Do you think ASDers attach value to people ?
The more I think about it, the less I believe I attach much by way of value to people.
I mean intrinsic value.
I mean them just being there is important to you.
Do they have value to you because they satisfy a need for something in you ?
I think I don't value people for being people.
I LOVE people, admire them, etc - but I don't value human beings unconditionally.
I think this is an important differentiator of ASDers and NT's.
to tell you the truth i dont really understand. do you mean you like some people if they mean something to you but dont value people as a whole?
if so then I am the same way
if not, please clarify, i'm a bit slow.
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Rather than love, than money, than faith, give me truth. -H.D. Thoreau
I think I do.
But its an interesting topic. My NT ex-boyfriend brought it up not long after we broke up (neither of us knew I was an aspie), he said he felt like people only had value in terms of their ability to preform "functions" in other people's lives. I'm not sure that he felt that way for long, or still does, perhaps it passed after the emotional upheaval, perhaps not. But I know he's firmly NT.
The break up was long, drawn out, messy and horrible for both of us and it created serious deep wounds. But even as we both filled the void with other people, friends, family, even new significant others...I still value him. Due to the unique and complicated situation, I had the option of not being "alone" after the break up...but despite the availability of a substitute I didn't want it. So I knew I did not miss him simply because I would be without the affection and attention of a boyfriend or the babble about computer science that was over my head. After I rejected that only too willing substitute, I ended up in a weird arrangement with other sort of substitute. Some one who was long distance like the original down to the same area of the same state, who would fulfill all of the emotional and time holes left by the original, who was just about as close to that original function as possible. And even as a year passed in this way, I still value the original a great deal.
He's not the same person I knew, not the same person I fell in love with, or even broke up with now. He's grown and changed, and not necessarily in ways I like. In fact, even if we could erase our painful history and meet as strangers I doubt we could even be friends or cordial acquaintances. I haven't spoken to him in over a year but the internet lets me keep a vague eye on him to assure myself that he is still alive. That's all. I don't know if he's happy or anything like that, merely that he still exists. I need to know that he is there, somewhere. I would love to know he is happy, even without me, but the mere fact that I know he is alive is enough. I dread the day when the thread is cut and I lose all knowledge of him for good. The world will be less when that happens.
NT though he is, I doubt the feeling is mutual. Not to say he would feel nothing if he heard I died or something, he might feel some kind of resentful sadness, but I doubt he needs to know I exist the way I need to know he does. But I cannot say for sure.
over a decade ago, I lost another close friend, who's function has similarly been filled more than once by differing people and groups of people. again, just knowing he's alive comforts me. Similarly, people I have lost all track of over the years still concern me, their positions have been filled, I do not miss them exactly, its something else.
I dunno, maybe I've misunderstood what you were getting at...I hope more people can comment.
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"run sand hourglass its my time will i be worth?" ~"delirium trigger", Coheed and Cambria
Well, if you are going to start pointing fingers expect them to be pointed back at you. I don't like these kinds of discussions because the one who starts them is somehow seperate from it all, untouchable and here to judge everyone. Somehow the lack of intrinsic value doesn't apply to them personally, just everyone else as if being a solipsistic narcissistic type automatically excuses.
First you have to determine what creates value and since most cannot agree we are back to the assumption that everyone should have intrinsic value as things-in-themselves.
First you have to determine what creates value and since most cannot agree we are back to the assumption that everyone should have intrinsic value as things-in-themselves.
oh the limitations of language. we could all spend a week trying to define that last sentence. particularly my use of "oh".
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"run sand hourglass its my time will i be worth?" ~"delirium trigger", Coheed and Cambria
Averick
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No I don't value human life unconditionally. For example a sociopath is disgusting and worthless to me, I wouldn't care if they were horribly flattened or mutilated as long as there weren't any small children around to be emotionally scarred.
I value people based on their actions and thoughts, not based on their humanity.
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?Evil? No. Cursed?! No. COATED IN CHOCOLATE?! Perhaps. At one time. But NO LONGER.?
There is a monatary vaule (us dollar of course) on human life? Interesting yet so not going to work. I'm sure much more money than that has been spent to save a life.
Nobody understands it.
I'm pretty sure I understand it, and I think it's the same for me.
I need a reason to value someone, and I don't think I could ever value anyone unconditionally.
Same here.
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Music Theory 101: Cadences.
Authentic cadence: V-I
Plagal cadence: IV-I
Deceptive cadence: V- ANYTHING BUT I ! !! !
Beethoven cadence: V-I-V-I-V-V-V-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I
-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I! I! I! I I I
been thinking about it just yesterday. i usually don't give any value to anyone. i mean no value at all, no negative one, no positive one. i am just indifferent to people unless they give me a reason to give them some value. i need to admire people to give them positive values, to admire them for the things they achieve, the way they live, the way they think. most of the times, i just don't have an opinion about people. i accept them for who they are. i do the same with things and situations, i accept them for what they are.
but, again, perhaps i didn't understand the question in the original post.
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Timeo hominem unius libri, I fear the man of one book, St. Thomas Aquinas.
In what way value? Does how one values others have to be shown or just felt? I extend basic levels of politeness to everyone regardless of function, status or otherwise (so long as they don't go out of their way to be a jerk)... but can I imagine them as anything other, as doing anything else, than what I see them as or doing on a consistent basis, and interacting with them as if this was so? Not very easily.
And yes, I do believe that people can increase or minimize their value by their actions and behaviors - not over minor social things, mind you, but through how they treat others and the reasons for which they act in such a way.
I do not love, admire etc. people.
But I see each and every of them as persons of great value.
I think that liking people is basically emotional.
Valuing all people for their humanity and person-hood is basically intellectual.
People usually seem to have a combination of both, at least in essence.
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Autism + ADHD
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The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it. Terry Pratchett
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