how to keep the conversatin going...?

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what are you supposed to say in a conversation? everytime i'm in a conversation my mind goes completely blank. like today in college while i was sitting outside a classroom waiting for my professor to come, this girl sits next to me and sees i'm holding the college algebra book. shes like oh are taking math 165? ME: uh yeah..... so after a few seconds..... random person (RP): oh im taking it next semester...... ME: oh, nice....... RP:yeah, is it hard?...... ME: yeah i guess...... and then i felt weird so i opened my math book and pretended to start doing work......
every time someone talks to me i feel pressured and my mind goes completely blank, and if its a girl, even more blank. and even when my mind isnt blank, i just dont know what im supposed to say, so i pretend to not hear ppl or i pretend to be really busy.....


what am i supposed to say?????? i only dont being social because i dont know.....

Try and think of something related to the last thing, and if that fails, something unrelated but not too random (ie. "did you watch such-and-such last night?").

You could have talked about what the course was like, and maybe a few more interesting subjects would come to mind between the both of you.

On the spot I am pretty bad at keeping a conversation going too.

When someone asks me questions, I answer them. That's the way to keep it going.
When someone is talking and you remember something similar to their story, tell them yours. If you can relate to their story, tell them yours. If you have a comment to make about what they are saying, say it. If you have a question you want to ask, ask it.
If you don't have anything to say and the other person doesn't say anything to you, then that person probably didn't know what to say either so don't feel bad.

Same thing happens to me. When the topic isn't adequately interesting for me I can't ever think of anything to say. I need some kind of spark or my mind just goes blank.

When I ask people sometimes tell me about stuff they're doing but it's usually something I'm clueless about and/or uninterested in knowing about. If they don't give me enough information to think of a follow-up question then there's nothing to say. I'm only able to keep a conversation going when there's a common interest. Otherwise mutual boredom sets in which happens 90% of the time with people I randomly bump into.

I wish I knew how to make myself interested in the stuff other people do when deep down I don't really care.

An Aspie friend of mine says to keep asking the other person questions. More stuff to add to the conversation keeps getting built up.

If you talked to him, you'd say he was a conversationalist. I'm getting better, but I could still use some more practice in keeping the conversation going. His tip is really useful.

Don't forget "Hi, I'm (state your name)"

almost sounds like she was making a pass.

There's ways to ask 'leading questions'; things that give the other person a chance to talk. They talk, I listen, everyone's happy...

whats making a pass?

It all depends on my mood! I can keep a conversation alive on certain days... no matter the topic.. and on other days I am the first to cut the conversation short.

Read Leil Lowndes.

I know this is a wee bit naughty, but here is some linkage

http://www.2shared.com/file/4741776/2cf ... nders.html

that is an excellent tip. Failing that, have a look around you. any object in the room is fuel for discussion.

i find that drying up in conversation really doesn't matter. if you only speak when you need to people tend to pay more attention

Ask the person about their hair, clothing, posture, things they're holding or other things. They can be used as cultural markers and you can learn more about them from those things; and from there you can 'branch out' and use that knowledge regarding them in several ways

I find it easier to refer to things in the physical environment.
I say things like: "Nice day isn't it?"
Sometimes I go into too much detail about meteorology; and the local flora and fauna at this point.

I just can't help it. I focus on details in the physical environment.
If were in a room, I pass comments on the interior design and the patterns in the carpet.

It helps if the person has an interesting item of jewelry on their person.
"That's a nice pendant you're wearing. Amethyst isn't it?"

That's why I wish that people wouldn't wear fake plastic costume jewelry: I have nothing to talk about because I can't identify any gemstones.

If someone's walking their dog, I smile at the dog first. I ask the person questions about their dog if they invite me to join the conversation.

"Who's this? A he or a she? He looks really happy and healthy. He's a Highland Terrier, am I right? How old is he? May I stroke him?"

I tend to look at the dog for most of the time.

If someone is using a gadget I focus all my attention on that gadget and ask the other person questions about it.


I have been known to go into in depth discussions about the kinds of bricks and masonry on buildings. One time my friend and I were so lost for topics of conversation, that we spent the next hour discussing the cracks in the pavement. We actually began to count the bricks in the wall (we were that bored). It was a pretty stop-start conversation. The irritating thing was that I kept losing count. I'm just full of brilliant ideas

Last edited by AmberEyes on 28 Jan 2009, 3:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

People like to talk about themselves. If you can think of something to ask (the asking questions tip is a great one), even if you don't care what they will tell you, then they will take up a lot of the strain of the conversation. Even if you are not that interested in what they say, nod and smile and pay attention.

Things that might have been asked would be: Why they took the course, what other ones they are taking. Use observation - for example, if they had stickers or badges (pins) of a band, even if you don't know the band or any of their music, ask them what they thought about the last album and if they would recommend it. Have they been to see them play live? If there is nothing like that, maybe there is something happening on campus or some local event you could mention. Have a few of these things stored away in case you need them. British people are renouned for talking about the weather - it is a good, safe, non-controversial topic to talk to a stranger about. Find others like this that you can keep on standby so you won't always have to think on your feet.

People think I'm a great listener, but it's really because I don't have much of a clue what to say!! ! I let them talk, even if they are boring me, I don't zone out. It takes practice, a lot, cause we're not naturals at this stuff, but work at it and treat it like a little side project.

Oh, watch and listen to how other people do it - it's not a magic trick, though it can look like it sometimes.

Good luck!

In the example that you gave, I'm not sure why you felt like you needed to keep the conversation going. Not that I'm the person to give advice about how to have a conversation...because I'm certainly not. But as far as I understand, it was just a short conversation. Sometimes there's nothing left to say.

I have conversation problems too. Yesterday I tried to make friends with a girl, I tried talking to her but couldn't start a good conversation, what better question than "Do you watch SpongeBob?"