Saddest thing

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What is your saddest memory of something that happened to you because you had A.S?

I found middle school really easy and boring. I would therefore neglect my home and school work, because I already knew the stuff. I would then proceed to get A's on the tests. Come report card time, I would have mostly Ds or lower. Just making enought to barely keep from failing. My parents would yell and scream at me nightly about why I dont do my homework, and why Im not like my brothers. After about a year of middle school and theripist they sent me to see told them to "force me to come out of my room" by taking all my stuff away. So they did. For the next several weeks there wasnt a day that wouldnt end in me going to bed crying and hungry. Every night they'd yell at for not doing my work and all during supper, upsetting me and with no appetite I'd go in my empty room and cry myself to sleep.

Whats yours?

I don't know which one to pick.

Getting in trouble for figuring stuff out wrong, little kids bothering me and getting into trouble because of them, my school punishing me for not being able to follow the rules. I couldn't follow them because I didn't know what the rules were when they kept changing. The teacher tells us what the rules are, then they change because kids would break them and not get in trouble so I do it too and I get in trouble. My mom said they get away with it because they know when to do it.
Being bullied because I was different and getting in trouble for defending myself.
My parents getting mad at me for my anxiety in my teens.


I think that's all.

Hmmm..

My ex gf telling me she hates me.. cause I didnt wanna go to her friends party. and I didnt say barely one word when I was at her friends house .. Her friend said 'IT SPEAKS' when I said something at the movie theater cause he'd enver heard me talk before..

My other ex gf telling me I repulse her.... she took it back right after, but I mean she wouldnt of said that if there was no truth to it, so its stuck with me..

there's probably millions of things but i cant think of anyy

Do you want a list or just a certain number? My childhood was a bummer.
I tried to relate, the other kids in school wanted nothing to do with me.
I have realised that kids are cruel.

All of the above are things I remember. I know those things made me a withdrawn and shy person in social settings. The saddest is being afraid of having these events repeat if I open myself up to others. Adults can be just as cruel as kids.

My ex boyfriends calling me cold.. yep, thats pretty sad

My high school class' graduation party...

I can't write about the saddest thing, or even the second, third, or fourth saddest thing. But "a" sad thing that happened was on the playground in elementary school. The girls always bundled around in circles chatting. To gain entry to a bundle, a girl would approach a huddle, and a space would be opened up for her to fit in and start chatting all huddled together with the other girls (especially when it was cold).

Well I would try this approach of nearing a circle of chatting girls, but no one ever stepped aside to open a space for me. So there I would stand, awkward, wondering if a space would open up, or if I should try to gain entry by actually saying something like, "Can I join?" which was always met with incredulous stares.

So I would approach the circle, wait a few moments, then slink away and try another circle, until I finally gave up and would stand near the school door waiting for it to be reopened.

Or even worse, on the rare occasion I was allowed into a circle, the girls would shoot conversation back and forth with one another and I could never think of anything to say even though my mind would be racing with thoughts. I would be the only girl in the circle standing silent.

Back in early highschool, i met a few girls and hung out with them a few times, they were pretty cool, i really liked one of em. Well they moved back home and told me i should go visit sometime. I went to visit, in a town ive never been before, all by myself. We hung out for a while, had a great day. Come night time, we were sitting on some steps and some people came around and started talking to us. My aspie side came out and i was quiet as a mouse for about an hour. Then i got bored and went for a walk. I came back and the girl i like was totally into this one guy who showed up. About a half hour later we left. Horribly jealous, i didnt walk with them, i walked about 70feet ahead of them to their place, even layed down in a ditch for a bit. We got to their place, one of the girls slept in her bed, the other one (the one i liked) bunked with the guy she was digging, and me, i slept on the floor. That night i layed on the ground listening to some linkin park, and i still remember the one song that was scratched on the disk, "Points of Authority Remix", the one song that to this day, can still change my mood from happy to down right destroyed inside.

The next day was pretty bad too, horrible day. Come night time i didn't have anything to do or anyone to be with. Some older people walked by me and invited me to a party, i went to it. Well this party was full of older people, getting pissed drunk. One of the guys there got jumped by 2 other guys, while i was there watching, horrified. I kept thinking to myself: "If there's a target number 2, i will most likely be the one". First time i drank straight margarita that night, was it ever sick.

I was lucky enough to make it through the night. About 5am that morning, i ended up in Tim Hortons, eating some timbits, drinking my hot chocolate, on the verge of passing out on the table. With nowhere to sleep, i headed back to the girls place and banged on the door. BANG BANG BANG, nobody was answering. Finally after forever of banging, her dad opens the door saying shes not here, and slams it so quick that i didn't even get the chance to say i just wanted to pick up my stuff. I slept on his 3X4foot ant-infested wooden step that morning. The next day i grabbed my stuff and called home for someone to come pick me up, like 2 days early.



Oh, and thats just ONE of my many examples.

This whole thing with a girl. I always expected her to be understanding and helpful but she rarely was. She expected far too much of me, specifically in my areas of weakness. If I'd known what I know now everything could have been different.

The most painful for me is seeing how bad people get liked better than me because they're more charming.

A few things come to mind:

Being subjected to aversives in school throughout my childhood.
Being punished for misunderstanding or breaking rules that I wasn't even aware of.
Being punished for stating something matter of factly that was interpreted as being rude or talking back, when that was never my intention.
My abilities being overestimated in my areas of weakness, and being underestimated in my areas of strength.
People misunderstanding me and just not "getting" me.

That's all that comes to mind right now.

I can't really chose one memory as the saddest. I have a lot of sad memories that have to do with having AS.

I was not taken seriously by doctors, because I couldn't look them in the eyes while talking to them and couldn't organize my speech well enough, so they thought I was making stuff up or looking for attention and just told me it was all in my head. My parents started to believe them and stopped taking me to the doctor when something was wrong. As a result, physical disabilities and injuries went untreated for years, which only made them worse and has permanent consequences for me.

My birthday parties... year after year I had almost nobody to invite and few people showed up, except for a couple of relatives, and the few who did show up barely said a word to me the whole time they were there and just ignored me and had fun talking between themselves and sometimes even made fun of me (I don't think they realized how hurtful that was to me).

On several occasions I put a lot of effort into doing something nice for people, only to find out that they really did not appreciate it and got angry with me instead, so instead of making them happy I ended up being yelled at, which always shocked me because I could not predict that reaction.

Something that always makes me sad is how I'm looked down on for having meltdowns and how people get annoyed with me for having them, while I really can't help it.

the saddest thing is probably that, because my teen years were so traumatic, i may never get away from my depression/post traumatic stress disorder...

oh, and if a girl i like rejects me i'll assume they're trying to destroy me, so i'll lash out and try to cause them severe psychological damage, that's pretty tragic.x

One of the saddest things that ever happened to me was having a group of people whom I loved and respected misinterpret my words and intentions and paint a grossly inaccurate picture of me.. This saddened me to such a degree that I became physically ill and had to sever my connection with them altogether .

That's happened to me many times. Nowadays I know that when they do this, they know they're lying about me. They do it because they want to make sure to get rid of me, and not because there was some misunderstanding.