i dated an aspie guy, 6 months l8r im an aspie do i tel?

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shud i tell him?
yes 69%  69%  [ 9 ]
no 31%  31%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 13

wob182
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09 Apr 2008, 10:23 am

Ok so 6 months ago i was in a long distance realtionship with a guy with aspgers i didnt get what it was at the time but over time it really showed it ugly side , but we still got on and everything. I fell in love and he broke up bcoz he thought we wanted diffrent things. it took me 6 months to get over him and last week ive been dignosed with it to.

i wonder if i shud tell him? a part of me thinks he start pointing out all my bad aspie habbits that might have ruined the realtionship..or shud i just carry on learning mor bout it without him ?



alex
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09 Apr 2008, 10:31 am

do you still talk with him?


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wob182
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09 Apr 2008, 10:36 am

on and off online



camphortree
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09 Apr 2008, 10:38 am

are you sure you caught it off him?



sinsboldly
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09 Apr 2008, 10:38 am

wob182 wrote:
Ok so 6 months ago i was in a long distance realtionship with a guy with aspgers i didnt get what it was at the time but over time it really showed it ugly side , but we still got on and everything. I fell in love and he broke up bcoz he thought we wanted diffrent things. it took me 6 months to get over him and last week ive been dignosed with it to.

i wonder if i shud tell him? a part of me thinks he start pointing out all my bad aspie habbits that might have ruined the realtionship..or shud i just carry on learning mor bout it without him ?


are you thinking that it might bring him back to you if you 'have what he has?



Kaleido
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09 Apr 2008, 10:42 am

camphortree wrote:
are you sure you caught it off him?

I was wondering that too :?

It might be a good idea to tell him so that he doesn't give it to anyone else.



wob182
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09 Apr 2008, 10:45 am

i dont know , we were in a serious realtionship and recently over the phone he's sed to me that if i lived where in the same place as him and wanted the same things then we might still be going out. Its complicated but like his temper really hurt sometimes..things i didnt understand. I dont think i want him back bcoz sometimes he didnt treat me right, i just wunder if i owe it him to tell him, maybe, when we went out he knew i had an anxiety disorder that i was getting over. I over anylise where i went wrong , was it me a lot when it comes to me and boys. i wundered maybe hes been over anylising it too. (i doubt it tho)

and no i dont think i caught it off him. I was born like this, i make sense why i was bullyed in schol and other things.



Glencannon
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09 Apr 2008, 10:56 am

"I fell in love and he broke up bcoz he thought we wanted diffrent things. it took me 6 months to get over him and last week I've been dignosed with it to."

How long did the relationship last before breaking up?

"A part of me thinks he'll start pointing out all my bad aspie habbits that might have ruined the realtionship."

If this is true and not simply an irrational fear, then i would stay away from him, do you really want to be with a guy who is going to place all the blame in a relationship on you? Certainly you both contributed to the factors that caused your breakup, no relationship breaks up solely due to the behaviors of one person.

"or shud i just carry on learning mor bout it without him ?"

I don't think anyone on WP can give you a reliable answer to this, we are to far distant from the details of your relationship. Also, asking aspies for relationship advice may not be the best way to go, since we are probably as clueless as you in this regard, I know I am. Not to generalize, some aspies may have a good understanding of relationships, but they are in the minority.

My advice would be to ask someone who knows the both of you, or at least the details of the relationship, who can give you an unbiased opinion.



wob182
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09 Apr 2008, 11:10 am

Glencannon wrote:
"I fell in love and he broke up bcoz he thought we wanted diffrent things. it took me 6 months to get over him and last week I've been dignosed with it to."

How long did the relationship last before breaking up?

"A part of me thinks he'll start pointing out all my bad aspie habbits that might have ruined the realtionship."

If this is true and not simply an irrational fear, then i would stay away from him, do you really want to be with a guy who is going to place all the blame in a relationship on you? Certainly you both contributed to the factors that caused your breakup, no relationship breaks up solely due to the behaviors of one person.

"or shud i just carry on learning mor bout it without him ?"

