Trying to get an aspie to act NT.

Post Reply New Topic

Isn't that like trying to get a gay person to be in opposite sex relationships? Many parents of gay people have tried this. It is stupid. Same thing goes for telling an aspie to be NT.

Nobody can make an AS person NT. And no one should expect an AS person to conform exactly to NT 'standards' and expectations. However, we do have to at least make an effort to fit in to some degree. There is nothing wrong with being different or even eccentric, but to go completely against the grain all the time is, sadly, disruptive in a society that is engineered to work with certain preconceptions in mind.

As long as we are not putting other people out with our behaviours, needs and expectations then we should be free to 'be ourselves' as much as we like. But if we are actively causing problems by our behaviours then we need to seek to try to modify those behaviours to the best of our abilities in certain setings.

That's not the same as trying to be NT. It's simply something we have to learn to do for the sake of harmony.

Autism is a spectrum. The closer to NT on the spectrum you are, the more you ought to learn how and when to act NT so you can be successful in the world. I know a guy who has a severely autistic son who became violent, smeared feces on the wall, etc. These are not autistic traits per say, but they were the result of autism. I would not just let that person act that way in society---and its for that reason he had to be given to a home. I understand what you are trying to say though. For instance, at thanksgiving I got overloaded by the stimulus of twenty people having twenty conversations at once and had to leave. This would be considered anti-social behavior for an NT. But fact is, I can't handle physical stimulus like an NT. So I shouldn't be expected to.

But when it comes to things like social skills...well, Aspies should not be judged for unconvential use of language or behavior as long as it is not out right rude. But we ought to try our best to learn how to at least do the basics---for our own good. You can't become an NT by pretending to be. But you have to at least be able to act like one in certain contexts, if you simply want to be able to get a job.

Odd... I am "truly happy" the way I am, and quite satisfied with being strongly Aspie.

And, you know, you'll never get all the way to NT--anyone old enough to use an Internet forum is past the point where you can change your brain that much. (Actually, anyone old enough to babble his first word is past that point. Twelve months, maybe. Probably younger. Even then, not without trauma.)

So if you try to be NT and you constantly tell yourself that if you are Aspie you are unacceptable and will never be happy... then you will never accept yourself or be happy unless you change that basically false premise.

It's not like it's impossible to fake NT without rejecting your AS and assuming you'll never be happy if you're Aspie. It's certainly not impossible to learn stuff that makes life easier for you and helps you to communicate with the NTs.

I think trying to make someone else be something, anything, whatever, is usually going to be a losing battle. If change is appropriate, help the person to do their own changing, rather than trying to change the person.

So, the same as "Will you just be normal for once?" pops up too

I don't think Aspies can really act like NTs, or at least it would probably be very hard.

I've heard of gay people in opposite-sex marriages working out just fine... a gay man married a lesbian and they both used it as a cover story!

Hey, gotta give them credit for creativity.

i get your anology. i have heard of gay people being involved in opposite sex relationships purely because they feel they have to be which sucks because both them and the partner end up miserable..
an aspie cannot be expected to fake social skills non stop all the time.

It's a strange analogy.

many people tried to get me to conform with threats, punishments, bribes, rewards, drugs and like The metal with its appostion, they all failed as I threw them to the ground