Have you Aspies ever felt like "the flavor of the week&

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Chimchar
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25 Feb 2008, 11:26 am

Have you ever made this one friend and think he/she is awesome and he thinks the same about you. And then a week later, he doesn't talk to you anymore? You're not interesting anymore?

Do you guys get that a lot? I kinda do, with pretty much every friend I make, they just leave you alone after your friends with them.

Do you feel like there's something wrong with you? It's okay to have one or two friends treating you like that, but EVERYONE?

Something is wrong with me I know it.



Arbie
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25 Feb 2008, 11:35 am

This happened to me allot in school. It was usually the "new kid". As soon as they found out what the other kids thought about me they were like everyone else. This also happened at the beginning of the school year a good bit too.

I would say most of my friends eventually would do this though some would take longer than others. I also had a problem with people being my friend long enough to get something from me and then not having anything to do with me after.



AndersTheAspie
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25 Feb 2008, 11:44 am

I have a tendency to commit overly to people I barely know, maybe you have the same thing?
Maybe you are seeing these relationships as more than they are, and so you are hurt and confused when it turns out that they just aren't feeling the same?

It could also be that your intrests are to narrow, I have noticed that many aspies have something of a one-track mind, discussing the same thing over and over. For many NTs this gets old pretty fast. Have you ever tried getting into some of the interests your friends have? Many aspies have a hard time picking up new interests, but it is possible.

Also I know that this may seem like you are changing who you are to fit in, but really all you would be doing is being open minded and trying new things. Nobody says that you should stick with it if it just isn't you.


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Chimchar
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25 Feb 2008, 11:46 am

Overly commit to people? You mean?



Lumina
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25 Feb 2008, 11:50 am

My life... In a nutshell.



AndersTheAspie
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25 Feb 2008, 11:55 am

Chimchar wrote:
Overly commit to people? You mean?


Read way too much into everything. Assume that they are having as much fun as you are. Ultimately missing the signs that maybe things aren't going so great at all.

And eventually when the relationship does end you stand back feeling pretty much the way you described.


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Chimchar
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25 Feb 2008, 12:07 pm

Oh, Wow. Now I feel bad.



Nico
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25 Feb 2008, 12:10 pm

I get this all the time. For a certain period of time at the start, people will talk to me and then they forget all about me afterwards (sometimes it's as little as 1 day).


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sodarktheshadows
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25 Feb 2008, 1:00 pm

that's pretty much the story of my life. if you can get past 3 months of knowing me, wow. if you can get past 6 months of knowing me...omg. not many make it to six months. and even if they do...well. let's just say that i have only one friend that i still talk to that has known me for an extended length of time (5+ years) and even then, we don't talk that often since she moved out west. i have one online friend that i've known for 8 months who i used to talk to a lot, now...not so much, hardly ever.
it sucks.


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AndersTheAspie
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25 Feb 2008, 1:09 pm

Chimchar wrote:
Oh, Wow. Now I feel bad.


Oh, I am not sure why you would feel that way... but it wasn't my intention to make you feel bad, merely to help you.


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25 Feb 2008, 1:37 pm

Chimchar wrote:
Have you ever made this one friend and think he/she is awesome and he thinks the same about you. And then a week later, he doesn't talk to you anymore? You're not interesting anymore?


All of my school years were this way...and even some online friendships turn out like this for me these days.
I don't know why, as I put effort into these friendships. Sometimes I think I should just give up :roll:


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Sora
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25 Feb 2008, 1:55 pm

AndersTheAspie wrote:
Chimchar wrote:
Oh, Wow. Now I feel bad.


Oh, I am not sure why you would feel that way... but it wasn't my intention to make you feel bad, merely to help you.


I'm trying on the bit empathy I have... well, half-joking.

Lots of people, especially in teenager years, want to make a acquaintances, but they do call the people friends. Many NTs have lots of acquaintances (which they call friends), but they only like a few and only talk to a few regularly. Also, getting to know new people is always exciting and for many NTs it's just 'making new friends'.

That the people seem to come and go instead of establishing a long-term friendship doesn't mean you're boring, annoying that they don't like you. You must be somewhat interesting, do something other think is cool or just very interesting in order to make all these people want to get to know you. You seem to appear interesting to people. That's a good start I think.

Finding friends is not easy for anyone. At least, finding this kind of true, long-term and likeable friend, a real friend and not just an acquaintance is not easy for anyone. Just because people say, 'oh, I've been friend with 30+ people and I know some since kindergarten' doesn't mean that out of these 30+ people one of them is a real friend. They may just be people whom one talks to sometimes. Social necessaries.

So, saying you may read to much into getting to know new people isn't anything negative about yourself, but just means that most of those that you meet aren't very interested in making any friends, just getting to know lots of (and maybe good?) acquaintances. And a good share of NTs really need that, they don't just do it for the fun.
Just don't feel bad about yourself.



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25 Feb 2008, 3:14 pm

It used 2 happen 2 me all the time but i got used 2 it as i realise most ppl r fake.



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25 Feb 2008, 3:59 pm

Story of my life too.

The better they get to know me, the less they like me.

It's been like this all my life.

I don't even try anymore.


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MusicMaker1
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25 Feb 2008, 8:04 pm

I've had those experiences with people just being a short-term friend for their own reasons and/or they will hear gossip and lies soon enough, etc.. I think what is worst than a short-term "friend"... is a long-term "fake friend".. That is someone that pretends to be your friend for the longest time.. and when you really need a true friend, such as in the instance of a car wreck or severe injury, the "fake friend" disappears.. guiltlessly...
I've had that happen to me before..

This is something I imagine some other folks here have probably experienced at one time or another.. Fake Friends will usually hang around just to dump all their problems on you or to make themselves feel superior or more important than you.. They may just actually want to use you as a chauffeur (beware of those people without their own transportation because it could mean that their friendliness is fake -- although, some well-meaning people really don't have their own car too). Sometimes, they might not want to go to dangerous places alone so they ask you to come along for their own selfish reasons and pretend it's just to hang out with you.. or they may want to "borrow" money , of course.. never to pay it back.. They might want someone to make light of at their party... whatever the cause... don't allow a "fake friend" to hang around you, even if you feel lonely, because they will NEVER be there when you need them.. and it will hurt worse.. That's just been my experience.. If they are going to be a "fair-weather friend" (those only around in good times), I'd rather know it right away too, than be led to believe over years that they were a real friend...



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25 Feb 2008, 8:11 pm

I've met some aspies (and possibly NTs) who act like they're good friends with you when really its just a casual, friendly acquaintance. Even for another aspie, it can be awkward when you're trying to decide if you like someone enough to be friends, and they invite themselves to hang out with you whenever you see them.