I don't think anyone on WP can give you a reliable answer to this, we are to far distant from the details of your relationship. Also, asking aspies for relationship advice may not be the best way to go, since we are probably as clueless as you in this regard, I know I am. Not to generalize, some aspies may have a good understanding of relationships, but they are in the minority.

My advice would be to ask someone who knows the both of you, or at least the details of the relationship, who can give you an unbiased opinion.





In reply,
1. there is no unbiased person who knows us both because we came from diffrent parts of the country.
2. ok yeah asking an aspie for a realtionship advice is kind of not really the best idea. but i mean as an aspie male wud u wanna no? if u dated a girl, who u thought u just had a phobia and u broke up etc.
3. i do know what hes like even after week broke up it was constant its bak and forth "its ur fault we didnt work..ur this and ur this..."
4. its just when the only way to figure out boys is comparing it to exprience and if his exprience turns out to have more to it then he thought (i.e. im an aspie) wudnt he want to know what really went on?



Glencannon
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09 Apr 2008, 11:33 am

Perhaps I am misunderstanding your motives, what exactly do you plan on achieving by telling him?



sinsboldly
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09 Apr 2008, 11:44 am

Glencannon wrote:
Perhaps I am misunderstanding your motives, what exactly do you plan on achieving by telling him?


maybe she is confusing it with an STD? or in this case a Virtual STD?



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09 Apr 2008, 3:26 pm

Just from how you describe it, this sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. It seems as if you want to tell him about the diagnosis to get him to come back to you. This is just my own interpretation from some of my own past experiences with guys that broke up with me.



wob182
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09 Apr 2008, 4:43 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
Glencannon wrote:
Perhaps I am misunderstanding your motives, what exactly do you plan on achieving by telling him?


maybe she is confusing it with an STD? or in this case a Virtual STD?


no im sorry but that really harsh. I do not in anyway shape or form thing i've 'caught' aspgers from him. And im not thinking of it as a negative thing having aspgers , now i that ive gotten over the shock of it things are making sense, like why we got on so well etc and why i was always called names like freak , weirdo in school . He was just dignosed earlyer then me when he was young. I was dignosed this month.



Glencannon
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09 Apr 2008, 4:50 pm

wob182 wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Glencannon wrote:
Perhaps I am misunderstanding your motives, what exactly do you plan on achieving by telling him?


maybe she is confusing it with an STD? or in this case a Virtual STD?


no im sorry but that really harsh. I do not in anyway shape or form thing i've 'caught' aspgers from him. And im not thinking of it as a negative thing having aspgers , now i that ive gotten over the shock of it things are making sense, like why we got on so well etc and why i was always called names like freak , weirdo in school . He was just dignosed earlyer then me when he was young. I was dignosed this month.


I'd have to agree, that was a pretty harsh joke. However, I just chalked it up to aspie humor, which in general can be unduly harsh without meaning too.



wob182
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09 Apr 2008, 4:57 pm

Glencannon wrote:
wob182 wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Glencannon wrote:
Perhaps I am misunderstanding your motives, what exactly do you plan on achieving by telling him?


maybe she is confusing it with an STD? or in this case a Virtual STD?


no im sorry but that really harsh. I do not in anyway shape or form thing i've 'caught' aspgers from him. And im not thinking of it as a negative thing having aspgers , now i that ive gotten over the shock of it things are making sense, like why we got on so well etc and why i was always called names like freak , weirdo in school . He was just dignosed earlyer then me when he was young. I was dignosed this month.


I'd have to agree, that was a pretty harsh joke. However, I just chalked it up to aspie humor, which in general can be unduly harsh without meaning too.


thanx ..personally i thinking this whole discussion is just getting me down. i wasnt expecting this response...i only wanted advice from aspie males really



angelgirl1224
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09 Apr 2008, 7:05 pm

Yeah well the whole catching it off him doest make sense. You cant catch AS.

Yeh i was wondering if you thought there would be a chance between you two because you have As as welll...
I think you should tell him however. I think it is worth telling him, that way you might be able to make sense of things.

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