but go on and do what you can.

We have different wiring, it will not change. You are close enough to have friens who cannot understand.

When I describe the aura around power lines people just look at me. Learning what they cannot see was the hard part. Just as hard for me as for them.

Not a disorder, not a disability, no treatment ofr cure, just different.

You are SamW, a Culture of One.

lol, that's not quite what I meant...
I've known a few people who've been on Anti-depressants, per example, and they've just changed completely, which always made me sad, 'cos I felt like I lost my friends, and when my mum took them, it just made me depressed (hmm... more so.) until she went off them.
And I had a friend who had to go on Ritalin, and he wasn't really that bad a kid, he's parents just didn't really want to deal with him properly, he never attacked anyone, yelled at anyone... I never liked his parents, they seemed like the sort to sweep a problem under the rug, and never speak or it again... Anyway, that just changed him, he lost his quick wit that made me like him in the first place, it was almost like changing a rainbow, to a matte gray sheet.



I know, I need to stop feeling paranoid really. It's just hard to go through a day without thinking, "Grr, everyone knows I'm different, and I can't change it."... As I said, it's more the depression than the Apergers in a way, I'm learning to accept the Aspergers, I've even told a couple of my friends, and they seemed to get it pretty well, so I know I'm lucky in some respects, though I always worry that we're all just gonna go seperate ways after college and never see each other again, 'cos I've never had friends anywhere else, and I still lack the guts to get a job, I'm not lazy, the prospect of it just freaks me out...