Ever become terrified you're not the "real deal"?

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The only time I doubted myself was when trying to measure up in the neurotypical world. After discovering I'm actually autistic, there hasn't been any doubt since.

yhe they really dont understand the pain do they?

i mean if they get a small depression they stay home for a week or something eating a load of ice cream

while whe go on and take even more bullets (in matter of speach ofcourse ) anyway i think those

people might be adhd sinds they'r despered for attention i cant speak for them ofc but thats what i asume

or maybe some spoiled people who are so happy that they want to have more and more...

anyway of the reporter thing what did he do?

Having a need for attention could never equal being autistic. In fact, autistic people I would think are generally opposed with regard to a need for attention. "Shy" people, for example, do not want attention, even though a shy person also doesn't equal being autistic.

Well I've been diagnosed and I still have trouble believing it everyday

I know I have the traits, but I don't want an official diagnosis. The confirmation is worse than the suspicion. I have improved so much over the years that getting a diagnosis now would only nullify the gains I've made. I don't want to wear a label. It hurt, as a child, to be given a label I now consider wrong.

Oh yes.... I remember this.

Since I predate the definition of Asperger's, I've done all my compensatory learning in the dark and much of it is now subconscious. When I discovered the spectrum there was the endless string of red flags raised as I explored other aspies experiences, but there was also a collection of " I don't do that anymore..when did it stop and why?"

Am I faking?.. I've always been cursed with the ability to see more than one side to any story, so I can see why there would be circumstances where this would be desirable.
I can also see how easy it would be to fake.. especially for someone with my... umm... peculiarites.
But a closet aspie would have to be the person who finds it easiest to fake Asperger's.
***semantic cavitation warning***

I don't think my desperation to belong to something is incentive enough for me to fake it.
And I sure as hell don't get any other rewards for being the odd one.

I have to be HF.. I'm still alive.... but I could sure do with enough added functionality to hold down a job that pays more than peanuts.
If I'm the genius everyone tells me I am WHY AM I ALWAYS BROKE.

Sometimes I worry because I have empathy and okay eyecontact (most of the time) and I can read basic body language/ facial emotions and I know to look for it. But not really because when I read books about autism I know I fit in

I stim, I don't know social rules, I can't always read people and it's confused me, I don't know about proper friendship/aquaintence rules, I am usually aloof to people's thoughts (it's like they just don't register with me), I have fixations, I remember crazy facts and figures, I can talk and talk about my interests, I prefer to be alone, I repeat things/ like to have things repeated to me, I'm anxious all the time, I need to be told about new exsperiences before I do them or I get scared, I can't follow spoken directions well, I am hypersensitive to sound, I HATE change, I'm clumsy and run with a gate, I can't moderate the volume of my voice, I like order and patterns, I get upset when the patern is broken (sometimes), I'm very picky with food, I can and do W sitting (sitting with my legs out on either side like a W also found in Down syndrome), I have personification synasizia, my hearing gets jumbled sometimes, I have an above adverage IQ, I don't fit in with people my age and I make firends with people much older or younger then me.

Sorry about the list, it was mostly just for me. ^^



-not to mention my diagnosis came from the head of psychiatry of the region that I live in sooooooo...I'm pretty sure I pass (though I am high functioning I'm still noticable in a crowd.)

Whats real?

No. I know I have a PDD that is currently only classified as autism.

I just wonder which form exactly, but PDD is certain.

On a side note...
I don't think I understand that if someone has been given just the label of AS they're relieved and suddenly stop to think they're stupid, lazy or dumb.

To me it's just a state with a name, a medical label.

A moron for example is also just a state with a name, a non-medical label.

Someone decided to declare a certain person in a certain situation to have a label because that someone thinks the person is different.

Whether you yourself think that autistic people are defective NTs, different but non-disordered, disabled, superior, doesn't make a difference unless you also believe in it.

I can assure you that you can always find a person that has a very contrary opinion on what you are and every single aspect of yourself than the opinion you have about this.

No matter if you're gifted and test for it - there's probably someone who's certain you're mentally ret*d.

I felt as okay with myself before the label and with the label. I actually felt quite sick and ill with the label. I didn't like to be classified as a certain type of person that is similar to other people. I don't like that.
Anyway, I don't understand why the label itself soothes someone mind that they're not bad or idiotic, but good and special.

I cannot understand how this change of opinion is induced just by a random person declaring anyone autistic. Even through it's probably real and people are happy and relieved after having a label. But for me, this change could only ever happen from within myself. A label could point me into the right direction, but I'd have to do all the thinking and feeling part to form another opinion based on this label.

That's why I cannot think my way through how others think. For me that's the only possibility to form an opinion on myself.

I used to be afraid of this. I went through this phase with my OCD diagnosis, too. With the AS diagnosis, I was afraid that I didn't really have it for several reasons. First of all, I'm not horribly socially deficit, so I thought that I was maybe being misdiagnosed. Secondly, my CBT therapist randomly brought up the subject of AS one day during my OCD therapy, and it was just so sudden and quick that I didn't really feel as though I deserved a diagnosis. However, after getting a diagnosis by an AS specialist and having read Tony Atwood's wonderful Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome and seeing how the whole book pretty much described me, I have finally accepted my diagnosis and no longer fear that I'm "faking" it. Also, I have since met many other diagnosed Aspies, and they are like carbon copies of me; the other Aspies also pick up my symptoms right away. It's actually fairly obvious that I have Asperger's, once you get to know me. I just focused too much on the social parts and not enough on the sensory issues and "special interests" and drastic need for sameness, all of which control my life.
-OddDuckNash99-

i guess i was luckky i was never heard of autism until got dx