do you feel better about yourself knowing you have as.

Post Reply New Topic

The reason I used to think I had Depersonalization disorder was because of my inablility to show emotion in obviously emotional situations. I blamed my inability to comunicate and connect with people on being disconected, and how I never wanted to do anything outside of my routine as not caring about my life because I didn't feel like anything was real (disconection from reality).

Who knows though... I still sometimes feel like things are not exactly as they semm. Like maybe everyone around me is an actor and I'm in some kind of game or something.

And sometimes when I do things outside of my daily routine I'll feel like im in a movie (a boring one) and people are watching me on a Tv somewhere... I can hear background music in my head and though not as common as the music I sometime find myself narating my actions...

This sounds different to what I have experienced. I have been feeling that the world around me was like a movie I was watching.



Could this be a sign that your brain is still unconsciously trying to process information and understand what has happened?

Yes because now I can understand myself better, and hopefully have more success in life.

It's so nice to know theres a reason why, and that there are things I can learn to cope. When I found out I was relieved that I wasn't crazy, or that I wasn't all the negative labels people had put on me for so many years.

Yes, because it's given me the vocabulary to figure out some of the comorbids. And has resulted in making me feel not so alone in the world.

Plus, I was getting sick and tired of people asking me why I didn't act my age . . . among other things . . .

I kinda liked it better when I didn't know I was autistic.

Ignorance is bliss, they say.

I don't know where the term came from, though I think it came from a suicide note. But I'm probably wrong.

Oh yes. I'm much much more at peace with myself now that I know why I am who I am.

Yes. I can't explain why, but I feel like a lot of pressure has been taken off me.

I knew I had the condition since I was 11 years old and my family was always trying to change me and my ways. I cannot change my behaviors because of how I am wired. I think there are definite advantages to the condition, such as my single-mindedness when trying to solve a situation, my precocious musical abilities of perfect pitch and abnormally good hearing, my genuineness with other people and non-judgmental personality. The disadvantages are numerous though too because of my inability to form close friendships or engage in give and take conversation. Those two things frustrate me to no end, but I just have to accept that I am different and since I am a music teacher, I have leeway in being different.

It's a strange feeling, indeed, to have found out. Utterly strange, I'd use such an expression, even though I have had a lot of time to get used to it. For all my life I used to think I was simply an eccentric person, nothing more and having watched all those films with autistic children (it was always a child, always a boy and always severely affected; always and everywhere, amen - my dear directors of those movies, I'd like to thank you all for misleading me) I would NEVER even ponder if I might be a person from the spectrum; sitting in front of TV and staring at heroic attempts of parents trying to improve their autistic child's life I was always congratulating myself that I was perfectly healthy little girl; adults used to praise me, I got good marks at school and I couldn't have anything in common with children from said movies )

Even despite of the fact that I'm not diagnosed and I still have doubts about having AS, I'm VERY glad I got a clue to AS.

I can't vote either. (???)

But yes yes YES!!
Oh it explains just SO much.

I wish I'd known way back when.
So does my Mum. She knew something was "wrong" with me, and took me to a bunch of shrinks, but of course back then (early Seventies) they barely even knew about Autism, and of course I tested just fine because they only tested intellect, not social or coordination skills.

My 3 year old nephew has just been diagnosed, which is how I came to read up about it and discover I had it. His parents are just so glad they found out early enough that they can get him the support he needs (speech therapy, Montesori). They are worried about future stigmatization, but hopefully by the time he's old enough for that to become an issue, society will have gotten over that.

I learned when I was nearly twenty. Until then, I felt lonely, and had a feeling there was something extraordinarily different about me. Since I learned, I keep looking back and realized these things that went on weren't COMPLETELY my fault.

yes.

Last edited by Stevie-E on 07 Jan 2008, 3:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

Yes definitely good to know. It explains a lot of what has happened to me and who I am. It's nice to have a frame of reference rather than just feeling completely different and alone.

If by "these things that went on" you mean hostile reactions from other people, I look back on my life and feel the same as you do. I now realize that a lot of what I did made others annoyed and angry at me. Being unaware of my AS I could obviously not change my behaviour towards other people. What happened was my doing, but not my fault.