More fun with my Asperger's eight-year-old at school

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My wife got called in to talk to the teacher today because my son, who is eight, has been acting up. Specifically:

1. Refusing to take the district reading assessment, saying it was boring.

2. Pushed a couple of kids

3. Apparently stood and watched a kid while he was peeingin the bathroom, which freaked the kid out and he went to the teacher.

The teacher keeps using the language, "I want this to be a safe environment" and I think she's looking for evidence to get him kicked out of the gifted program.

My son told me he wants to be in the program, because in the "regular" classroom he spent all of his time doodling and reading because the work was so easy.

What to do, what to do...

stand by your kid no matter what if teachers opress you....headbutt them in the face and push them on the floor

I spent all my time doodling too, lol.

oooo I know what I would do. I would schedule a conference with the teacher say "My kid isn't going anywhere and you need to do a better job supervising. I have explained the rules he has promised to be better behaved in the future..."blah blah blah....standard stuff people tell teachers when called into a conference. The key is to compromise.

Obviously Kleo is joking but you should stand by your child.

The pushing I would attribute to the usual social integration problems (wants to interact with them but not sure how to initiate it in a "normal" way, etc) as for the reading assessment I'm privately cheering for the kid.. I never had the guts to do that though I often felt the same way (its boring and pointless why are you making me do this?). Then there's the staring.. probably just curious and didn't know it was bothering the kid.

Personally I'd work it along the lines of "So your schools teachers aren't qualified to deal with the eccentricities of gifted children even though they have a gifted program? Maybe I should see if the board of education can find new ones for you."

{edit} Ana your avatar is mean

Yeah, I definitely get the sense that she wants him out of the class. She said that the gifted children are especially sensitive, and so he's not a good fit. She's already labeled him as "the other."

I am trying to determine how much of this behavior is attributable to Asperger's and whether there is something else going on. We take him to see a psychologist in October, the soonest we could get an appointment.

I have always liked eyes just not looking straight at eyes on an actual person but eyes in pictures and on spiders I have always been drawn too. That's not even mentioning the plastic wiggle eyes one finds at hobby shops and craft stores.
Since these aren't eyes on an actual person, more like artfully-collaged-creative-visionary-eyes it's like confronting the issue in a way that's non threatening. I've always been like that, trying to find ways to confront my issues without actually confronting them.
I prefer to confront issues in an artistic way it helps me cope with my life.

around 8 is a difficult time for AS children. at this time they try to form lasting friendships and relationships and the described behaviour is typical of As for this age. wanting to make friendships but not knowing how to.
i was a very destructive 8 y.o
what to do?

be firm but fair with your son and his teacher.

I'm a little disturbed by this teacher's behaviour. No, I won't lie, I'm a lot disturbed. What is this "other" crap? Ask the school for a Functional Behavioural Assessment. This will help to determine how much of his behaviour is AS and how much is something else. Especially if part of it is environmantal. The teacher is not helping. Ask for a mediator and insist on a cae conference to address this teacher's behaviour. Saying he is not a good fit is a cop out. I mean, by his diagnosis he's weird and not a good fit. It's not like whe's said anything astounding. But seriously, he is entitled to be there and she needs to adjust her teaching to fit him. Get an advocate as well. Invite his doctor, psychologist whatever to the case conference. This will help keep the school honest. Do everything in writing, or they don't have to comply.

Another thing about that comment about gifted children are especially sensitive. Your child is too. He's just sensitive to other inputs that the other kids. I think this teacher is awful. I know it's hard to deal with our children. Can you also suggest that she attend some training on autism and espcially high functioning autism and Asperger's? She could prolly use some training on how to talk to you guys as parents, too. I would suggest it. If that all fails. Get a big stick and hit her with it.

Thank you for your responses. There is some great advice in there. I think he may need some testing accomodations as well.

Whatever you do or request, put it in writing. In the US, they have 60 school (the operative word being school) days to comply with any requests for testing, IEP conferences, etc. If you ask for an FBA (functional behavioural analysis), they still have 60 days to comply unless you ask for an emergency one. If his behaviour warrants an FBA and especially if they are talking about making any kind of change in his programming, they need to do it as quickly as possible. If no one at the school can do it, they HAVE to 3rd party it out.

If you need anything specific, you can IM me. I do this for a living.

Poor kid, he's bored out of his mind. This group of teachers doesn't know how to deal with him, so the question is -- do you really want him in that class? He is gifted AND special ed, which is a classification being used more and more in school districts (at least those who identify that AS actually exists and should be accommodated for).

If he is not yet on an IEP, request one in writing to the director of special ed in your school district. I recommend either my book (The Mom's Guide to Asperger's Syndrome) or Nolo Press's excellent book on IEPs, how to secure one, how to fight for services, when to threaten a lawsuit. Both are on Amazon. This is a long haul, however, and in the meantime, your son will suffer.

If you have the $$ you might want to look into a private school for Aspies. There are several very good programs in the US, and if you're lucky, there may be one near you. You can also try to get your public school district to pay for it, if they prove themselves incompetent in being able to provide services to him themselves (which they probably are, but proving it is another story).

Depending on the school, some 'regular' school programs offer advanced placement for kids. For example, when my son was in 3rd grade, he was placed in 4th grade math. In 4th grade, he was placed in 6th grade math. That may be an option.

The school also has the responsibility to ensure that your son is 'successful throughout the school day', which means that he may need accommodations at recess (such as a quiet place to play) and during PE (like, the coach doesn't get to yell at him). He may also need some sensory stim to keep him going during classroom time. I highly recommend the book The Out of Sync Child for information on how to keep him regulated during class.

I would also ask the school about doing an inclusion program of some sort -- either an anti-bullying program, or a psycho ed program for children about other kids with differences. PUSH THIS. They will resist, but keep asking -- nicely.

As to keeping it a 'safe environment' -- you're right, they are looking to DQ him (disqualify) from this class. You need to be FIRM in your assertions that this is NOT A BEHAVIORAL ISSUE -- that AS is NOT about wilful disobedience, but about missing social cues.

When you get to an IEP, make sure the language is NOT written as such that it makes it look as though your son has a CHOICE to make a BETTER DECISION. This is bullsh*t and I see it in most IEPs. Again, refer to my book for examples on how these should read.

Best of luck -- been there, done that, raised the kid, got the Masters!