Met Another Aspie Offline

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My Thanksgiving break started yesterday after the last class I attended (I skipped French Literature I, which would have been from 4:30 P.M. to 5:50 P.M.). Anyway, a girl from my dorm was taking one of her friends, someone she didn't know at all but who needed a ride, and me back to St. Louis for the break. That unknown guy she met in a facebook.com group for people who need rides exhibited numerous signs of having Asperger's syndrome. He was probably ten times the aspie that I am.

His voice was very monotonous, and he tended to use large words somewhat inappropriately. His manner of speaking was highly pedantic. His jacket appeared to be covered in dropped-up snot; it was disgusting. The trunk of the car was quite cramped, so he had to keep some of his luggage with him in the passenger seat. He said he just had to get his computer when he went back in his dorm, but he brought out a mini-tower! He had to hold that thing on his lap for the whole 4-hour ride. It looked excruciatingly uncomfortable because he had his chin resting on the top of the mini-tower and his arms around it. He was a bit sarcastic. Apparently, a not-so-bright Asian person has his cell phone number mixed up with someone they know's, and they keep calling him. He called their calling while in the car once an example of the hilarity he often experiences. On further probing, he revealed that, "by hilarity," he meant "annoyance."

I asked him if he was going to have a special dinner since he was coming back home. He said he was going to have a large Diet Dr. Pepper for the caffeine, some Jaggermeister, and some sugar-free gum. He said he'd eaten earlier. I asked him what he had for lunch, and he said some pretzels.

Of course, I was sure to take a picture of him sitting so uncomfortably in the car with that big computer on his lap. I couldn't help but laugh a little at that sight!

I didn't outright ask him if he had Asperger's syndrome, but it's pretty clear he had it in spades.

I have no trouble asking people my age outright if they have AS.
Thing is, if they've been diagnosed and are in my school I already know.
One girl, quite clear she has it, she's not diagnosed and the SPED dept. won't reccomend her for testing.

It would be innapropriate to ask an adult who has traits if they have it for some reason, and little kids won't know.

And when I work with little kids, if they clearly have it and are undiagnosed (well, one this was true, another one seemed to have something similar, not sure if it was AS), I can't talk to their parents and the adults can't talk to their parents.

Wonderful!

I hope you become good friends with this person.

I'm not particularly planning to become friends with this person. I was just noting that he probably has Asperger's syndrome. I have discovered having Asperger's syndrome is not much of a commonality if you don't share much else in common with someone.

Oh, well, good luck anyway.

Quite true.
I have the fortune of a large number of people with AS in my school to choose from, and only two in my school and one outside do I really associate much with.

I believe my poetry professor's son has AS. I've never met him but the way my professor describes him (eccentric even moreso than his father) and that I've talked to my professor about my having Aspergers and he said he "knows someone who has it," that I suspect this "someone" is probably his son.

Though I could be totally wrong. But he says his son (9 years old) is obsessed with insects and The Twilight Zone. And some random antics he's mentioned about him sound SOOOO quirky and weird.

Then again, my professor could have been refering to any NUMBER of professors on campus, too. There's usually an over-representation on university campuses of Aspies within the faculty staff.

Mini tower on the lap. At least it wasn't a full size one.

Of course maybe his decison to place it in his lap was a strategic one since if there was an accident, the tower would be protected by the airbag, unless you driving in some beat-up 20 year old toyota that didn't have them....

Since having AS is nothing to be ASHAMED of, why wouldnt we just ask everyone, no matter the age group or whatever?

And what's a mini-tower?

A mini-tower is a computer with the components are stacked vertically instead of horizontally. I called it a mini-tower, but it's probably about three feet in height.

I didn't ask him if he had Asperger's syndrome because there were two other people in the car and some people might be embarrassed discussing things that are formally classified as mental and behavioral health [psychiatric] disorders. If you were schizophrenic, would you walk up to everyone in your classes or workplace to tell them that you have been diagnosed with disorganized (hebephrenic) schizophrenia, for example? Would you tell classmates you had some kind of learning disability?

If you're not so humble, you might feel all right telling everyone you meet you're intellectually gifted; but most people don't consider giftedness to be a disability, disorder, or disadvantage. Whether you like it or not, Asperger's syndrome and the other pervasive developmental disorders are classified as psychological developmental disorders, and people are sometimes uneasy about talking about their character flaws and personal weaknesses.

If you're comfortable telling everyone you have Asperger's syndrome, more power to you; but you cannot expect everyone to be at the same comfort level about that.

im so NOT comfortable with it at all. i dont know how to explain myself, but thats not what i meant. i just WISH it would be more openness about it etc.

Very true!

I recently met up with someone from Wrong Planet with whom I seem to have a fair bit in common. I am very nervous at the idea of meeting anyone new, but this turned out to be one of the most positive and uplifting things that I have ever done. I do not think that I have ever talked (babled, more accurately ) so much for so long to anyone in my life. I really enjoyed the time we spent together.

AS implies a very particular style of communication. I know people that I have a lot in common with, but usually it is hard for me to communicate well with them, and I find trying to do so very tiring. In contrast, talking to someone who doesn't care about eye contact, doesn't use complicated metaphors or modes of speech and who just seems (at least to me) to do things in a similar way to me was, in comparison, natural and easy.

/me waves! I'm glad you enjoyed your time in Vancouver. I often feel anxious when meeting new people, but knowing in advance that they are Aspie (whether self-diagnosed or officially diagnosed) or at least familiar and comfortable with the effects of AS makes it a lot less stressful. Part of it is the simplicity of communication that you mentioned, but an even more important part for me is the fact that I can really relax and not have to worry about how I present myself. The honesty of the interaction is refreshing.

I've personally met five Aspies (that I know of). One was my best/only friend when I was in middle school. Neither of us knew anything about AS at the time (70's) but that simplicity of communication was a strong bonding agent between us and we've stayed friends ever since. I met three others through WP. The last one was a guy who approached me at a geek meeting, but we simply didn't have much to talk about.

My comfort at meeting other Aspies wasn't instant. As with any other new kind of social scenario, the first time feels a bit weird. I found I got comfortable meeting new Aspies very quickly (for the reasons cited above).

Because it's neurotypically innappropriate to ask something like that, and they're in the majority.
Plus many people are ashamed of it.
My father refuses to admit he has it, and as a result is the worst of both AS and neurotypical.

Screw the majority.

/me waves back

Yes! It was interesting for me to compare the time we spent together against the time I spent with other (NT) people that week. It emphasised just how much effort it takes most of the time to interact with so-called normal people, even when I had known most of them for several years.

I felt slightly odd at first, and kind of vulnerable, but it was such a relief to interact with someone at the same level that it was very easy to relax in a way that I can not manage with most people.


The world would be a better place if shame could be surgically removed at birth. Being open and honest and inquiring is probably the next best way to achieve this