Aspergers & deadbeat dads–Aspie more likely to be absent

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What do you think?

And are they as accountable as NT's as parents?

Last edited by nory on 03 Apr 2008, 6:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

In my experience, the men I know who have Asperger's tend to be better, more conscientious parent's.

Kris

I don't know if my father has AS, but he was absent from a certain time on.

I just think he didn't really know what to do with us kids at the time.

Same with me. I used to think it was because of something that was wrong with me, what I now understand as the autistic qualities, but now I think its probably his own

NT's aren't necessarily better parents than Aspies.

I doubt that there is a correlation. People with AS may sometimes be better parents in an attempt to compensate.

Who knows. I imagine that aspies and NTs are affected by many of the same factors that cause some to become "dead beat dads". This would be an interesting topic for a study.

I think so too. Unfortunately those who leave are likely those who have not come to terms with it, so would be unlikely to take part in any kind of study...

I think that’s how a lot of studies get skewed.

Hate to say, but the rate of deadbeat dads in the Autistic community is high. And, I'm going to include Aspergers with this because all of the support groups we belong to have a mix of both. Sometimes I'm one of a few dudes up in there. Many moms are single (never married), separated, divorced. They're going it alone. The dads are nowhere in the pic. The divorce rate is also high in the Autistic community. I've heard it's as high as 85%. I wouldn't be surprised.

What about AS mothers? Do any of you think it might be more difficult for an AS woman to have the level of empathy expected of most women?

I think the maternal instinct is too strong - its a force of nature. I think even without understanding the emotional connection the female need to protect all young things just takes over.

I think it comes down to the old bee and flower metaphor. Men have the instinct to disperse their genes far and wide, and if they sense a glitch they jump ship and continue on elsewhere.

This is true in most cases I think. I just thought I'd bring it up, because I have no maternal instinct. When I'm around a baby or little kid, I'm confused, anxious, and have no idea how to act or communicate. Other women seem to know exactly what needs to be done. This probably belongs in another topic, but could this be AS related?

I don't think theres anything wrong with you. I had a cousin who was such a tomboy and she always insisted she did not like or want kids and there was never going to be anything that would change her mind. Then after 30 she shocked us all by suddenly wanting a child and had two and she is the most maternal thing you'd ever seen (although only with her kids, I must admit. She's one of those competitve mothers that is feirce about protecting the interests of her kids above all others). My mother also said she never knew what to do with babies and was very nervous around children when she was younger. She went into elementary school teaching and had no idea how she would relate to the children at all. But as soon as she had her own kids she said it just turned on like a light switch. I think awkwardness around other peoples kids has nothing to do with how you will be around your own. Then again other people will be just as happy not having kids at all but this does not mean that instinct is missing or lacking. We can take care of others in other ways, such as through education or just caring for humanity and its development in any way we can and I think even that is part of the maternal instinct. It doesn't have to be in the normal or expected ways.

Also, just the fact that you're "anxious" or confused indicates an emotional reaction, which indicates a protective response.

My dad doesn't have AS, but he's very introverted. He's not too involved with the family now, but he used to be. Now he's kind of distant and all he seems to care about is flying his plane. Although he never wanted to have kids in the first place, my mom convinced him. That may be a reason he's not really a family type guy.

Asperger's is so general that some can be like neurotypical parents, while others will be self consumed. I don't really know, but in general terms, I would hypothesize that if a aspergerian father was severe enough, then he may not be a suitable parent. Especially if the child was neurotypical.

A selfish father can be just as damaging to an Aspergerian child as to an NT child. My dad was, and still is this way. I believe he has some traits of AS, which isn't surprising considering that two of his kids ended up with AS. When I was little, I remember him playing endless video games, building and flying model airplanes, and taking some friends out all the time on his boat. He never seemed to understand what was wrong. The saddest part was watching my lower functioning older brother suffering, and trying to be just like his dad. It must have been out of a subconscious need for acceptance from Dad. I displayed this same need by often breaking things and being loud while at his house.